The Right Way

Frank laid there like an angel, his hair swooped over his face and his breathing slow and steady, his hands curled around mine. He slept so peacefully. I couldnt be graced with sleeps presence, however. Instead I lie here wondering how this happened. I rerun today's events in my mind. I had met Frankie in class. He seemed cool, so I invited him to sit with me at lunch. I slowly started liking this boy more and more, so I decided to have him walk with me. And then I kissed him. We went home. And we fucked. It was perfect, to say the least.


But how does Frankie feel? Does he feel the same for me as I feel for him? Or am I nothing but a play toy? The mere thought sent shivers down my spine. I really felt something for him. I needed him really bad. Nit in a sexual way, (although that to, kinda) but in the most innocent sense. I needed his giggle, his dimples, his smile, the way he talked, his voice, the way his hands moved with every syllable out of his mouth.


What if it was the exact opposite? What if he thought I just wanted him for physical needs? I mean, I had only showed him affection physically, I wouldnt be surprised if he thought that! I started to sweat, feeling tiny droplets of salty liquid pool down my face. I needed to tell him, as soon as he woke up, that I legitimately liked him, alot, in every manner. I need him to know what I feel for this boy I just met is much stronger than any other crush of the past. Wait, what if I just scare him away? What if he just runs? Will he be mad? Upset? Weirded out? Im probably just a one night stand to him. But he is so much more to me. God, I sound so pathetic. Falling for a guy I just met. I can hear mocking mothers in the distance informing me on infatuations.But, I really, really, like this kid. He's different from everybody else. I only wish he would think the same of me. I looked at Frank, who had, at some point in my thought process, and turned towards me. His lips looked so perfect. I wish I could kiss them, right now. But I didnt want to scare him anymore than I already had. Thats it. I couldnt take this. Remembering what had happened last time I felt this way for someone, I jolted up. I couldnt do this. Not again. Flash backs ran through my mind.

*flashback*

"Honey, please. I need you" I say, tears forming in my eyes.

"No Gerard. Those scars on your wrists, they're to much. Not to mention your addictions! I cant date such a coward, who would rather hurt himself then deal with life. And it hurts me too!! How do you think I feel, watching you do this??? I cant, Gerard. I just cant. You hurt me too much."

"Lynz, please"

"Goodbye Gerard."

*end of flashback*

If Frank saw my scars, he'd never even speak to me. I cant let this happen. I just cant. I know this is my own home, but, I cant stay here with Frank. I have to leave. I pick up a paper and pen and write.

Dear Frank, I just met you. I took this too far, Im sorry. I,really do like you though, a lot. But after a lot of thinking, I realised that this is probably what you want and what is best for you. Me leaving. Dont get me wrong, I still like you as much as I did yesterday. Maybe more. But I realise I took it way out of hand and I apologize.

Sounded good to me. I planned on walking around till morning, going to school, avoiding frank, and going home. My parents wouldnt even notice I left.

Notes

Heeyyooo. Been awhile, I know, but Ive been going through a really tough time in my life, (boys suck. Parents do to.) And havent really been emotionally fit for this. But Im okayish now, so here is a little peek inside Gerards mind. Sorry for any mechanics errors, wrote it on my phone. Hope you like! Comment, they make me happy.