I see you lying next to me

“Gerard please calm down—“ He hissed at me.
“I will not fucking calm down!” I screamed, still in so much anger it scares me.
He flinched, and stared at me abashed. He stood still and said nothing back.

I took a deep breath.
All the anger that I had kept inside me for the week, came out in a moment. I felt my face turning red as I shouted at him. I felt very high anger, sadness and anguish at the same time, it felt very good and bad at the same time.
I let out everything, all the little things and the big things. I told him maybe even too much, but I didn’t care. I wanted everything sorted out and his shitty little habits to end. I started crying again as I got to the part where I thought that he was controlling my mind and everything and how it really turned out and how everything went so strangely downhill from then on. I soon started shouting at him about the fact that I certainly can’t even sleep anymore because he makes me so paranoid and anguished. I shouted and shouted, at the same time I wondered how many people in the near rooms were listening to our little fight, but even that didn’t stop me.
He soon obviously couldn’t look at me anymore as he just stared at the floor with his head down. For the first time he was really listening to me.

“Fucking look at me as I’m talking to you!” I shout at him. He raised his head slowly and stared me in the eyes, and now I saw that he was crying too. This feels so good, he fucking deserves this.
“For a while I really thought that I liked you, and that fucking scared me because I liked you that way, but then just as I almost had accepted the whole thing, suddenly you start being fucking annoying and childish little shit! What the fuck is wrong with you?” I shouted before I quickly corrected something. “No. The real question is what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do you think I deserve all this? What have I done to you?” I said, before bursting into tears again and continuing my questioning quietly, asking the last question “…What did I ever do to you, Frank?”
He just stared at me, fearfully. Finally he was the scared one.
“Now as you say it like that… I really don’t know.” he mumbles, looking somewhat embarrassed.
“I know it doesn’t help but I’m really sorry about everything” He continues quietly, his swollen eyes awkwardly staring at mine.
“No it certainly does not fucking help. I want answers, Frank. Also, tell me Frank, what's so horrible that you've done that no-one dares to talk about? Who have you killed Frank?” I noticed a while ago that always as I say his name like this, he seems to flinch a bit. It’s funny to be honest.
Suddenly his face got serious, he looked around a bit. What is he planning?

“Frank? What’s going on?” I ask him, my voice finally somehow calming down.
“Shh, please be quiet now” he whispers, and takes a peek past me.
“Why? What—“ I got interrupted by someone behind me.
“Gerard” They said, I was afraid to turn my head. They placed their cold hand on my shoulder. Not now please. Just as I was about to get some answers, just my luck.

“Gerard I’m sorry but you and your friend just got a detention for tomorrow” Mary says. She had heard us. Of course she had you moron.
“But…” was all in could say. No, I can’t get detention, I just don’t get detention.
“No buts, you’ll both come to my office at six o’clock tomorrow and that’s it.” She says sleepily, but as strictly as always.

Franks looks at me, raising his eyebrows as to say something like ‘this is all your fault you fucking idiot’. I just grin at him. He’s the one that’s been doing the wrong thing.

As I finally turn my head to look at her, I realize how fucking ugly she is without all the make up and the curled hair. The bored and exhausted look on her face makes her look even older than she actually is, and she’s really fucking old. Her outfit, a white pajama dress, looks very used and old. I bet she’s been wearing that as her pajamas for like fifty years at least.

“Also, Frank, you must go to your own room now. I want to be sure that you’re apart for the rest of the night” She says as she stares at Frank. Frank just stares back at her, without moving.
“Come on now, I’d like to go back to sleep now” She mumbles as she motions Frank to come with her hand.
Frank slowly starts moving towards her.
They walk out of my room together, leaving my door open so I could hear her mumbling something like “Thank you Frank for ruining another of our students with your shit” to Frank. What does that even mean? He’s had more crushes here? …Or has still? …Or he’s just doing this to other people too? I’ll ask him sometime.
“Go fuck yourself” I hear Frank telling Mary, being loyal to his style.

I close my door; feeling more messed up than ever.
I just told Frank everything, literally everything.
I shouted every single thing from the moment that I realized that I liked Frank to the fact that I really loved it when he kissed me, at him (which made him look at me like I was the strangest thing he’s ever seen). Though I also certainly remembered to mention all the things from hating him more than anyone ever to the fact that I think he’s ruined my life and that he should probably forget the fact that I ever liked him because I hate him now. I’m happy that for once I got to say everything that’s been on my mind to him, though I still don’t know if I said too much.
After all, one of the worst things is that now also Mary knows everything.
She had heard us, there’s a proof to that. Now she knows what’s been going on between me and Frank, though I never wanted to be involved in anything.

Why did I even let him do it for so long? Though it’s been only a week after all, it feels much more. Why did I let this obviously younger boy fuck with me for so long? What made me stand it for so long? What really is wrong with me?
I may know the answer but I won’t let myself accept it.

I think I may have liked it all a little bit, in a way. Of course it was fucking annoying and it kind of ruined my life for the time, but there was something that I liked about it, there was something I still liked about Frank then.

Notes

I'm sorry it took a few days but i wanted this to be really good :D
I hope you like it!
Things are going to be pretty different after this chapter and the second part of this, which i have already written but will post it later (:
Thanks for the nice comments guys, i really appreciate you guys commenting, subscribing, voting and all! (: