you are another me

My body jerks awake. I look at my surroundings to come across that im in my .. bed?
When did i get here? Last thing i remembered was slamming the door in my oh so truly ...Frank.
I feel so bad for just shutting it on him. Feel even worse for lying to him.
The time i got to actually communicate with him i ruined it by getting scared from him being 'a little to close'
I knew i'd fuck things up.
What is wrong with me.
-
-

I wasnt about to cry was i? No! of course not! Cryings for the weak, im not fucking weak!!
Im strong. Maybe im just a little confused but not weak.. defiantly not weak.

Why now? why must i fall in love now?! Have you ever been so in love where its not only you feel butterflies flying freely in your stomach when he's around or when your heart melts from just him looking at you or even when he talks to you ..
Frank though. That little fucker stole my heart from the beginning.
I doubt he knows this but when i finally opened up the door i was scared. I was scared he would leave, but when our eyes met .. I could feel myself melting i was actually convinced that id soon become a puddle of gerard, My heart beat a little more faster .. so fast i thought it would explode.
But i didnt become a puddle nor did my heart explode. I felt alive. I know i said it before but at that exact moment i knew. I knew i was alive. I knew i just .. couldnt give up. Not now, not ever. I had to keep running.

And what did i do? I fucking slammed the door in his face.
But theres no way in hell im giving up. If you love something -in this case someone- fight for it.
I came to the conclusion that Frank, Frank's worth it. Frank's worth the fight.
_______

I waited at the door for approximately 2 hours and im slowly losing hope.
Im not just gonna give up that easy though. I'll wait. I'll be patient. Even if that means i'd be here until i couldn't open my eyes anymore. Id still be here, Waiting. Waiting for him.

I was to distracted thinking about myself when all of a sudden Frank caught my eye. He was almost at the door. Just before he was about to knock i opened it leaving him shocked with his hand still raised. I stared at his hand still in the air and then at him. When Frank realized this he quickly retreated his hand and then smiled a shy smile. I couldnt stop myself from laughing. But not one of those laughs youd get from people making fun of you but the laugh you get when something is so ridiculously cute its funny. Frank looked down at his feet and i could see a little pink in his cheeks.

I swear its been at least 10 minutes and all we've done was share little glances with each other.
As much as i loved seeing Frank blush like that i had to break the silence.

"Sooo, Frank. Yesterday" I started.

Frank looked up but didnt say anything

"Im sorry.. I really didn't think itd end up with me closing the door in your face. Social anxiety so yknow" I trailed off looking at the sky

I caught Frank smile

"Its .. Its okay, i really shouldnt of put you in that situation. I wasnt of thinking of you. That as a lie, i actually was thinking of you and i wanted to get closer but the plan kinda back fired" Frank grabbed his hair with one hand and made unnecessary gestures with the other

"Im sorry im sorry im sorry, i just .. you. fuck"

Yes please. I mean no.

"Y-You.. Something about you pulled me in okay? It wasnt really my intentions to suddenly step closer to a stranger but i caught a weird welcoming vibe off you" Frank muttered

I was thinking of something to say, but i couldnt. I pulled him in. What do i say to that?! oh yeah well jeez Frank, youre the one who pulled me in the first place. He doesnt even know how many times i sat at my kitchen table not being able to get anything done cause i was thinking of him. Nothing else. Just him.

Frank was mumbling out a mixture of words while i was -yet again- thinking about him.
When he caught my confused gaze he began to start making sense.
"Okay, I didnt know you'd be uncomfortable and its all my fault i always fuck things up, you dont have to forgive me because i shouldnt of did that to you and-"
I pulled Frank in and hugged him. He froze. Maybe not my best choice but i couldn't let him continue beating himself up.
I soon felt the 16 year old hug back, i felt as my heart did somersaults and myself smiling but then he started to speak again.

"I-Im sorry" Frank said barely above a whisper
I squeezed him tighter

"Shh its no big deal"

Notes

Ayyye? Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye