You're Beautiful To Me

SIX YEARS LATER (Anna age 8, Miles age 7)

"Miles, come on buddy it's time to get up for school." "Dad" Miles sighs out, rolling his eyes slightly, his mouth pulled down into a small frown as I say "I'm sorry Allie I forgot" my own face pulled down into an apologetic frown. A week ago Miles had come home from school in tears, his long hair tangled and messed up and he had sobbingly confessed that the other boys at school were making fun of him and hitting him for having long hair and liking dolls rather than trucks. Frank and I had taken him into our arms, holding him tight as he cried until his sobs turned into hiccups and shuddery breaths and we had told him that there was nothing wrong with liking those things and that he can like and be whatever he wants. A few long seconds of silence had passed, Miles' forehead creased in confusion before he said "I don't want to be Miles, I don't like that name." "Ok baby what do you want to be then?" I had asked as I pulled him to sit in my lap and he leaned against my chest as he softly said "Alice." "Alice?" Frank asked softly, reaching out to rest a hand on his knee as Miles sniffled and nodded, burying his face in my neck like he's afraid and I gently rubbed his back as I said "If you want to be Alice that's ok." A few more seconds of silence passed before his little arms wrapped around my neck and I tightened my arms around his waist, holding him tight while I glanced over at Frank, his eyes full of pain for our son. Once Miles had calmed down he hopped off my lap, leaving the room and I turned to Frank, reaching out and taking his hand as I said "What do we do?" "It's just a phase right?" Frank said, his expression still upset and I sighed softly as I said "What if it's not?" and in that moment so many things Miles has said and done in the past finally make sense, like all the times he played dress ups in Anna's clothes and the fact that he won't let us cut his hair, liking it to be long. Frank remained silent and I looked into his eyes as I said "Frank," breaking him from his thoughts and he shook his head as he said "You know I love our kids unconditionally but I don't know how to deal with this." I nodded, squeezing his hands as I said "How about we give it a few days and if nothing changes we'll get help?" Frank nodded, sliding across the couch to pull me into his arms and I slumped into his side, letting my eyes slip closed as a million thoughts swirled through my mind.

A week has passed and Miles still insists on being called Alice, allowing us to also call him Allie and he seems a little happier, at least at home. Frank and I called the school to tell them what's going on and while his teacher was understanding there's only so much she can do when he's outside at play time with everyone else. Once Miles is out of bed I leave him to get dressed and I go into the kitchen to start breakfast when he comes in, dressed in jeans and one of Anna's old shirts, his long hair tangled and messy and he crosses the room and holds out his hair brush. "You want some help?" I ask softly and he nods as he turns around so his back is to me and says "Yes please daddy." I kneel down behind him, taking the brush and gently starting to brush his hair, being careful not to pull it and by the time it's done Anna comes into the room, taking a seat at the table. "Good morning Anna" I greet her as I stand back up, offering Miles the brush back and he takes it, offering me a smile as he leaves the room again, coming back a few seconds later with his hands empty, taking his own seat beside his sister. I turn back to make breakfast as the kids start to talk amongst themselves and halfway through I hear Miles say "You smell pretty," commenting on the girly deodorant Anna picked out last time we went shopping, insisting that she needed it. I turn my head to see Anna giggling softly at his comment and Miles turns his attention to me and says "I want to smell pretty too." "Ok baby, we can go after school and get something ok?" Miles nods, a small frown on his face until Anna says "You can use some of mine today" making his face light up and I smile wide at both of them, so happy that Anna is just as loving and accepting as Frank and I.

Notes

So the story is taking a bit of a turn and I wanted to try something I've never done before instead of the same old thing over and over. The issues I am going to be writing about are things I have no personal experience with but I am trying my best to do as much research as I can so that hopefully I won't write the wrong things and offend or upset anyone who chooses to read it. I know how serious an issue this is and my heart goes out to anyone going through this.

I know that even though Miles is identifying more as a girl Gerard is still thinking of him as a boy but this will change as this side of the story progresses, I just feel its more realistic for it to be a slow adjustment rather than an overnight thing.

If anyone is still reading this story please comment and tell me your thoughts on all this because I am still really unsure at the moment and I need to know you guys are happy to read it before I continue with any more of what I have planned.