Kill All Your Friends

He took a long drag on the white stick, his long fingers barely holding it as if, if he squeezed it too tight it would snap in two. His cheeks sucked in, showing his cheekbones even more than before, it was a sight. The cigarette seemed to have the same calming effect as it does on me. As he had leaned against the wall on the exhale, the same move I had made only minutes ago. This man was beautifully mysterious, and he looked the same age as me. I guess smoking and being in your last year of high school wasn’t anything new, but in this town I was the only high schooler who smoked.

“How old are you?” I asked once both of our cigarettes were half way burned.

“Uh, 17.” He answered.

“Me… Also… 17…” I answered awkwardly, nodding as I tried to find my words. My body shivered, not all from the cold, part of it from fear. I wanted this new mysterious guy smoking next to me to like me and I have already made a fool of myself.

But instead of the normal awkward fake laugh and nod that normal people would share he chuckled and took the last drag of his cigarette. “You’re cute, you know that.” He said, and I felt my face get hot as a smile formed on my face. “My names Gerard.” He said steadily, smiling. It wasn’t like any other fake smile, this one seemed real and reassuring.

“Uh, Frank.” I said after a few minutes, realizing I should probably answer him. The night was cold, although the cold didn’t really bother me with this hot personality there next to me. Hours passed in that dark alley, full of chain smoking and strange, but funny conversations. I learned a lot from this boy named Gerard. Apparently he had moved here a few days ago and he hasn’t really been out. He said he had a brother Mikey, that was younger, but he spent most of his time with. He said he liked to draw, and I talked him into showing me at least one picture at school.

I told him about my treasured guitar, Pansy, and somehow he convinced me to show him a song or two. We talked about various things, his old town, my boring life trying to avoid the 'everyone hates me part', everything. But not quite, the things that you would be able to talk to a person about. I stayed away from the deep things, the things I told no one, my depression, continuous self-harm, my poisonous thoughts. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, or leave me alone because he thought I was a freak like everyone else. And I definitely didn't want him to like me out of sympathy, I wanted him to like me for me, and who I was.

“My goodness, look at the time.” He said, squinting at the blinding light of his phone. “Well, I guess its time to go.” Both of us started to walk to the entry of the alley. “Which way are you going?” He asked and I pointed to the right to continue my walk from the diner. He nodded with a kind smile, I hoped that he wanted to walk with me, and that whole ‘look at the time’ thing wasn’t a sign that he wanted to get away from me.

“My house is a couple blocks straight, so it won’t be too long.” I said with a nervous laugh.
He looked at me strangely, “how many blocks?”

“Uh, like two and a half.” I answered, once again nervously. I ran my fingers through my long bangs on the right side of my face, roughly brushing them behind my ear.

“That’s crazy.” He said breathless. I wondered what he meant and gave him a questioning stare. “Oh,” He looked at me surprised, than his usual sideways smirk, “I live about three blocks straight on the corner closest.” He pointed to himself, gesturing to what he just said. I smiled, happily. This meant I get to see this beautiful, mysterious man more.

“That’s good.” I said, not really knowing how to respond but wanting to keep this conversation going.

“Hopefully we get to see each other more.” He said, his voice was slightly shaky, at his attempts to hide his nervousness. He was nervous? I was suprised. I nodded with a smile, hoping to reassure him.

“Here’s where we part.” I said, gesturing to my house. My house was the usual house you would find. Small front yard, a sidewalk separating the two halves. Stairs leading to the front door and the screen door which the screen was ripped halfway through. I heard yelling and a sudden glass break. Oh here, it goes again. Welcome to hell, is what I felt like saying to Gerard but I fought my urge. See my parents are the christian folk that go to church every sunday, read the bible each night, at least the nights they aren’t drunk and screaming at each other. They try to keep their craziness hidden in the ‘I’m a perfect christian’ high life, as everyone thought that they were living.

“What was that?” He questioned.

“I don’t know, but I guess I’m gonna find out.” I said as I lazily started to walk toward my house. I wasn’t excited, to say the least.

“Uh, Frank.” Gerard called after me when I was only a few feet away. “Why are you going in there? To me, it doesn’t sound too good and it won’t be any help, toward you, to head in there.” He said, trying to keep his confidence although I once again heard the nervousness building up inside of him. Ah, so pretty boy cares?

“What do you presume I should do? It’s not like I could stop it, or I have a choice.” Suddenly mad at my parents, and that anger was surfaced through my words.

“Maybe, stay the night somewhere, like a friends or something.” He said, his nervousness was showing now as he brushed his hand through his hair.

I responded with a bitter chuckle, “you think I have friends?” I said, angrily. I wasn’t mad at him, I was mad at the situation. This wasn’t anything new and it wasn’t anything big, this wasn’t the worst they have been. But, I guess Gerard doesn’t know, and I shouldn’t be angry but it was too late. I tried to calm my anger down by focusing my attention at anything other than the frightened boy in front of me. I violently ran my hands threw my hair, tears stinging my eyes. I then threw my hands forward, pulling my hair and growling. I was mad at myself, mad at my parents. I didn’t like this situation and I didn’t want Gerard to be here, but he didn’t leave.

“Frank- I-I’m sorry.” He said, trying to calm me down, or make himself feel better that he tried. I wonder if he considered me as a friend. I guess he hasn’t met the boys at school who he would like much better than me. It made me angry that school was in tomorrow and he hasn’t been there yet, and he would later see everyone. He would make better friends than I could ever be, and he would learn how hated I was in this town. He would learn to hate me too, like the other kids, just to fit in like everyone else in this town. I stared at Gerard, a bitter blank stare through the hair that I had threw over my face. Tears flooded my eyes as the thoughts did the same to my head.

“Goodbye Gerard, see you tomorrow.” I said in a low monotone voice. I walked straight toward my house, despite his repeated calls.

Notes

You like?
What will happen next? I don't know...
Just kidding I do. Sorry- not sorry.
Am I rude?

What shall Gerard to? What shall happen to Frank?

xoxo Death Obsessed