you are another me

I jerk awake to a knock on the door. I look around and it seems i must've fell asleep at the kitchen table, thats weird i never fall asleep here unless there was a reason to.
Maybe i was to anxious to go further away from the door just in case he came back?
Its legitimate.

I then remember that someone was knocking so i hurried to the door, It was him. He was standing very patiently and i must admit he looked insanely cute. I looked at the only working clock in the house, it read 7:30am. Why so early? The only way i could find that out if i get more paper and not make the mistake last time by speaking. Im surprised he reacted the way he did when he heard my voice. I havent spoke in ages so it probably sounded raspy and gross. He was so astrological, but i liked it. I like figuring things out.

Once i got the scrap piece of paper i slid it underneath the door swiftly. The kid smiled down at it and picked it up. 'why so early? i was sleeping you dork'
He laughed but then covered his mouth with his sleeve. So cute.
The boy finished the reply and slid it back. 'Im impatient' it said.
'what do you mean? Dont you have other friends?' I didnt want to sound too mean but hey he was the one who woke me up this early. The kid started reading the note, the smile on his face vanished. Shit. I was to busy regretting what i did i didnt realize that he responded. I opened the note 'Well yeah i have a few but i dont like talking to them as much as i like talking to you'.

I could feel my cheeks burning up. He likes me! Thats the first. I thought he'd get bored of the note passing but clearly not, He picks me over his friends. I dont understand, him. i dont understand him or myself. What am i doing?! Im falling in love with a guy like 5 years younger than me. God i'm such a perv. When he finds out my age he'll for sure stay away from me .. I dont want that, He's the only reason why i even get up in the morning now. I know what i gotta do but im not sure how to do it. I dont want to have to lie to the boy but the only way ill ever have a chance to get closer i got to. Wait no i dont have to. Yes i do. No. Yes. God dammit Gerard think.

I get another paper and i write in big letters 'i want to know you' and just before im about to slide it under the wood, hes gone. I shrug it off knowing or well thinking he'll be back. He cant be gone forever right? I mean he did just say he liked talking to me so i shouldn't have to worry right?
______

I walk downstairs to the basement. I push past the hanging noose in the middle of the room so i can get to the turntable, It begins to play The Smiths as i stare at my escape route. My thoughts begin flowing through my head, i dont only think of him but theres a lot more related to living or what it feels like to have someone. Have someone to hold you when you cant hold it all in, Someone you can talk to in the middle of the night about whats eating you inside, have someone there to tell you everything's gonna turn out just fine ... People say crying is the best solution to let everything out. Though, i dont cry. Crying's shows weakness. Im not weak. im anything but weak. I may not care. Well i used to be careless. Not until i met whats his face. I hate him for that. He made me feel.

Not that its a bad thing but its different for me. After the accident with my brother i didnt care about anything. Kids were scared of me in highschool, I didnt care. But there was this one time when i just turned 18 so close to the end of school where this one kid asked if i was okay when i didnt answer he said 'just because you suck at keeping people alive that doesnt mean you cant talk' and then i replied with 'what is that supposed to mean?'
'well remember what happened to poor little mikey'
Thats when i lost it. Direct hit into the jaw.

Not like any of that matters now. Mikey wouldnt want me to be sulking my whole life. Yet sometimes .. sometimes i just want to be with him. I want to say sorry. I tried joining him in the afterlife but i panicked. Im not scared of death but im still searching for my purpose. I need to find what it is before i do anything. I tell my self everyday that Mikey deserves this life more than me. Im gonna keep living for Mikey. Mikey fucking Way.

It just comes to show that this kid really changed my life, before the day i sent him the very first note i swear i was going crazy but not anymore. I happy that we met. I just have to be careful and not fuck it up.

Life is a puzzle. Its Your choice on how to piece it together

Notes

Next chapter will have much more than just note passing.