Welcome to the Black Parade

“I don’t wanna die.” I kept on repeating that to myself under my breath as I looked down at my wrists. With blood dripping down them and a bloody razor on the bathroom floor of the tour bus. No one was on the bus so no one could hear me sobbing to myself.

“I don’t want to die.” I started to rock back and forth and smear the blood around on my wrist. I created swirls and patterns I stared at the patterns. They fascinated me. I slowly traced them with my finger, smearing the blood a bit more. I stopped and watched more blood form from my cuts. I dipped my fingers in it and smeared it across my hand. I weakly stood up and pushed my fhand against the mirror leaving behind a bloody hand print. I watched as the blood dripped down. Blood has always fascinated me. The way some people craved seeing it flow from them, the way some people couldn’t stand the look of it and would pass out from it, the way that’s the only way for a person to be able to have another chance at life. Blood. Our life source. Our real fountain of youth.

I swiped my finger in my blood again and wrote under the hand print: I Don’t Wanna Die…

I looked at it and slowly slid down the wall still staring at the mirror. My legs couldn’t support me anymore. I could still feel the tears slipping my face and landing on the ground with a very soft and almost nonexistent plop. I wrapped my arms around my waist, not caring if I got blood on my new shirt. I rocked back and forth slowly giving into all the pain I had been trying so hard to let go of. But I had just had enough. All the inner demons I had been trying to fight off I finally gave up. They finally swam to the surface and clawing at my mind. And I was letting them. Nothing was stopping them. I used to. But not anymore. No I had entirely gave up.

I could hear everything going on on the bus and that was nothing. We (My Chem) was on tour with The Used. And everyone was out drinking after a successful show. They invited me along but I declined. Not after what that fan told me. They knew something was up, they always did. After they left I lovcked myself in the bathroom and did this to myself. I feel like im slowly losing my mind. I need my rock here. But he isn’t here. He probably wont come back…just as the fan told me..everything that fan told me was right.
I heard the bus door opening and then frantic feet running towards the bathroom. By this point I was just staring blankly at the floor with a bottle of pills in my hand that I don’t remember ever picking up. That’s what it must feel like to lose your mind. You do things, but you don’t remember doing them. I heard pounding on the door.

“Gerard I know you’re in there now open the fuck up!” That was Bert. He HAD come back. I didn’t reply. I was waiting for him to see that it was unlocked because I’m such a fucking idiot and didn’t remember to lock the door. He must have realized it because the next thing I know, instead of the bathroom floor in my vision is Bert. He had his hands on either side of my face and was forcing my head up to look at me.

“Gee baby…what did you do..” he sighed and careful took the pills from my limp hand and shook the bottle. “Doesn’t sound like you took any…” he slipped them into his pocket and looked around the room and finally settled on the mirror and he turned back to me and pulled me to his chest.

“Gerard…nothing that fan told you was true…you are not a failure in the music industry..you are not better off dead…you are some stupid faggot that deserves to burn in hell. You are my boyfriend and you mean so much to me. I feel bad for that fan wanna know why?” I nodded my head was pushed up against his chest and I was sobbing. “Because he doesn’t and will probably never have someone like you. he will be forever alone. People like him shouldn’t have happiness when they take happiness from the most happy people in the world.”

I was full out sobbing now and just kept on mumbling. “I don’t wanna die…I don’t wanna die…”

Bert kept on rocking me and stroking my hair and was repeating right after me “I know…and I wont let you…I will never let you go…I will never let you die…you’re stuck here with me. Right here. You’re not going to die. Never.”

Notes

Hahah sorry this sucks

If anyone care my brother is at basic training and he sent a letter that we can now write to him! Im so happy :D

PLease comment what you thought

(title creds: I Don't Wanna Die by: Hollywood Undead)