Just Look at All That Pain

The sun had risen and roughly twenty four hours had passed. Gerard was starting to come to terms that maybe Frank wasn’t coming home. His mind had started to calm down, partially because he was so tired. He began picturing his life without Frank, coming home to only Pansy, having to cook for only himself and falling asleep in a cold and empty bed. These thoughts brought back the pain and guilt, but now fear was replaced by anger. How could Frank leave him now? Didn’t he realize he was the only reason he was still alive? The reason Gerard could get up in the mornings? The only reason he was clean and sober?
Gerard was brought back to reality for a moment by loud bangs on the front door and Pansy crying. He reluctantly got up and shuffled to the door, silently praying to ever kind of celestial body out there that Frank would be on the other side of the door. He pushed Pansy back with his foot as he opened the door, only to be greeted by Mikey.
“Dude, what the fuck happened to you last night. I called you like 70 times but nothing. Too busy with Frank to come have a drink with your brother,” he said with a laugh as he bent down to pick up Pansy and walk straight into the living room, without even glancing at Gerard.
Gerard couldn’t say anything. He turned to close the door, but once Mikey mentioned Frank, all the emotions he had been trying to fight back, hit him again. He lent his forearms on the front and started silently balling into his sleeves.
“Gee,” Mikey said again as he noticed Gerard hadn’t followed him. He turned back but he wasn’t ready for the site that met him. Gerard had slide down the door and was curled into the fetal position, sobbing into his hands.
Mikey rushed to his side and kneeled down next to him. He grabbed his brother’s face and asked him what happened again.
This time Gerard was finally able to string a response together through the tears. “F-f-frank. L-letters… on.. the couch.”
Mikey grabbed some tissues from the book in the bathroom and handed them to Gerard, before looking for the letter, trying to prepare himself for the worse, which he thought would be that he left Gerard. The reality was much worse. After he read the letter, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the only two people he could think of, Jamia and Ray.
Unknown to Mikey, Jamia was still in hospital and therefore she didn’t answer. Ray on the other hand picked up almost straight away.
“Hey Ray. Can you do me a favor? Can you swing by Gerard’s place really quick? It’s Frank.”
“Yeah, Mikey. Is everything ok?”
“Umm… no, not really.”
“Ok see you in a sec,” Ray said with a sigh. He lived in the same neighborhood as Gerard so it wouldn’t take him too long to get there.
“Come on, Gee. Let’s get you off the floor,” Mikey said, fighting back tears for Gerard’s sake. He was still so shocked, Frank was the last person he ever would have thought would do this. He carried Gerard back to the couch and sat next to him. Gerard wrapped his arm around Mikey’s waist and continues crying into his shoulder. They sat in silence, with the sound of Gerard still crying being the only exception, and waited for Ray.

Notes

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