you are another me

"Frank i-"
"Its okay"

Frank laughed and i was more confused than ever i mean, wouldnt you? I just lied to him and he's laughing?! I laugh along to ease the stress that was building up inside me.
But you know me, i cant just leave it.

"Y-Youre not mad?!" I trip on my words. Id be lying if i said i wasnt relieved.

"Not at all. Maybe a little confused on why you didnt want me knowing your name" Frank said smiling

I smiled from ear to ear. I dont know whatd i do if he got mad, though i was expecting it.

"I mean. Atleast you didnt lie about your age right?" He smiled looking at me

I froze. I literally froze. Shit, I didnt know what to do. I couldnt agree with him. Didnt have the guts, So instead i trailed my eyes to the ground with an emotionless face.

"No.." Frank whispered

I glanced up at Frank and he was staring angrily at me.

"You bitch, you probably lied to get into my pants am i right?!" Frank yelled
My eyes went wide and i tried to speak but he cut me off
"Fran-Gerar- Whatever the fuck your name is! Why?!" He screamed
I saw tears beginning to fall from his eyes. No. Fuck. Last thing i wanted was for him to cry in front of me.
"Im s-sorry frank" I choked out obviously trying to hide the fact i was about to cry too
"Fuck off!" He screamed again getting up and slamming the door
No. Noo. Oh my god. At this point i am so lost. so lost that the only options i have is to sulk, I know i cant run after him. If i tried i'd fail. Just like i failed Frank. Just like when i failed Michael.

I fucked up once again.

______

I flinched when i heard the front door slam against the hinges. I tried assimilating on what just happened. When realizing i let out a choked sob. No! Im not gonna cry. Not now i tell myself. Frank's my weakness. Im weak for him and he left. I cant think. I wish i can pull myself together but the only thing i can do is punch the walls until i can punch them no more. Or y'know drink.

I rummage through the old bottles of vodka desperately hoping id find at least a bottle or two. Im longing for feeling nothing at all and to my luck, i find a bunch of bottles underneath the empty ones. Thank you god. I rip one of the bottle cap's off and nearly chug the damn thing. Oh what a time to be alive.

Im 2 bottles in and i walk -more like trip over everything- to the kitchen. Then downstairs. Then outside. Its midday and theres me stumbling down the hill. "Its so niiiiicee out" I yell once i get to the bottom. I havent been tipsy in a while. and when i say a while i mean like 6 or 7 months. So considering how long its been. I get pretty drunk, pretty easily.

I dont know how long its been but i somehow ended up in the graveyard?! I space out lots when im like this so i dont really know whats going on. Its all flowers and leperchauns when suddenly i spot a gravestone with the name "Michael James Way". I drop to my knees in front of it. All the happiness i was just feeling was gone. I stared at the writing. "Mikey" I whispered touching the stone. It was almost as if i was having those unexplainable flashbacks. I remember when i left him in the forest how scared he was ... how careless i was. Why'd i leave him? Whyd i trust myself?! I thought i was protecting him when really i was just risking it even more. I would literally do everything to bring him back, Even if it meant taking my life. He deserves to be here more than i do.

"I was trying to protect you .. keep you safe" I say to the grave as if he could hear me.

"Dad didnt even have to tell me, it was just always my responsibility you know?" I was really starting to tear up now

"Like I-I i had one job, One job and i.. " I trailed off letting my tears flow freely down my face
"And i screwed it up" I said just above a whisper "I blew it"
-
-
I looked down at my bloody knuckles then back at the stone

"And for that im sorry" I sobbed pulling my knees up to my chest

"I guess thats what i do .. i-i let down people that i love" I shut my eyes expecting myself to just die
"I let dad down.. and now im just supposed to let you down too" I shake my head moving closer to the grave

"How am i .. supposed to live with that?!"

"What am i supposed to do Mikey? I thought i had it together.." I collect myself and finally stand up.

Its faiir to say that im quite sober now. I begin to walk out of the cemetery when at the corner of my eye i see .. are you kidding me? Frank is standing there shocked. Was he following me?! I decide not to bother and completely ignore him. Though i so badly needed him to hold me. to feel alive again. We all know thats not gonna happen.

I step inside my front porch and go upstairs. Before he walked into my life my dream was to sleep forever. Well when the sun and those stupid birds wake me up in the morning werent really helping my situation. Now im done. I cried. I showed Mikey how weak and how much of a failure i am. Frank's Gone, the one that was slowly putting my heart back together was gone. I knew this would happen. Back to sleeping pills and depressing paintings i go.

______________________________


Its 4am and im wasted as fuck.

"Frank come back you fucking idiot!" I yell over the blaring music. Its a good thing that music was playing. I take another bottle and i down it.

"This is fucking pathetic!" I scream Smashing whatever i could find on the ground. Im not sure what i was referring too but whatever's going on in my fucked up head caused such things like for example, Talking none sense to a knife, Laughing, trying to cut off my fingers. Im insane when im drunk. Thats why i never drank in so long cause last time i almost killed a guy after i fucked him. Okay probably to much information but hey, it happens.

I took a knife out of the door and held it to my wrist, I couldnt do it.
"Frank" I sobbed bringing it closer to the vain. Thunder shook the house and i jumped causing the knife to slash into my skin. Fuck. I looked at my open wound. The blood was dripping fast, The gross thing is that i actually felt my vain explode.

It was beautiful, Death is beautiful. I felt a little happier realizing what i was doing was beautiful.
I looked at my bloody wrist than at my clean one. It angered me to see them different. I took a hold of the razor-sharp knife with my weak gaping hand and held it up to my clean one and smiled than thought of Frank. He'd want me to do this any way. I hesitated. What if he didnt? What if id hurt him even more by doing this. No! He doesnt care.

Unanticipatedly i heard the door open -the front one- and then following up with his voice.
I looked down at my wrist quickly and i cant believe i didnt notice the knife jabbed in the vain gushing out blood by the second. I dropped the sharp object and ran to the closest room.
I ran -slipped on the puddle of blood- into the bathroom and shut and locked the door.

I settled -more like fell- into the bathtub watching it slightly fill with my blood. than moments later i heard talking.

"Gerard? You he- oh my god" I heard Frank gasp


Frank's POV

I stiffened when i saw the pool of blood followed by the knife on the ground. What the fuck happened, First i see him in the cemetery now this? Sure i was mad and needed some time but i was not expecting this. Oh god what if i hurt him. I did hurt him. I didnt think- no. He said.. He promised he'd stay alive.

"Gerard?! Where the fuck are you!" I screamed looking at the trail of blood on the floor

It followed up to a door, The door handle was dripping with blood. The tears come faster than expected. "Please dont be dead" I cry attempting to open the door

Its locked.

Of course, I lose control and start banging on the door yelling and screaming.

No use. I back up and run into the door trying to bust it but it doesnt budge.


Gerard's POV

I jerk awake from the sudden banging, My eyes suddenly go blurry again.
"Frank" I try yelling but it comes as a raspy whisper.

Im weak. Im dying, but im trying to hold on. Hurting Frank isnt beautiful, If i could slap myself in the face i would but you know. I can see darkness taking up my vision but i kick my feet against the tub to let Frank know that im .. well not dead not yet anyway.

Reluctantly it works but Frank cant get in. Im such an idiot. I stand up but fall face first on the cement floor. "Frank" I try saying again before my vision blacks out completely


Well isnt this just great

Notes

Ha. Shitty chapter. I myself couldnt keep my eyes open -so tired- but heres what my tired little mind came up with. Hope you like it.

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