You're Beautiful To Me

After my session with Lindsey is over I head to the cafeteria and sit at a table by myself in the back corner, picking at my food but not really eating anything when I feel a familiar flutter in my stomach and I drop my hand down to rest on the top of my bump where the feeling is coming from and I feel the baby kicking. I smile to myself as I focus on that feeling and I'm reminded of why I have to get better and get out of here. The fluttering kick helps me to force myself to eat almost everything on my plate that night and when I head back to my room I lay in bed with one hand on my bump while the other holds my picture of Frank and Anna and I cry happy tears. A knock on the door startles me and when I look over Lindsey is standing in the doorway with a concerned look on her face. "Are you alright Gerard?" She asks and I nod, slowly sitting up as I say "The baby kicked for the first time." Her face breaks out into a smile and she slowly crosses the room to stand infront of me. "Wow, that's exciting." "Yeah" I say before my face drops and I add "I wish Frank was here to share the moment though." Lindsey's expression changes and she sits beside me on the bed and says "Gerard I know this is hard in your condition and I know we have certain rules here but I think maybe we could make an exception in this case." I look over at her, wondering what she means when she stands and says "Leave it with me" and she shoots me one last smile before leaving the room.

The next morning I wake up and go into my small private bathroom to take a shower and when I come back out Frank is sitting on my bed and Anna is crawling across the floor to me. "Oh my god" I gasp out as I drop to my knees and scoop her up into my arms, smothering her in kisses and she squirms around and whines, her little hands coming up to push against my cheek and I laugh softly as I kiss her nose once more before putting her back down and she crawls off, exploring my room. Frank stands from the bed and comes over to help me up, crushing me to his chest as he seals his lips to mine and we share a soft lingering kiss. "Frankie I can't believe you're here" I pant out when we pull apart and he smiles and says "Doctor Ballato knows how hard this is for us so she's allowing a visit every three days instead of once a week like normal patients. I smile wide as I lean in to kiss him again and I feel a fluttering in my stomach again. "Oh Frankie" I rush out as I grab his hand, guiding it to my bump before it stops again. "Wow, when did he..." "Last night, I had a really hard therapy session and then I didn't want to eat dinner but he kicked some sense into me and I think he's happy you're here cause he hasn't kicked yet today." Frank smiles wide as he kneels infront of me and starts talking softly to the baby. "You've gotten so big" he exclaims as he stands back up and I groan as I say "Yeah I know." "Oh no baby it's not a bad thing at all, you look incredible." I smile weakly and go to open my mouth when I'm cut off by a little squeal and when we look over Anna is pulling herself up to stand using the side of my bed to hold onto. "Oh my god" I gasp out and Frank smiles and says "Yeah that's her new favourite party trick. She's been pulling herself up on everything the last few days, she hasn't walked yet but she...." He trails off as we watch a look of fierce concentration cross her face and she takes one shaky step before letting go of the bed and taking two more towards us before she wobbles and flops back down on her butt, giggling and clapping her hands. "Wow" I gasp out as I start to clap too and Frank and I applaud her for taking her first steps. I walk over and pick her up, cuddling her to my chest as I say "Wow baby, you're so amazing" and she buries her face in my neck, letting out a little excited noise. Later that afternoon after Frank and Anna leave I go to my session and Lindsey tells me I should talk to Frank about what happened. "I can't" I tell her and she frowns as she says "Why?" "I can't....he wouldn't.....I don't want him to leave." "Do you honestly think he would leave?" She asks and I drop my gaze to the floor. "I'm scared of what he would think of me, I'm scared that it will change things and I couldn't bare the thought of that." Lindsey nods and says "I can't force you or tell you what to do but I really think that you need to find it in yourself to be able to talk to Frank about this. From my discussions with him he is very worried about you and I think if you opened up to him he might be able to help you feel more comfortable." I nod, not saying anything else and she changes the subject, asking how I'm feeling and how my eating has been going but I only give vague answers, my mind preoccupied with the idea of opening up to Frank and what that could possibly mean for us.

Notes