you are another me

The next few days Frank and I spent a lot of time together.
He literally had to drag me outside due to me wanting to stay in my barrier.
But im glad he did because all this time i spent inside sulking and not having the guts to leave my habitat. And yes i did indeed call my house my habitat because it felt like that the only place where i felt accepted was here, But when Frank sat with me on the grass. It felt like i didnt need to be scared anymore. He changed my perspective on things and i couldnt thank him enough.
-
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I told Frank a shit ton of things. I dont know why but something about Frank made me trust him.
I told him about my brother, my depression, all my thoughts .. well not all. I didnt tell him i was bisexual, I dont want to scare him.
The weirdest thing was that Frank looked so interested as i told him about myself. Last time i poured half of my heart to somebody all they did was judge me. Thats why im so insecure.
He told me that it was okay and he understood me. And i knew he did because i can tell by the way he looks at me. Hurt filled eyes as if he's having some sort of flashback. And then his bottom lip quivered. He was holding the thoughts in, Its obvious he hasnt figured any of them out yet, And thats my job to help him.

Without any warning Frank started to cry. I could feel him, i could feel his heart breaking .. hell i could feel mine getting stabbed seeing him like this.
I couldn't just stare at him sobbing i had to do something.
I told him to tell me what was wrong .. to tell me what he was holding in for far too long.

Frank told me about his parents. How his own mom judged him, said he was a mistake, asked him why he was still here. Then school, he tried telling this to one of his friends and all they did was make it worse by saying 'couldnt blame her, i wouldnt want a gay son either'.
"Its not my fault im gay" He said through tears.

I told him that he didnt deserve any of that and that it was okay to be gay, but before i could finish the sentence he started talking again. I immediatly shut up and listened.

He said the first time he came here the plan was that he was finding a place to kill himself.
my mouth dropped and i could feel the tears.
I lunged at him almost knocking him over -we were sitting so it was awkward- I kept on repeating the words 'no'

I couldnt believe what i as hearing. If i didnt notice him that one day he could of been dead .. I dont know what'd id do without him. That sounded cheesy but it was true. Oh god i couldnt think. I actually couldn't and it scared me cause this was the only time were i couldn't control myself. I know how it feels to be suicidal it fucking sucks man.

Now instead of him freaking out over his thoughts it was me. Though i wasnt crying i just couldnt breath. I learned to control situations like this and i was trying. Oh god i was trying. Did you really think i wanted to be like this emotional wreck around Frank? Fuck no.

By this point Frank was now shaking me. I couldnt think of anything to say. I choked out a simple 'okay i just .. need water' and stood up and walked into the house. I wasnt okay, my thoughts were suffocating me.
_____

I opened my eyes slowly and caught Frank staring at me.

"What the fuck man?! What ever happened to you getting a glass of water?" Frank nearly yelled
I flinched at his sudden anger and tried standing up.

"Its your turn now"
I didnt understand. My turn? My turn for what?!

Frank face palmed.
"Are you kidding? Okay its your turn to speak and tell me what the fuck just happened. I didnt want to find you passed out on the steps!" Frank looked plain worried now.

Could i really tell him? Well yeah i kinda have no choice now
"I was suffocating"
Frank looked at me. he was trying to understand.

"Y-You dont understand. I care a lot about you Frank and and and and- .. you telling me that you were gonna kill yourself ripped my heart in half. It felt like i was dying all over again, When i first saw you i just knew i had to protect you. And i just wish i could of helped you before you even thought about it."
I was starting to rant now.
"Im just so fucking glad you didnt.. Im overreacting arent i? Shit"

Frank didnt say anything and i panicked.

"Im crazy i know" I whispered
Frank went wide eyes and shook his head
"No oh my god. I couldn't ask for a better friend"
I gasp. Although i didnt mean to i did. I was shocked.
I was considered his friend?! Yup i sure was acting like an over obsessed fan girl but i could care less.

"Friend" I said
Frank nodded and laughed

"Well maybe youre a lil crazy" Frank winked
I gazed down
"But i like you" He added

I bit my lip and smiled.

Notes

SHIT CHAPTER IM SORRY