you are another me

I wait by the front door paitently until Frank opens it almost right away.
He raises one eyebrow and looks at me up and down.
Is he really checking me out? No scratch that. He's probably confused by why im here waiting, though he shouldnt be surprised. Frank should of expected it considering im absolutely crazy for him. Well of course he doesnt know that yet.

The thing about Frank man, You just dont know what expect. I was expecting him to knock like ordinary people who go to someones house not just barge in as if it was theirs. What was he trying to do? Pull the little trick like yesterday by scaring the shit out of me downstairs. I didnt think this through. Maybe i didnt figure him all out. As much as i like figuring people out i tend to get very paranoid finding out that theres still more to go.

I dont want to have to put a lock on my door. I really dont. I want to trust Frank, But if he keeps coming in like this im sorry but im not just gonna leave it. I love him i really do.

"Frank?" Frank asks
Okay enough of this, Why'd i lie about my name?
He's gonna get so mad i swear
"dont call me that" I spit out. I didnt mean to say it like. The reaction i got from Frank nearly tore my heart into two.
"do you want to talk?" Frank asked putting his head down
yes.
"Itd be better if we didnt" I whispered.

What was i thinking? Of course i wanted to talk to him, but i cant. My brain is filled with stupid what if's and if he wanted to speak with me than he needs to wait for me to calm the fuck down. im a mess and he doesn't even notice. But its good that he doesn't because than he'll worry and we all know what happens after that. I feel guilty and then i have to tell him whats happening.

Damn you Frank look what you did to me.

______

Its been almost three hours since we talked at the front door, Now im sat across from Frank at my kitchen table while he's staring the place down and im finishing a painting.
We share short glances at each other once in a while but besides that we say nothing. Frank sighs, but i refuse to look up -though i so want to- and just paint freely. Its hard to think when the person youre thinking about is sitting right infront of you. If i couldn't tell that he's bored than id say that its actually pretty nice sharing silence with each other. we dont even have to talk and i still enjoy his presence. Oh Frank the things you do to me.

"Whats wrong" So he finally speaks
"Hm?" I mumble still focusing on my painting
"Dont play dumb, Youre not acting the same" Frank says inching his face closer to mine
Shit he's smart.
I look up and he's a lot more closer than i thought. I literally had to hold on to the table to stop myself from kissing him.
"Tell me" Frank leaned closer so that our noses were basically touching
I breath heavily and shake my head while leaning backwards and almost losing my balance on the chair.
Frank's eyes grows wide and backs away quickly
"Fuck im so sorry, i almost forgot you dont like me being so close to you" He says making me get reminded of that time where i shut the door in his face due to the closeness.

That was so scary, imagine if i couldn't control myself and ended up kissing him?! Oh god i cant. He'd leave for sure. I cant let that happen. He's keeping me going.

"Hey uh, can we talk? Maybe?" Frank mutters
Wait fuck, What if he knows? What if he knows im lying to him?
No. What if he can read my mind. Wait no what the fuck gerard thats stupid.
I couldnt hold in my laughter, Me and my idiotic thoughts i tell yeah.

"whats so funny?"
"i thought you could read my mind thats all, You wouldnt want to know what happens in here" I say calmly then almost jumping up and booking it realizing what i just said

"Oh? Why? Whats in there huh?" Frank says in a really seductive tone.
"fuck" I say under my breath.
Oh my god. He probably thinks i think about fucking him all the time -that thought only came across my mind once-

Frank laughs. "Im only teasing you" He says pulling me up and leaving the kitchen.
"And where do you think youre going mr." I say coming up behind him
"Oh yknow somewhere i dont have to squint my eyes when trying to talk"
"Well i dont want you searching around places in my house" I say picking him up from behind
Frank gasps and im almost certain he hates it but then he laughs that oh so cute laugh.
"What do you think im gonna do? Run away from you?" Frank says kicking his feet attempting to get loose.
But since he's so ridiculously light its almost impossible for him to get away.
"Well you never know, you might end up in one of my traps. and you wouldnt want that"
"Dude how do i know youre not bringing me to a trap?" Frank says turning his head to face me
"Not unless you think my bedrooms a trap" I smile
"Well like, It can be" He snickers
"That sounds vaguely dirty but .. indeed it certainly can be." I smile even wider.
Such a dirty kid.
Frank just laughs.

When I step into my room i flick the light switch on and i put down Frank on the end of the bed,
My rooms nothing special. Just pretty depressing paintings scattered on the wall, a few .. well more than just a few empty bottles of liquor in the corner of the room, cant forget about the kick ass posters above my bed and some empty some full cigarette packets on my bedside table next to a ripped picture of Mikey.

Frank looks around and the light in his eyes fade quickly when viewing. What can i say, I figured out most of my problems alone in here. This is what inside my head looked like before i met him.
"Holy shit" He whispers
I sit down beside him.
"So what would you like to talk about hmm?" I ask making Frank jump a little
It takes awhile for frank to comprehend what i just said but he soon turns to face me.

"Oh .. i- my parents. They want to meet you" Frank says sadly
Wait what?! He told someone about me??
"Frank i- w-why'd you tell someone about me?"
"I couldnt help it, I didnt want to i swear! I just wanted to tell my parents how happy i was and i mentioned you by accident"
"Oh im sure .. wait i make you happy?" I said surprised
"Duh" Frank said leaning against me

I just sat there still for a second until the question occurred to me
"Why do your parents want to meet me?" I nudge frank
"Well uhm you see, They dont believe me. They think i crazy or some shit considering im finally happy"
"Well they're dicks. How dont they believe you though? I dont understand"
"They cant see someone having the same name as me, They keep asking me if im sure your name isnt uh like what was it gerald?. no uhm it starts with a G i know that" Frank laughs
"Gerard" I interrupt.
"Yeah! How'd you know?" Frank gasps
Fuck. I thought itd never come to this

"Frank there's something i need to tell you"

The look on Frank's face tells me that he knows whats up.

Notes

OOOUUUU
Well yeah hi!
Im back from a shit trip.

Comment. Next chapter will be better ok