Casting Shadows

Two years later, Seth graduated from High School. I was nervous about him leaving because I feared that it would make things more tense again between Gerard and I as the only two kids left in our house. We were 16, and even though our relationship was better than ever, it was also becoming more serious. Thankfully we had stopped fighting but that meant we were now all over each other. We had also started talking about the future, we were thinking about where our relationship was going, what it all meant. Of course we were still very immature but we were able to understand that we were in love, that it was not just a crush which would eventually go away, that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, no matter how frightening it was to use these terms. I had no idea what to expect, and it didn't help that Gerard mostly relied on me, yet I couldn't give him any answers. Obviously, we didn't know what we were doing but we enjoyed every moment we could spend together with no one watching. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would sneak into his room or he would sneak into mine and we'd kiss under the covers until one of us fell asleep and only then the other would leave again. It was nice, being in his arms. But the closer we grew, the bigger the urge to be even closer became. It was difficult, especially with pretty much everyone at school now having a boyfriend or girlfriend too. While they were able to openly show their affections, we were too paranoid to even sit next to each other since every contact caused so many emotions and reactions. At times it upset me when I had to pull myself away from him, although I acted as if I didn't care; I kept telling myself that what Gerard and I had was special, that we only had two more years before we moved out and went to college and then everything would be so much easier. Most of the time though, I didn't really believe myself.

One of Seth's graduation gifts were four tickets for Warped Tour. Some of our favorite bands were playing that year so Gerard and I immediately tried to convince him to take us, along with his best friend Elliot. Seth was the type of older brother that loved introducing us to new things so after getting the okay from our parents, he agreed. They made him promise that he would look after us but as soon as we arrived at the Tweeter Center in Camden, him and Elliot announced that they were off to 'find some hot chicks' and to call or text if we needed them. I was somewhat relieved about their departure when Gerard grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine.

It was a fun day. We saw Yellowcard, Thursday, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday, Jimmy Eat World and blink-182. We ate a lot of crappy food and bought a lot of overpriced merch. We got a sunburn from standing in line at the signing tents. We made out in the middle of the crowd and we sang along to our favorite songs. I loved watching Gerard enjoy himself and get excited over his favorite bands, I could tell he was inspired by everything that was going on around us and it made me happy. Everything bad and scary seemed so far away that afternoon. The loved up daze we were in made us careless but for once I embraced it instead of fighting it. Maybe because his kisses felt so good, or because everyone around us seemed to be doing the very same thing. Maybe because in that moment, I believed we were strangers in a strange place and we weren't doing anything wrong.

'I wish we could do this every day. You know, just be together. Doing things couples do.' I said as we sat in the grass, waiting for the next band to play.

'Me too.' Gerard mumbled, staring down at his hands that were holding mine. 'What if...' he hesitated.

'What if what?'

'What if we just tell them? Would it really be so bad? I mean...we're not related. They haven't even adopted me. So we're not even siblings on paper either. It's not weird. It's not wrong. It's not against the law or anything like that. And I bet it happens all the time between foster kids. Like, I'm sure we're not the only ones.' I looked at him in surprise, not sure whether he was serious or not.

'G, I know all that. That still doesn't mean we should tell them. They wouldn't like that at all.' and that was an understatement.

'Do you think they would send me to another family?' he asked and I shook my head.

'No, they wouldn't. They love you. But they love you like a real son and that's the problem.'

'Yeah...but they're not stupid. They know I'm not their son. And I'm sure they also know that things like that just happen, right? Your mom has a psychology degree. I mean, if we can figure it out...'

He did have a point. Still, telling my parents wasn't an option for me. I was way too scared to lose Gerard, to lose what we had. Even if we told them and they were 'okay' with it, they sure as hell wouldn't let us out of their sight anymore. They were absolutely oblivious to the fact that every time we left the house together, studied in our rooms, talked in our tipi (yes, at 16 we still had the tipi), we actually spent 80% of the time making out. If they ever found out, they would put an end to all of it.

'We can't tell them. There's no way anyone can find out until we leave school. Just imagine what everyone else would say? Forget my parents, think about the rest of our family. Seth and Lucy. Our friends. I'm sure the assholes at our school would love it. What about the social worker? My parents won't send you away but she might. No, Gerard. We have to wait.'

He sighed but nodded in agreement. I leaned over to kiss him but the cheers from the crowd welcoming the next band on stage interrupted the moment.

A few hours later we met up with Seth and Elliot at the car. It had gotten dark and everyone was pumped from watching Weezer, who had been the last band to play.

'Hell yeah, I'm ready to party!' Seth yelled into his phone before ending the call. 'You two coming?' he then asked Gerard and I.

'We have to be home by 10.30.' I said, getting in the car.

'Not if we call and tell them we're stuck in traffic. Can buy us two hours, at least. Come on, I won't get you into trouble, promise.' Seth smiled and I looked at Gerard who shrugged.

'Okay.' I took his word for it.

Even though I was slightly worried, I didn't want this day to end just yet.

*

I was completely overwhelmed. Not only were Skeeter and I by far the youngest kids at the party, we also seemed to be the only ones sober. We didn't know anyone and although Seth and Elliot introduced us to some of their friends, I felt too uncomfortable to talk to them. They were completely wasted, slurring their words and laughing like idiots at their own bad, disgusting jokes before their shortened attention span distracted them and they moved on to get more booze or find someone to hook up with. The music was way too loud to have a conversation anyway, and while I had just enjoyed a whole day full of roaring guitars, the thumping bass from the speakers that made the walls shake only added to my growing anxiety. Soon enough we had lost Seth again and I was clinging on to Skeeter as we made our way through the dancing, drinking, dry-humping party guests. There was a sweet, herby smell in the air that I identified as weed once I spotted the source, a rather big guy sitting in the corner and smoking a blunt while a tiny brunette was giving him a lapdance. Holy shit. Skeeter and I exchanged a 'What the fuck?' look and quickly walked past the scene. Hopefully the smell wouldn't get in our clothes. Only two hours, I told myself. Then we had to leave anyway.

'Let's get a drink, maybe if we get a lil tipsy it's more bearable.' Skeeter said, pulling me toward a table where a tall, nerdy looking guy was filling red solo cups with alcohol while others helped themselves to beer from the keg.

Apart from one can of very cheap, very disgusting, warm beer that I had shared with some of my friends at summer camp once, I had never had alcohol before and neither had Skeeter. However, we weren't really looking to get drunk as we grabbed our cups of Jack and Coke and took that first cautious sip.

'Ew.' I grimaced, making her laugh.

'Yup.'

'Guess we'll just have to chug it because this stuff is gross.' I said, wondering if anyone except us even noticed the vile taste.

We counted to three and then gulped down the booze, not stopping until our cups were empty. Skeeter coughed and I could feel my mouth salivating as though I was about to throw up. After swallowing a couple of times and taking a few deep breaths, the feeling passed and although I still felt nauseated, I knew I would be able to keep it down. Returning to the bar, we got another cup, beer this time, just to have something to hold on to and fit in. No one even cared that we were juniors. They were so wasted, I was sure they wouldn't even have cared if we'd been toddlers. I kept thinking how amazing it would be if I was one of these kids, already having finished High School, about to leave for college and be independent, free to do whatever they wanted. Not worried about who they loved or if their parents found out. My whole life I had wished for normality but the sadness and bitterness I felt right now as I realized I would never have it, was once again making me feel like an outcast, despite having Skeeter by my side.

'Are you okay? We can leave if you want. Call a taxi or walk back home, it's not that far.' she put her arm around me but I moved away from her.

'Seth's around.' I pointed out and she rolled her eyes.

'We can leave.' she repeated.

'I'm fine. Let's just have fun.' I took two jello shots off a tray that was being passed around and handed one to her.

It only took another one for me to feel the effects of the alcohol. I wasn't drunk but my head felt weird in a good way, and I had started to enjoy myself a little bit more. The shitty music wasn't bothering me as much, I felt as though all the strangers were actually my friends; I even moved closer to Skeeter again and stole a quick kiss from her after making sure Seth or Elliot weren't nearby. Her cheeks were flushed, probably from the alcohol but maybe also from our kiss and that warm feeling in my belly intensified as our eyes met. Knowing I wouldn't be able to resist her for long, I quickly looked away as the heat threatened to spread through my entire body.

'Hey you two!' a girl came running toward us, grabbing both Skeeter and I by our hands. 'I need you on my beer pong team!'

Needless to say, things began to spiral out of control soon after.

Notes

Didn't expect to have this ready today but here it is, a new chapter!
I'm gonna hurry up with the next one because it's a really important one but since it's so important I might need longer than usual to write it. I really can't say when it will be up. Could be tomorrow, could be sometime next week, I don't know. But until then, I hope you enjoy this <3

Thank you for reading!