I see you lying next to me

Gerard’s P.O.V

Well, the past month has been pretty awful.
I miss my family so much, I miss my old room. I really want to go home, but I can’t. I need to be here until I can control my powers perfectly and I’m able to live with normal people.
Anyway, I don’t know how long I can’t take it anymore; I can’t even study properly because someone is making my life hell, on purpose.
Frank keeps sneaking to my room almost every other night, and then he’ll wake me up with kissing me, or sneaking next to me in my bed or whatever. It’s making me sick, tired and most of all very fucking anguished and paranoid. I'm thankful that Ray let me sleep on his couch a few times when the days had been long and I just couldn't go to sleep in my own room because of the possibility of Frank coming there again.
What makes it all even worse is that he never leaves me alone, never.

Everywhere I go, he’s there either just smirking at me or shouting things at me.
During our outside practices I can see him waving at me and shouting things like “Gerard please come here I really want to fuck you” “Gerard you were so amazing last night” “Gerard I love you” from his window, which makes everyone always stare at me questioningly. The last time this happened I heard someone whisper something like "I'm surprised he isn't dead yet"
What does that even mean?
When I’m trying to eat at the cafeteria, he comes to sit to the next table and grins at me.
When Ray and the others notice this, they tell me once again to stay away from him and then they shout things like 'you dare to do it to Gerard and you're dead' 'we've seen how you look at him, go find another victim' at Frank. All this confuses me a lot, I know it's somehow associated with 'the horrible stuff Frank's done' but no-one tells me anything when I try to ask about it

I once even went to ask Mary about it and told her everything I've heard and seen, but she just told me that Frank hasn't done anything wrong but the others just like to bully him.
.
The only place I’ve got a little time without him around is the library, though even there he once came to me suddenly from behind and whispered something like “I really love your lips, I always wonder how they’d look around my—“ in my ear before I interrupted him telling him to ‘shut the fuck up’, then he told me that he has entertained himself in many ways with the thought.
I can’t tell anyone about how much he annoys me really, nobody would understand… or believe.

Every night as he’s in my room I try to make him stop, I always tell him how much I hate him and how much I want him to leave me alone. Thought I have to admit that a lot of times I give in pretty fast 'cause I know he won't stop and 'cause... I like it in a way.

But what am I going to do now?
I feel so hopeless.
I cover my face with my hands, this can’t be happening.
I really can’t say I don't like it when he kisses me. I like too much. I like it more than I should. But still the worst part is that I really let out a fucking moan during the kissing on that one time, and now he thinks that he’s done something right.
This is so confusing, like, am I going crazy or should I just admit to the fact that I might like boys? …That I might like Frank a little bit?
Though now I don’t even know how I feel about him after what he’s been doing.
It’s not very nice from him to just come here and scare the shit out of me right after I fainted because of him. I mean, it’s pretty fucking scary to wake up and all of a sudden see his face right in front of you.
I don’t know if I really hate him for all this (which is very possible) or like him for reasons I don’t even know.
I should really do something or this will get even worse. I thought I could just forget him and whatever I’m feeling for him by just staying away from him and avoiding him, but it’s not going very well since he’s reminding me about his existence all the time.

I get up from my bed; I really just don’t feel like sleeping anymore.
I take a look through the window, it’s getting pretty dark.
I go to my bathroom to take a shower.
I’ll try to sleep later.

-----

What should I do next?
I need to do something again; it’s been so much fun!
Oh wait, he’s usually going to bed about now.
Maybe he’s already asleep and I could do the same again! Would that be nice?
No?
I still don’t fucking care!

There’s something fucking great about teasing him.
The way he stares at me so fearfully, it’s so hot.
But I can’t go back now; I can hear and feel that there are a lot of students in the corridor now, probably just going to their rooms to sleep. They’re always very noisy for some reason.
“Quiet up there please!” I hear Mary screaming from downstairs. The noise ends immediately; nobody wants any trouble with Mary.
I’m not tired yet because I woke up so late. Gerard is probably all the same as he hasn’t slept very well for the last few weeks, for some reason.
He probably tries to sleep anyway because he has to wake up early.

I’ll go to his room later when I’m sure he’s asleep.
I’ll just play my guitar until then.

-----

I seriously can’t sleep.
I’m so anxious, what if he’s here again as I wake up? Which is more than possible.
I know it sounds stupid, but he’s so unpredictable.
Also it doesn’t help it that as I took a quick glance through the window after shower, I saw someone walking in the forest alone and I don’t know why but that gave some really bad shivers. For a while the guy even seemed to stare right at me. So I’m just lying here on my bed, feeling fucking terrified of everything and terrified to sleep. Every time I close my eyes it feels like my door opens in any moment and either Frank or the guy in the forest comes in. I sob quietly.
I can’t sleep, not alone.
It’s too scary and oppressing here. I really can’t take this anymore. I didn’t expect my life here to be this awful, though it would be pretty nice without that one asshole.

Would it be too late to ask Ray if I could sleep on his couch?
I have to try.
I’ll get so much trouble if I get caught but I just can’t help it.
I wish I had the ability to feel people’s presence, like the asshole can.
I’d love to see Frank’s face as he sneaks to my room again and then realizes that I’m not there.

I make my way out of my room, to the cold and empty corridor. Thank god it’s empty.
Ray’s room is in the floor above, I hope the corridor there is empty too.
I head quietly to the stairs and walk them up as carefully as I just can.

I hear some laughing from one of the rooms; the other rooms are perfectly silent.
I reach Ray’s room quickly. I hesitate for a moment before I knock on his door.
No answer.

I knock three times again, without getting any answer. Maybe he’s already asleep.
Suddenly I realize the fact that this means that I’ll have to sleep alone. No, I really can’t make it through the night alone. I hate my life so much right now. Fucking Ray, why do you have to sleep already? Fucking Frank, why do you want to ruin my life so bad? What did I ever do to you Frank? …To deserve this?
I’m crying already, I don’t want to go back to my room and just wait for the asshole to come back and ruin my life a little bit more. I collapse to the floor crying.
“What did I ever do to you? “I hear myself whispering quietly.
I’ve never felt this anguished, it feels like the walls will collapse on me at any moment. I want to go home. I want to go away from here, far away. Why did I ever even come here? There has to be other options. I wipe away some tears, I almost can’t see anymore because of the flooding tears that are blocking my view.

I hug myself.
These corridors are so cold.
It was just then as I realized that the corridors are pretty fucking scary too, the emptiness and the darkness makes these long corridors look seriously terrifying. I need to go to my own room before I fall asleep. I bet it wouldn’t be a very nice surprise to Ray to find me sleeping here.
I get up from the floor and quickly (but still pretty quietly) go down the stairs before some murderer comes after me from the shadows.

I get to my own corridor again, not specially looking at anywhere since I’m still crying, but not as bad as earlier.
Suddenly I see someone at my door as I take a quick glance.
It’s Frank of course. I turn invisible and keep walking towards my own room as quietly as I just can. Frank takes a look at the empty corridor behind him, but he sees nothing of course. His face looks suddenly pretty weird, he’s staring wonderingly right through me. Like he could sense my presence, oh wait a minute, he actually can. Oh fuck.

Right after that, I get to be the one who stares wonderingly as he just opens my door like nothing happened. He goes in fast.
I can hear his voice through my door, he’s wondering my whereabouts aloud.

I open my door as I turn visible again. His head turns at me right away.
I almost didn’t even remember the fact that I was crying my eyes out and wanting to die just a few moments ago, before his frightened eyes stared at me terrified and he opened his mouth.
I probably look like a fucking mess.

“What the fuck happened to you? “

That got my anger grow from one to hundred in a second so fucking bad and it all hit me again. Is he fucking stupid or something? I had to fight the urge to just strangle him right there and now.

“You! You happened! “I shout at him, in so much anger that even I got scared.

Notes

so, here's another chapter again c:
you guys don't even know how much i missed writing.

anyway, please leave a comment, subscribe or whatever you feel like, it would be very nice :)
I promise to update as soon as i can ~~