you are another me

I stared at him.
Thinking.
Since when. Since when did i let myself to fall in love with strangers?

Frank looked in my direction and smiled.
"Frank, youre extraordinary" I say.
He really really is.
Never in my life have i become more attached to someone so much younger than me.
When i first saw him, it felt like he just ripped my heart out and ran away with it. In a good way though.

___________

"Hey gerard?" Frank said in a weird confused tone
"hm?"
"what were you uhm .. thinking about" he looked nervous as fuck
"What do you mean? uh when do you mean"
Frank bit his lip and looked down at the table
-forgot to mention we were in the kitchen-
"E-Earlier .."
At first it was hard. I was trying to think what happened 'earlier'.
Then it hit me.
Ah. Shit. I touched him again didnt i?
wait. no.
I didnt necessarily touch him, more or like he touched me. I did indeed force him a little to cause the service i needed -remember?- but it wasnt like last time.

I forgot i didnt answer his question.
What was i thinking about???
That should be obvious. I'll have you know -if you didnt already- Whenever i do such things that includes touching myself i do think of him, i always think of him.
But i dont want to share that. I mean its logical right? Maybe i should ask him a question that will also give the answer to his question.

"Answer this, What is a innocent boy like you doing in such a dirty mind like mine?" I asked seductively.
"I-I uh" Aw Frank is so adorable when he's nervous. OR did i freak him out.
FUCK.
I put my face in my hands mumbling out shit thats doesnt even make sense.
"Uh Gerard? you okay."
"No fuck. im sorry it wasnt my attention to freak you out" I muffled my voice
"Wha- nah. i just didnt know what to say.. do you really think about me when doing that gerard?"
I laughed.
"No shit"
Frank's foot trailed up my thigh under the table and i couldnt help but gasp.
"Right back at yah" he smile leaning over and kissing me.
As much as i liked kissing him i didnt feel like getting in that mood.

I pulled away leaving Frank looking confused.
"Why'd you pull away?"
"Because i didnt want to kiss you for more than 5 minutes" I laughed
"But .. kissing is just kissing is it not?"
"Frank please we all know what happens in 5 minutes of kissing"
Frank looked at me then let out some laughter.
I laughed along until we couldn't breath no more.

"Gerard i need to go home" Frank breathed

"No ones stopping you" I answer

F:"Dont you want to know why?"

G:"Slightly but it doesn't matter, go when you like."

F:"Im telling you anyway. My parents noticed my disappearance. They told me if i dont come back soon they'll send over their cousins.. they are not fun"

G:"Well you better go. No way im letting strangers into my house though"

And off he went.

__________

"Gerard you here?" Frank yelled from the front door
"When am i not?" I yelled back
"True" He said coming up into the kitchen holding 6 bags filled with stuff.
"Wh-Whats that?" im not gonna lie i was pretty scared

"Oh my god gerard its just food and other shit" He laughed handing me a mcdonalds bag.
"Oh Frank i really appreciate it but .. i-i cant" I stuttered. You see. I havent eaten in a long time and im surprised im not dead yet. I ran out of my food supply two months ago and i haven't eaten since. But considering my slight drinking problem i stay fueled up.

"Sure you can see look" Frank takes out a burger and unwraps it, handing it to me.
I look at it already feeling sick to my stomach. I shake my head.
"C'mon all the times i came here i havent seen you eat except once when i first met you. You must be starving" He says placing the cow in front of me.

I take a bite just to make him happy. I feel guilty ok? He spent his money on me and i cant not eat it. Frank watches me making sure i swallow it. When i do he smiles and nods. I stuff the burger in my mouth eating it all.
I feel my body digesting the crap i eaten. I feel sick but i did it for Frank who doesnt even know about my problem.

Frank sits across from me eating and taking glances at me.
Oh my fuck. If i sit here any longer i'll empty my stomach on the table and that'd be embarrassing.
"Gerard?" Frank asks concerned
I can feel it coming up my throat. shit i must've waited to long.
"Be right back!" I yell running to the bathroom.
When i enter i see the -my- dried up blood everywhere. On the ground, in the tub, all over the walls. My stomach acids come pouring out of my body right away. Well atleast it was near the toilet am i right?
I bend over the toilet throwing up food and bile from my body making horrific noises.

I swear i passed out from this but no i just zoned in my day dream while still letting everything come out.
"Oh my god are you okay?! Its been 20 minutes and i heard you well yknow and i thought i was hearing things but when i came to check on you, you were -and still- bent over the toilet" Frank sounded so worried. I almost felt guilty for letting him see me like this.

"Are you allergic to anything?! Please tell me youre not gonna end up dying from a allergic reaction. Oh god! Gerard you could have told me. You didnt have to eat it!!"

"No Frank, im not allergic to anything. I have a eating disorder" I choked out. I said it so calmly and it freaked me out when it suddenly went silent. I looked behind me and Frank was sitting down with his knees against his chest.
Like i said before. He's gonna realize that theres nothing here but a failure of a man. Maybe he's finally getting it. Maybe he's finally getting that he cant fix me.

"I know I know, Theres lots of things wrong with me" I laugh. or well kinda.
Frank looks up at me and tears roll down his beautiful pale face
"Im trying but its hard yknow? When the only person you love doesnt want to be here. Its hard" His voice cracks from the sobs that are about to come.
"I know right?" I sigh
"Im not helping im just making it worse arent i?" He cries
"No im glad youre here. I feel alive when youre here" I smile while a couple salty tears run down my cheeks.


___________

TIME LAPSE
___________

Currently Frank and I are laying in my bed while i stare at the ceiling thinking about how much happier Frank could be if i wasnt here to always bring him down.

"Stop it."
I jump from the suddenness
"What?" I ask

"Whatever youre worried about. Just stop." Frank says
I look over at him and his eyes are closed.

"How do you know im worried? you didnt even open your eyes." I sigh still looking at him

"You think i need to see you with my eyes to know whats going on with you" He answers

I grab his hand squeezing it and smiling, he can tell im smiling because he smiles right after.

I couldnt ask for anyone better

Notes

Oh god i uhm.
Comment?

Didnt go over this one for spelling so im sorry for any mistakes