Death Is The Only Salvation

Gerard's P.O.V.

I sat back on the tatty sofa of the tour bus, a beer firmly planted in my right hand. I raised the bottle to my lips once again, relishing in the coolness of the liquid contributing to my intoxication. My life truly was fucked up.

I was a depressed alcoholic, whom also was having an affair with a certain guitarist. Frank, fuck, even his name brings a small smile across my severely chapped lips. A smile that was soon wiped away as he strode in, hand-in-hand with Jamia. We both knew what we were entering into, hell, he was with her when the affair began, but it always hurt like fuck to see them together. But he always aided my concerns, he always said that I was the one he truly loved.

I was brought out of my reverie of thoughts as my eyes followed the pair, something was different, Frank was avoiding me. I shifted in my chair, my stance intimidating as I glared. Jamia was oblivious to it, but I didn't miss how Frank tensed, somehow sensing my gaze. Jamia was almost bouncing on her feet, a wide grin spread across her cheeks, making her uglier than ever before. Bitch. My eyes never left the pair as they began to speak.

"Do you want to tell them, or shall I?" Jamia whispered excitedly.

"Go ahead, babe." he smiled back.

Babe.

Jamia cleared her throat obnoxiously loud.

"We have some good news" She grinned.

My palms became sweaty as my heart began hammering, effectively sobering me up slightly. They're never this close.

"Oh, I can't tell them, you do it Frankie, they're your band mates after all." she giggled.

Frank cleared his throat, still not meeting my venomous, and now slightly weary gaze. He walked behind her and placed his hand on her stomach, which I now realised was slightly raised and protruded even from her naturally chubby, and dare I say, fat, frame.

No.

"Jamia is pregnant!" He cheered, as Ray, Bob and Mikey congratulated the pair. I remained silent, as I felt my heart rip in two. Jamia gave Frank a nudge, her awful grin widening. He shook his head. "You tell them, baby" he whispered. I felt my blood boiling beneath my skin, he was proud, proud of her, he'd chosen her.

I grew angrier as I recalled the many times he'd told me that he hadn't engaged in such activities with her in a long while, and hadn't intended to. As Jamia began to speak, Frank finally made eye contact. "We're getting married." she squealed in her deafening voice as she stuck out her chubby, sausage-like fingers, displaying an expensive looking ring.

I maintained eye contact with Frank, as she spewed the hurtful words. I managed to keep a calm facade, as my thoughts ran wild. That was supposed to be me. Not her, not that undeserving whore. In that moment, it was if something snapped inside of me, I drowned out all of the congratulations coming from everyone else and spoke up.

"Frank? A word?" I said calmly, surprisingly not slurring any words.

Ignoring the confused eyes of everyone else, we went into the small studio at the back of the bus, soundproof walls. The beer bottle in my hand remained as I slammed the door angrily.

"Why?" I questioned in a detached tone. He stayed silent. Letting the anger seep into my actions, I aggressively smashed the bottle onto a chair, sneering as he jumped. With the neck of the bottle, I charged for Frank, pinning him against the back wall. Ignoring his wide eyes and protests, I smashed my lips to his angrily. He began kissing back desperately as I pulled away.

"No! No, you don't have the right to fucking do that! 'Its you Gerard, I'd pick you a million times over' " I mocked. I continued "But you fucking lied. What was I? A cheap fuck when your girlfriend wouldn't put out?! Did you even consider my fucking feelings?!" I spat as I brought the neck of the beer bottle up to his throat, letting the jagged edges rest on his skin.

"Please!" he whimpered pathetically. "Please? Ha, that's all you have to fucking say, please?!" I roared.

I rolled up the sleeves on my shirt. "Look, watch fucking closely" I demanded. I brought the smashed bottle to my wrist and dragged it down the skin as blood began to pour out. I watched as a tear made its way down his cheek. "You see this?!-" Lifts up my wrist "-This is nothing compared to the pain you've just put me through! Fuck you" I growled angrily, sending my fist into his face.

"Asshole" I cried, punching him again, kicking him in the balls.

"Have a nice life, 'cause I sure as hell am having nothing to do with it." I concluded, throwing the glass above his head on the wall, before leaving and slamming the door behind me.

I made my way into the lounge area. As each person took in my bloodshot eyes, tear stained cheeks and cut up wrist they all looked concerned, even her. Mikey was the first person to rush to me.

"Gerard? Holy shit, Gerard?!" He fussed as I ignored all of them and walked out.


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