Bright Lights That Cast A Shadow

I spent the remaining time that Ray and Bob were gone pacing back and forth behind the small counter space. Frank filled my thoughts and refused to leave. He was gorgeous, and his blood had smelled delicious. To be quite honest, it had been a while since I'd been around a wound that bled fresh clean blood. Often I had run into a drunk or a druggie with a gash in their forehead or arm, but the blood always smelled of alcohol and drugs, not clean like Frank's. And other than the job, I spent most of my time holed up in my apartment, limiting the amount of human contact I had. In other words, smelling good clean blood up that close was rare, and it had been very difficult to control my urges to leap out and sink my teeth into his throat.
"Hey Way! We're back!" Ray called out cheerily as he strolled into the shop, Bob trailing behind. "Hey man, you okay?" He asked noticing my uneasy pacing. I jerked to a stop and stared at them for a second before going limp and falling back into a chair.
"I think I'll be okay," I mumbled into my hands. I heard the counter lift up and in a second Ray was besides me.
"Hey, what happened?" His voice was filled with concern. Bob stood in front of the counter, not speaking, but I could tell that he was worried too.
"This guy came in," I began. I ignored Bob's suggestive eyebrow wiggle and continued on. "He was searching for his wallet to pay, and apparently he left his pocket knife open cause it cut his hand open. And it just smelled so good, and I had to try really hard not to bite him."
"But hey you didn't. You were able to control yourself." Ray gave me a sideways hug and a pat on the back. "When was the last time you erm...fed?" He said the last part in a slightly awkward tone. Even though both of them had accepted that I was a vampire, the topic of feeding was still slightly touchy.
"Yesterday." I sighed into my hands. Bob looked up confused.
"Then why did you have to control yourself so bad?" The topic of me being a vampire just usually wasn't brought up much at all, so they were rusty of more of the specific details.
"Cause it's still blood, and it still smells good." I replied. Eating only once per week was just my preference. If I really wanted too, I could easily drain multiple people a day and have room for desert. It was my own principles that kept me from doing it. I only fed every week or so, and never ever did I drain a body. No deaths. Ever.
Bob and Ray nodded silently at my simple explanation. Suddenly the bell above the door rang, announcing another customer.
"Well, I guess we better get back to work," Bob sighed turning to help the customer. Ray stayed behind for a couple of seconds more to give me a final pat on the back before slipping his name tag on and going into the stockroom.
~~~
I groaned as I slid the bolt on my door shut and staggered into the living room. I flopped down on the couch and threw my arm over my eyes. Bob and Ray had decided to get into a after hours tickle war that had resulted in a whole rack of CD's being knocked over, causing us all to have to stay an extra hour.
I let myself rest for about ten minutes before I heaved myself off of the couch and headed towards the bathroom. I studied my reflection in the mirror and thought over the pro's and con's of getting a shower. Finally the pro's won, and I stripped off my clothes before standing under the warm shower spray.
My mind once again wondered back to Frank. He really did seem like he was a nice guy. He was cute, had good music taste, and seemed to have an energetic bubbly personality. In another life we might have become friends, maybe even boyfriends if he was gay. Sadly though the way things were, it would be too dangerous for him. I scowled at the thought. Sometimes I really loathed myself. I had created this reclusive world for myself just so that I wouldn't get close to many people. It was for their own good. I was just too dangerous to be around.
I didn't realize until I looked down that I was viciously scrubbing my arm with a wash cloth, causing the skin to turn a bright red and sting. I sighed heavily and let the wash cloth fall out of my grip. I continue to stand under the stream of water, just letting it run down my back. It was soothing in a way.
I stood there until the water had long turned cold. Sometimes since it was hard to tell that the temperature, and many times I found myself standing suddenly in frigid water. Just another perk of being a vampire.
I toweled down and walked into my bedroom, changing into some Batman boxers. Suddenly I was hit with all the repulsive thoughts I had had about myself. It all came back to me all at once, like a tidal wave crashing down on me and pulling me under.
Back when I was human I had been diagnosed with depression. It had gotten pretty bad, and once I even tried to commit suicide. I guess the depression had followed me into the afterlife or whatever you wanted to call this. But it was two times as worse. For one, the medication I was on no longer affected me. And two I knew everything I thought was true. I was dangerous. I did hurt people. I should't be trusted. Everyone would be better off without me.These thoughts and more plagued my mind. And I knew they were true. Every single one of them.
I fell onto my bed and curled up into a ball. My body heaved with sobs, but no tears would come to my eyes. I just lay there, crying without tears until finally I fell into an exhausted sleep.
~~~
It had been over a week since I last saw Frank and my breakdown. The first couple of days I came into work paranoid over the idea of biting some innocent person, but as the days wore on the feeling passed and I returned to my normal vampire self.
I returned so much to normal that I was actually slightly happy when I saw a familiar figure duck into the store. He was dressed much the same as he had been last time, but he had ditched the backpack and had traded the Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt for a Morrisey one. I gasped.
"Woah dude, The Smiths!" I said in excitement. I had long forgotten my no new friends rule as soon as I saw him walk in. He gave me a huge grin.
"You listen to them too?" He more stated it than asked, amusement in his voice.
"Yeah their awesome!" I gushed. "I love Morrisey. He's like my idol." Gerard! Stop fangirling. I blushed, slightly embarassed by my outburst. Frank just kept on grinning though.
"Yeah, I know. He's awesome," He agreed with a nod of his head. I gave him a shy smile through the fringe of my hair. Don't get close my mind warned. It won't end well even if he does accept you for being a monster that could kill him at a seconds notice without meaning too. My happy mood deflated.
"So what can I help you with?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light. I failed miserably though and he looked at me in confusion at my sudden down mood. He kept on looking at me but didn't bring it up, something that I was thankful for.
"I ordered a new guitar amp from here a couple of weeks ago. I'm suppose to pick it up toward," He said awkwardly playing with his fingers. I felt bad for making the conversation awkward but it was for the best.
"Yeah okay I'll go check," I stood up awkwardly and hurried into the stock room. I quickly glanced around the new shipment boxes until I found the one marked in bold print IERO, FRANK. I grabbed it and brought it back out to the front counter.
"Here you go," I finally had gotten my voice to go back to normal, and it brought the mood up again.
"Oh hey thanks!" Frank said carefully opening the box to look at it. "That'll sound great with my guitar Pansy." I resisted the urge to ask him questions about his guitar and instead continued to ring him up.
"Thanks again," He called out waving. I gave him a small half hearted wave as I watched him turn his back and once more walk out of the store.
I actually felt slightly relieved after he had left. The tension that was building in my stomach finally was released and I breathed a sigh of relief. Another part of me though was sad just letting him walk out the door. It was bittersweet, and unfortunately I feared that it would only grow more bitter on my part.

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