Welcome to the Black Parade

I walked through the hospital hallway heading toward my brother's room.I had walked this same route and hallway too many times for me to count. When I got to my brother’s room and walked inside I saw that he hadn’t moved since the last time I saw him. Granted the last time I saw him was yesterday but you would think that he would have moved right? Wrong. The reason he was in here was the first place was my fault. I was teaching him how to drive, I told him to go when a car was turning. It collided in his side. Head on. I only sustained a broken collar bone, broken leg and arm. He got a head injury which put him in a com along with a broken back. That was 6 weeks ago; I was released from the hospital 4 weeks ago. I still had some of my casts on.

I looked at my brother and sighed sadly. He had a breathing tube down his throat forcing him to breath, he had a tub in his stomach pumping him the nutrients he needed to live, and he was on life support. I stared at him and grabbed his cold clammy pale hand. I was sitting there silently for maybe 20 minutes before the doctor came bustling in, he was always a little ball of energy, but when he saw me he stopped. It wasn’t because I shocked him with my presence because I was always here no matter what I always came. It had to be something else then. He looked at me sadly and cleared his throat. I snapped out of my thoughts.

“What?” I asked hoarsely, it’s been lord knows how long since I last spoke, I didn’t speak to anyone. Everyone wanted me to go to a therapist to talk about what happened but I wouldn’t. I refused to talk to anyone about that day. The only one I would talk to I couldn’t for he was lying in a bed oblivious to the world and what was going on around him.

“I hate to say this,” the Doctor said softly. “But Mikey is in pain. He has been for awhile.” I was about to interrupt but he raised his hand up. “There is nothing we can do; we have done everything we can for him.” I knew where this was going; I knew it would have had to happen at some point, I was not ready for what he was going to tell me. “If we kept Mikey alive, he would be in pain and if he somehow miraculously woke up he would never be the same again He wouldn’t be the same again and the blow to his head might have messed with his memory he might have forgotten who you are, who he is. If Mikey woke up, he wouldn’t be the same Mikey from when he was before.”

He took a deep breath. Here it is, I thought. Here it comes. “We want to take him off life support,” I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew it. I fucking knew it. “He isn’t healing, not breathing on his own. He is basically a shell of his former self. The doctors and I were talking, and we all agreed that it should be your decision. I’m giving you a week. A week to think of your answer. In a week time I need to know.” He turned around and was about to walk out the door when he turned and faced me and whispered so quietly that I barely caught what he said. “I’m so sorry Gerard.”

*ONE WEEK LATER*

It’s been a week. A week since the Doctor told. A week since I made my decision. I walked the same path to Mikey’s room; I walked into his room and saw the doctor and two nurses standing by his bed. The Doctor looked up as I came in. he gave me such a sad look that I felt the tears start to well up already. He walked over to me.

“Have you come to a decision?” He asked quietly. I nodded and croaked out with those unshed tears I was holding in.

“Do it.”

I looked at my baby brother one last time. The way his brown fridge still covered one of his eyes, His pale pink lips opened slightly to let the breathing tube down his throat and into his lungs. And finally I looked at his closed eyes. Even though they were closed I knew what they would look like. They would be light brown with that hidden smile and joy in them that he never wore on his face. I walked over to his bed and gently kissed his cheek, I closed my eyes and felt the moisture leak from my eyes. One of them landed on his cheek, it reflected the light in it shinning bright in the hospital light.

“I love you Mikes,” I mumbled and stood up looking at Doctor I simply nodded indicating for him to do it. He looked at the nurses, no words needed to be said. They knew what they were doing. They reached over and flicked a switched, the machine slowly stopped working. I watched as his heart monitor slowly stopped beating. I walked forward and kneeled by his bed grabbing his hand. I held it gently as his life was slowly fading away. I felt the tears fall down my face and land on the floor with a soft plop.

I squeezed his hand and I felt him weakly squeeze mine, he cracked his eyes open and I saw those light brown eyes for the last time; they had a look of pure peace in them. He opened his mouth and with a raspy breath whispered to me, “Thank you Gee, I love you.” He gave one last smiles and closed his eyes. And I knew in that moment, I knew that I had made the right choose. I had done the right thing. In my hand, his hand went limp.

Even though he took his last breath on July 29, 2014 at 4:03 pm, I knew that I had made the right decision.

For the first time in years, Michael James Way was happy and at peace.

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