I see you lying next to me

So it’s true, he really is gay. What about the things the others talked about? Should I ask him about that?
No, it seemed so hard to talk about for the others, then what would his reaction be? He could get furious and rape me right now!
Though I don't feel very scared of him.

What if this is all just his plan and I've fallen into the trap?

“It’s okay, really” I say quietly as I turn to look through his large window again.
“So you’re not scared of me?” he asks, I can hear some enthusiasm in his voice.
“No” I answer quietly again.
“As long as you promise to not rape me” I continue. I turn to look at him.
He’s smiling, really, smiling.
I get the feeling of wanting to hug him very tight again.
I must be going crazy.
What if he’s doing this to me? Maybe this is what Bob meant when he said Frank could be dangerous. I don’t even know what kind of powers he’s got, but I know that he has more than anyone else here. He must be controlling my mind or something.
I smile back at him.

“I promise! I could never rape you.” he says as he almost throws himself on me and starts kissing my jawline and down my neck. I feel uncomfortable to be honest.
I realize that I’m now lying on his floor; he’s sitting on me and kissing me. I feel very uncomfortable. This is wrong, what if he rapes me now? How can I trust him?
I feel a panic attack coming.
I need to get out, now.

He must’ve realized that I feel uncomfortable in the position because I just lie silently, not responding in any way. He gets up off me. He seems confused.

“I'm very sorry, you're just so pretty” he mumbles.
He stares at me as I get up from the floor and open his door and get out as fast as possible.

I run through the empty corridor towards my own room.
I close the door.
I fall down and sit against the door and start to cry immediately.

I’m so stupid, why didn’t I leave him alone when he told me to go away for the first time?
I let him do his tricks with my mind. I hate myself.
I let him cuddle me.
I smiled at him.
I even told him it’s okay to be gay. Really it’s not fucking okay.

I should go to sleep. I still have to wake up early.
I take a look at the clock that’s on my wall. It’s almost five in the morning.

I’m so tired.

- - - - -

I woke up at about 3 p.m.
Now I’m sitting at our cafeteria and drinking my “morning” coffee.
I usually take my coffee to my room with me and drink it there, but today I decided to drink it here because this way I could maybe see him if I get lucky.
I haven’t seen him yet. Maybe he’s practicing with the others, even when he doesn’t have to yet.

I feel bad for him; he left my room so late that he had just few hours left to sleep before the teachers came to wake everybody up, except me. They don’t bother to try anymore.

I feel very angry at myself too for getting too enthusiastic and kissing him so suddenly, though it's been a long time since I've had someone as pretty as he in my room. I went too fast, this has to be done slowly for it to work. I want this game to last longer with him, I feel like he's different than my last ones.
But I’m used to it, being angry at myself.
It’s not new to me anymore that I ruin everything somehow.
To be honest, I still don’t get it why he looked so overly upset when he left, I didn’t fucking rape him. I just kissed him friendly because he didn’t seem to judge me for being myself.
He was the first person in a long time that wasn’t scared of me and didn’t just tell me how pathetic I am.

And then he storms out of my room without saying anything. Seems like he was like everyone else after all.
But I’m used to being alone so it doesn’t change anything; I'll just get his trust back somehow and I can continue this in peace.

Sometimes I wish someone would actually love me or something, and I wouldn't have to please my desires so drastically.
Maybe I’m meant to be alone all my life.

I can feel the few teachers staring and talking about me from few tables behind me.
I understand them; they’re not used to seeing me here.

I hear the cafeteria's doors open and someone walks in.
I follow him with my eyes.

His black hair is messed up and his skin looks paler than normally.
It's very obvious that he most likely woke up a moment ago and didn’t go practicing.
He goes to make himself some coffee. He looks very distracted.

As he waits for his coffee to be ready, he looks around the place.
He notices me.
I stare him straight in the eyes.
His eyes looks swollen, and he has dark circles under his eyes.

He stares back quickly, then turns and takes his coffee.
He goes to sit far away from me. The cafeteria is almost empty, there's only me, him and the teachers that are looking at him in wonderment now.

I keep staring at him. I know this makes him uncomfortable.
He notices my staring and looks at me questioningly, raising his eyebrow.
I just grin at him.
He looks so confused. I love to see him like this, he fucking deserves it.

I take a sip of my coffee and continue staring at him. I love to tease him.
Then suddenly, he grins back at me.

Notes

there you go, the fifth chapter (:
i'm so happy that someone really reads this :D