You Won't Fuck My Friends

Frank and I didn't really talk much for the rest of that day, in fact we went out of our way to avoid making eye contact and pretty much ignored each other. It was my fault basically, I was angry and sad at the same time but more than that I was mainly just confused. I didn't know why I acted like that to Frank when I was drunk, and I didn't know why he brought it up like he wanted to talk about it. I'd been pissed out my brain, he'd been drunk, I hadn't meant it and then he suddenly went raging at me. I'd explained myself and I didn't understand the problem. He'd been right, I hadn't wanted Bert to find out, but not for the same reason he was thinking. I didn't want Bert to find out because I hadn't meant what I'd said, I didn't want Bert to worry about something when there was no point. I think Frank thought that I didn't want Bert to find out because I wouldn't want Bert knowing that I was making moves on other men, and that I possibly might be transferring my attraction.
That was not true, I loved Bert with all of me and more, I'd do anything for him and I meant it. I'd even jump off a bridge for him, but he was the reason I didn't.
But still the nagging thought at the back of my mind wouldn't leave me alone. What if I did have feelings for Frank? In my drunken state could I be revealing true feelings that I didn't properly recognise when I was sober? Was it possible that I could be falling in love with Frank?
Bullshit.
No, I pushed the thoughts away.
I hated Frank, granted he could be alright sometimes, but most of the time he was an annoying little shit who made things awkward and intense and difficult.
I just drunk too much on a regular basis, ended up saying all sorts of ridiculous shit and got myself into frustrating situations.
The clearing up hadn't taken all that long really, but I'd scowled the whole way through it. I'd scowled whilst I'd showered, and scowled when I'd walked into the sitting room after I'd redressed myself and Bert ruffled my wet hair. I'd scowled whilst the three of us ate lunch together, Frank and Bert talking to each other about the party and various other things whilst I myself stayed silent.
I was generally pissed off. I was in a very bad mood.
In the middle to late afternoon we'd watched a movie together. Bert sat in the middle with Frank on one side and me on the other, I would usually have curled into Bert but instead I sat beside him slouched with my head facing slightly downwards, scowling at the TV screen. I liked the movie, but I was still angry about Frank and I think Bert sensed my bad mood.
"Come on, Gee," Bert grinned whilst he elbowed me gently in the arm, "cheer up man."
I didn't avert my gaze, I continued staring at the TV with narrowed eyes and grunted incomprehensibly in response.
"Hey, Gerard?" Bert tried again, "Do you remember when we first started dating and for one of our first dates we went to see this at the cinema?"
"Mmmmm." I mumbled remembering, but the memory made me feel even angrier for some reason and my scowl deepened. I didn't like being angry at such a happy memory, which in turn made me angrier still.
"Gerard, don't be so childish." Frank sighed with his eyes fixed on the screen, he was speaking to me for the first time since we'd fallen out but still not looking at me.
The sound of his voice hit a nerve and I threw a viscous glance at him which I don't think he saw, but I know that Bert did.
Bert smirked as he elbowed me gently in my arm, and when he didn't get a reaction he kept elbowing me, trying to make me laugh. After about two minutes I'd had enough and I elbowed him back really hard, my face still dark and scowling.
"Woooaaahh!" Bert laughed, "Somebody's obviously had too much to drink last night, slightly grumpy and feeling the after effect, huh?"
The mention of last night and too much to drink was too much.
"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped, turning my head and glaring up at him.
Bert looked slightly hurt and I immediately felt bad, my guilt overrode my anger and I felt my face soften.
"I'm sorry." I said softly, looking up at him.
Bert smiled slightly, "Don't worry, baby, you're alright."
He leaned down to kiss me gently and I let him, after a moment when I felt he was about to pull away, I deepened it. Bert didn't seem to expect it but he went with it and didn't complain, he put his arms around my waist and I put mine around his neck. My hands gripped at his hair as I kissed him passionately, he pulled me onto his lap and I curled my legs around his body. We kissed for ages and my anger seemed to die down a lot, Bert pulled me close and I gently pulled on his hair. I could see Frank staring daggers at me but I didn't care, the thought of it actually made me smile. Bert broke away and leaned back a little to look at me.
"What are you smiling for?" He half-laughed.
"Because I love you." I said shyly, glancing downwards and blushing slightly.
Bert put two fingers under my chin and tilted my head upwards, so that I was looking into his eyes. He looked at me for a moment before kissing my on the nose, moving his hands to behind my head and running his thumbs over my heated cheeks. He then moved his arms back down until he was holding me around my waist and gently kissed me on the lips, "I love you too."
I smiled and pressed my forehead against his, he smiled and we looked into each others eyes for a long moment. He held me tighter and I buried my face in his neck, whispering how much I loved him as he gently rocked me back and forth.
Beside me, I heard Frank get up muttering about a glass of water and leave the room. Bert buried his own face in my neck and we stayed like that for a long while, I must have fallen asleep because suddenly Bert was gently shaking me awake as the end credits of the movie played.
It turned out that Frank had cooked us an evening meal, my bad mood returned slightly as I ate it. If Frank had made i then I didn't want to eat it, but at the same time I didn't want to act like an ungrateful little shit because I'd feel guilty and it's upset Bert. I ignored Frank and he mainly ignored me, Bert tried to make conversation but quickly gave up when it became clear that Frank and I weren't going to talk to each other.
After we'd eaten, Frank suggested to Bert that we played a board or card game and chilled for a bit.
Bert said it sounded fun, but because it was Frank's idea, I refused and excused myself to go to bed.
After I'd gotten changed and brushed my teeth I slipped into the cold double bed and lay there by myself for about two hours, feeling miserable and annoyed at myself as well as being angry at Frank. When Bert finally joined me, I pressed myself close to him and took his hand. He wrapped his arms around me I laid my head on his chest.
It was peaceful and I felt safe and loved, but I also felt absolutely disgusted at myself.
I closed my eyes sadly and Bert must have sensed there was something wrong because he stroked my hair gently and said quietly, "I'll always love you, Gerard, please don't ever ever forget that."

Notes

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