you are another me

I woke up in the middle of the night realizing that i cant touch yesterday so why did i let yesterday touch me?
-speaking of which-
Wait, I touched a 16 year old.
I should be in jail, not here. Oh god i have to control myself.
I cant hurt him. I dont want to. I cant let that happen again.

"Gerard?"
I jerk my head towards the voice and flinch.
Shit. Frank's in my bed. He's in bed with me.
No he cant be here. He's not really helping my situation by being here.

"It looks like youve just seen a ghost, are you okay?"
No. I fucking violated you yesterday.
"Youre too young" I whisper touching his cheek
"What do you mean im too young?" He says oh, so innocent
"Im sorry i touched you" I retreive my hand from his face
Frank's eyes grow wide and he bites his lower lip
"I- dont be sorry.. I enjoyed it"

Fuck youre supposed to agree with me not ... ugh i did too Frank but im taking advantage of him and he doesnt even know it, I mean. Im obviously not because i care a whole lot about him but technically i am considering how much older i am.

"No you dont understand, Ive been taking advantage of you"
"What? No you arent, i like you remember?"
Well i figured.
"Just listen to me. I really dont want to hurt you"
"Youre not hurting me!!" He yells
I look at him and he looks down at my lips.
"Youre over exaggerating. Just kiss me?"
"I cant Frank, Youre to young to understand" Clearly he is right? I didnt want to say it but it doesn't seem like hes getting it. Or even listening to me.

Frank's face changes into an innocent little puppy to a pissed off bull.
"Im too young now? Oh youre too this youre too that. It always comes down to my age now doesn't it?"

I open my mouth to say something but i quickly shut it,
I pull my hair in frustration.

"Im right arent i? Im too young for you too like me?!"
Frank you idiot.

I shut my eyes and i take a deep breath.
Calm down Gerard count to ten,
1...2....3...4...5...6..no

"God dammit Frank, I love you okay? I wanna be there for you .. protect you. Hold you and never let go, make your pain go away and most importantly fix you. I knew i had to when i first laid eyes on you. I also knew that you were the most beautiful person i ever saw. Now im saying this because i dont want to hurt you. Ive seen it before, you think you know the person and the next thing you know your on the floor crying. Im not letting that happen to you hun" I sigh getting up off the bed

Frank's eyes water and im almost certain he's about to cry but then he goes stern again.
"But... but i love you" He says standing up also
"I do too hun" I look down
"Then i dont get it, I love you and you love me so why are we distancing each other?!"

"Frank im not letting myself hurt your poor little innocent soul I whisper
Frank giggles and moves closer.
"Heh youre cute" he says attempting to kiss me but fails as i move away.

Frank's face falls
"Gerard-"
Thats it. He doesnt get it. He's not fucking listening. I cant keep letting the conversation drag when he's just ignoring me. I cant let himself stop me from protecting him.
I have to do this or it'll be my fault when the time comes because i let him get closer to me than he already is.

"Leave" I say sternly
His mouth falls open in shock
"No"
"Go home" I say gesturing towards the door
"You cant just make me different and then leave!!" He stammers
"Thats why im letting you leave, my friend" I half smile
"I cant!!" He yells
I go over to him picking him up and placing him in front of my bedroom door.

He looks up at me angry and desperate.
I shut the door hearing him gasp
"Go home Frank"

"Im not leaving you, two days ago you were on the bathroom floor barely alive and i stayed. I couldn't leave. I wouldn't have the heart to leave you. I care about you. I always did, in fact i always will. Know what? Even if you do hurt me it wouldn't compare to how much you're hurting inside. It makes me sad to know that you're trying to fix me even though you're the one who needs fixing. I know you love and care for me. I could sense that feeling bouncing off you. Because like even though you're hurting you're still willing to fix another soul. We need people like you in this world. Thank you. Dont worry about hurting me Gerard. I love you" Frank whispers walking away from the closed door

What the fuck?! I thought he was going to do another screaming fit but no. He literally poured his heart out. He cares more than i thought. He knows shit. He's smart yet still curious.
He's like a little me, he's learning.

"Come back tomorrow" I yell from my room
"Im not leaving"
"Staying is a risk im not letting you take"
"Im not going anywhere Gerard" He says
"Okay if you never want to hear my voice ever again than as you wish" I answer. Ha. Blackmail should never be used but im serious about not talking and him never hearing my lovely voice. If he stays, itll be impossible for him to figure himself out so ill sink into silence until he leaves and does that. He has to think through his decision.

I hear Frank make a frustrated noise and the front door slam.

I laugh slightly and return to my bed.

Notes

Short chapter apologies/

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