25 Reasons Why I Hate You

“No, mom, I'm not going out tonight,” Gerard sighs. His mom looks at him suspiciously.

“But it’s Valentine’s Day! What are you going to do then?” She raises an eyebrow.

“I’m going to sit around, eat chocolate popcorn, watch Romeo + Juliet on TV for the seventieth time, cry over how hot young Leonardo DiCaprio is and rot,” Gerard says casually and finds himself realizing what he just said. “…cry simply because I totally just want to be Leonardo DiCaprio. Not bang him or anything. God forbid. I’m a hundred percent not into that.”

She shakes her head knowingly. Great persuasion skills, Gerard.
“I think I always knew you played for that team,” she sighs like she’s dealing with something major. “And the way you look at that Linda’s boy…”

“Please. Please don’t mention him now. It’s literally the wrongest day you can mention him to me. Just let it go and leave me alone in my misery, yeah?” Gerard goes over to the kitchen to pour himself some coffee while his mother is still calculating shit inside her head.

“’Wrongest’ isn’t a word, you know?” she smirked, and he rolled his eyes. It was your vagina I came out of – your fault I’m stupid. “You opened my eyes that time we had that fight, Gerard.” Now she’s being completely serious and making Gerard remember his outburst and that is making Gerard uneasy. “We should probably spend some bonding time together. We haven’t had a normal relationship since grandma died. And that was three years ago.”

She is right, but Gerard is still a bit reluctant about the whole thing. Because, that will include loads of family movie nights, family dinners, family fieldtrips. Gerard is okay with all those stuff, but there’s one word bothering him – ‘family’ – and the sad part is that it’s the only repetitive one there. But he kind of brought this upon himself with that snapping session he had when they were fighting. It wasn’t intentional, but it’s handing him over a lot of shit now anyway.

“Okay.” And he definitely isn’t comfortable with her mentioning grandma. “Okay.”

“Now I’m going to go to the store and when I get back we’re going to make some chocolate popcorn, get drunk on Pepsi and drool over Leonardo together,” she smiles encouragingly. “Okay?”

That draws a smile on his face. “If you make that Coca-Cola rather than Pepsi, I’m one hundred percent in.”'

“Good,” she grins.

*

“Why aren’t guys like him illegal?” Gerard sighs while showing popcorn down his throat and dreamily stares into the screen that’s currently listing the movie credits, “I think I would let him do all sorts of stuff to me, jeez.”

“Is it weird that I’m completely comfortable with you saying that in front of me? Does that make me a bad mother?” she says thoughtfully.

“Probably, yeah,” Gerard tilts his head sideways and almost gets hit by the pillow she launched at him. “But I like you more because of that.”

She smirks gratefully. “Thank you. Does that mean you’re going to talk to me about the Iero boy?”

“Oh god,” he pinches the bridge of his nose as his headache immediately escalates. Darn that Frank and the way he makes Gerard feel. It’s passed ‘liking’, ‘loving’ and such. Now it’s on the verve of ‘you’re driving me insane and not in a good way’. “I can, but I’ll need some Aspirin first.”

She raises an eyebrow, obviously thinking about something, before she gets up and walks into the kitchen. She comes back with a bottle of something that obviously has a fuckload of alcohol in it. "I'm going to Hell for this. But here, take it."

“You’re giving me vodka?” He looks at her, puzzled. His opinion of her has drastically changed in the past few days, but wow. Now he isn’t even sure this is his mother. Maybe this is some voodoo shit you see in Supernatural or something. Maybe some really cool demon named Roxy or something rebel-ish like that got inside her and now is trying to kill her children with alcohol poisoning. Fine by Gerard, anyway.

“I think so, yeah,” she sighs.

“Thank you,” he smiles and takes a swig. It burns his chocolate-coated throat, but it feels better to his head than any pill could. “Now I’m better. What do you want to know?”

“Do you like him?” She grabs the bottle from him and has a sip of her own. If someone told him he would be getting drunk with his mother while having girl talk about Frank Iero on Valentine’s Day a week ago he would probably tell them they need Jesus or something.

“’Like’ is an understatement. I think I’ve even passed the point of being in love with him,” he admits, vocalizing the thought he’s had a little while ago. “It’s more like ‘I think his existence is making me slightly-intoxicatedly-batshit-crazy’.”

“I don’t think ‘intoxicatedly’ is a word either, but I’m going to let it slide,” she rolls her eyes and hands him the bottle, “but that is really cute.”

“Cute? Cute? I don’t mean crazy as in ‘butterflies in the stomach, head in the clouds’ kind of crap. I mean literally out-of-my-mind-crazy-as-fuck-idiotically-sad-all-the-time crazy.” He takes a long swig from the bottle, earning a warning glance from her. He rolls his eyes and gives her the bottle back.

“Seriously?” She keeps a thoughtful face. “Why, though? You can just tell him."

“You see, there’s a huge story behind it. Remember when I was in seventh grade and me and Frank constantly hung out?” She nodded. “Yeah, I’d always had a thing for him, we were always kind of touchy-feely and I liked that, I just couldn’t make myself believe that I actually liked guys, you know? And like, when I finally made myself accept it, I decided that I’d tell him. So we were in his room, playing video games, and I told him. And he told me he liked me too and we kissed. Several times.”

“That’s really sweet,” she swallows, “but where is the problem then?”

“Well… that night, when I came home… it was the night, mom. When you told me grandma’s cancer got worse and that we had to move to Seattle to help out. And I couldn’t tell him, everything happened so fast and, in a way, I’d left him. And he still hasn’t forgiven me for that,” now Gerard is kind of crying, “and I know he has all the right in this world never to forgive me, what I did was horrendous, but it hurts so bad, you know? And I don’t know. I just want things to be the same as they were four years ago. I want to come home that night and for you to tell me dinner is on the table and for me to go to bed while listening to the song that was playing when I first kissed him and see him again the next day and simply be happy, you know?”

“Oh, baby,” she hugs him and let him cry into her chest. When he calms down a bit, she hands him the bottle and waits for him to finish drinking. “Whoa, slow down there, tiger,” she chucks it from him. “What happened in the meantime? Since we came back?”

“Nothing special,” he rubs his eyes, “I’ve tried speaking to him a billion times. The first day of school he saved me from dying by hanging twenty feet up a rope, but that was just because Lindsey made him do it. Lindsey is something like my best friend now, by the way,” he smiles and she copies it. “The thing is that she’s his best friend, too, and that’s somehow kind of fucked up, you know? But like, when I was at Ray’s party I talked to him for a bit and I kissed him and he kissed back but he pulled away soon and he was drunk so he told me that he hates me and I came home a mess.”

“Aw, sweetie,” she rubs his back lightly. “Is there more?”

“Surprisingly enough, yeah. I somehow started hanging out with Lindsey because she was sulking at Frank for doing God knows what and about two or three weeks ago this new guy came along. He’s really sweet, and he’s really cute and-”

“Wait, what about Frank?” Donna looks a bit puzzled.

“No, no, no. I couldn’t forget about that jerk even if I tried,” he slightly smiles at that. “No, the guy – Ville – he and Lindsey have been hanging out severely since he came along. Don’t mind the name, he’s Finnish. Yeah. I know, but like literally Finnish. His last name is Valo. Anyway, his first day at our school Lindsey started liking him so we went out for a little stalking trip after class,” he bites his lip and his mother bursts out laughing. “What?”

“Your idea, I suppose.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head in amused disapproval.

“Shut up,” he sighs. “Anyway, he spotted us. But that isn’t the most interesting part. Do you know who saved our ass?”

“Who?”

“Frank. He was stalking us stalking Ville,” he grinned.

“What?” she cracked up. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” he chuckled.

“How did he bail you two out?"

“He said Lindsey has the hots for him and tried to persuade him that we are certainly not lunatics and that we just think he’s ‘kind of cool’. Even though we kind of are lunatics. But anyway, it all ended well, he got pissed at me once because I made a snarky remark to his inability to say 'Ville’ instead of ‘Willie’ which annoyed us just as much as it annoyed the guy,” Gerard makes a knowing face, “but anyway, shit got real when Ville asked if we were together.”

“You and Frank?” His mother starts laughing again.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “he got all super-defensive.”

“That probably means he likes you,” she smiles.

“You think?” He tilts his head on the side.

“Yep,” she takes a swig at the bottle and hands it to him. “What shall we do now?”

“Let’s drain this bitch and watch Supernatural,” he drinks a little.

“Amazing idea,” she smiles, “I feel proud of the fact that you’re my son. You know the values in life; hot guys, good TV and vodka.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” he smiles victoriously.

*

“You’re kidding,” Lindsey barks into the phone, ”dude, your mom is my idol. Officially.”

“Mine too, now,” he smiles to himself. “Anyway, want to come over?”

“Sure, be there in five, I have a lot to tell you about,” she immediately hangs up.

He sighs and puts a David Bowie CD inside the player. Just as the second song off the album starts playing, he hears the front door slam shut and Lindsey’s voice yell, “Gee?”

“Down here,” he yells back.

“Where?”

“Just follow the Bowie goddamn it,” he sighs.

“Oh, why are you in the basement?” She asks when she finds him.

“Because I live here,” he says in a ‘duh’ kind of voice, “it’s where I sleep.”

“Seriously?” She chirps, “That’s so awesome.”

She sits beside him on the bed and sighs excitedly. He looks at her questioningly and she remains silent.

“You can tell me all of it. Even the details, I’m going to survive.” He rolls his eyes.

“Gah,” she screeches, “okay. So, he asked me out. You know who. Anyway, we went out. He took me to some little Italian restaurant and we ate and then we went to the park and we joked around and talked for so long and we watched the stars and shit and then, get this, he asked for my permission to kiss me.”

“That’s actually really amazing,” Gerard smiles, “he’s, like, a true gentleman.”

“Exactly! I mean, of course I said yes and then he kissed me and it was really sweet and nice but then I got bored and I was like ‘oh dude cut the crap I’m not made out of glass’, and he’s like ‘what?’ and I’m like ‘just shove your motherfucking tongue down my throat’ and he’s like ‘as you wish, madam’ and it was so lame but so awesome at the same time and boy is he a great kisser.” She sighs dreamily and he smiles again, because that’s kind of disgusting but since it’s Lindsey, it’s fucking sweet as hell.

“I’m really glad you had a good time,” he says sincerely.

“I know you are,” she shoves him down on the bed and gets comfortable with her head on his chest. “I have something else to tell you. Something that involves you a bit more.”

“What?”

“I was out for coffee with Frank this morning,” she sighs and shifts a bit so she can look at him in the eyes. “He was on a date last night, too.”

“He- he was?” Gerard stutters a bit. He’s still kept that inch of hope Frank likes him up until now, but he obviously doesn’t if he was out on a date. Well, that’s a bummer. A huge, colossal bummer.

“Hey, don’t start crying babe, I have more info. Jamia asked him out. I’m not sure if you know this, but Jamia and Frank had been dating in freshman year. He wasn’t sure if he was gay and she was cute, so he gave it a shot. Never did he look at a girl since they broke up around Easter that year. I think he simply realized he isn’t for girls, you know? But she’s still madly in love with him, I can tell. I mean, she never made it completely clear, but she was honest enough to tell me she still has feelings for him. He doesn’t feel anything for her, though. I’m not sure why he even agreed to go out with her…” Lindsey sighs, “Anyway, he told me she was pretty eager to have sex with him. He said no, she didn’t take it for an answer. So he pushed her off and she walked off embarrassed and pissed as hell. I’m not sure why he did that, he always said he misses a good lay, and it’s not like Jamia disgusts him or something. I feel like there’s something deeper there than just being considerate towards her feelings, you know?”

“I get it,” Gerard gulps. On the bright side, he rejected her. At least it’s not Jamia who he’s going to lose Frank to. Not like he has him, anyway, though.

“Basically, he’s not into anyone right now. Apart from you, I mean,” she looks at him significantly.

“Linds,” he chuckles dryly, “Frank would rather bury me than fuck me.”

“Ya think? I think he’s one of those people who would bury you, then dig you out and cry and apologize.”

Gerard sighs. He really hopes her words are true, but it’s not like he can ask Frank. “This is all so confusing.”

“I know babe,” she tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear. “It’s going to be okay. Seriously.”

*

“Thank you,” Gerard smirks in satisfaction as Ray piles three bills on his palm.

“I hate you,” Ray barks.

“No, you don’t. But I told you, and you didn’t listen. Jimmy was crazy about her; it was only a matter of time.” Gerard tucks the bills inside the back pocket of his jeans.

“But I never thought she would actually go out with him! I mean look at him. He’s high 24/7,” he grumbles, looking at Jimmy and Chantal passing by, her hand in his pocket while they're giggling at something. “Whatever, you cost me twenty bucks, I don’t even care.”

“Oh, Raymond,” Gerard puts a hand on his shoulder, “it’s not my fault you’re not lucky.”

“I swear to fuck, Way, if you don’t start running right now-”

“Why does he have to run?” Brian cut him off.

“No reason,” Ray sighs.

“Hey, man, is it true about you and Bert?”

“Me and Bert?” Gerard furrows his brow.

“You know, Saturday,” Brian smirks deviously.

“I don’t know, what happened on Saturday?” Gerard is now even more puzzled. At that moment, a group of girls pass by, look at him funnily and burst into giggles, sending him into an even bigger confusion.

“Dude, you and Bert, you know,” Brian wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Me and Bert what?” Gerard screeches.

“Gee,” Lindsey appears behind him. The bell rings and sends Ray and Brian running off to class, Gerard not worried he’s late now that he has no idea what the frickin’ fuck is going on.

“What?”

“Were you really home on Saturday?” She looks at him suspiciously.

“Of course I was, Linds! Why the fuck would I lie to you?!” He snaps visibly, his nerves becoming a wreck and he thinks his head is going to burst if someone doesn’t tell him what’s happening like immediately.

“Oh shit,” she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Oh shit. Gee,” she looks at him. “We have a huge problem.”

Notes

I love Lindsey in this fic so fucking much.

Anyway, not much to tell, what's up? I'm bored as heck. It's like, a huge holiday in my town and I'm not even watching the shit on TV. Sigh.

Have I told you you're gonna hate the next chapter? Oh, man, you're gonna hate it so much. I mean, you'll love it because it's gonna be awesome but you'll hate us for doing stuff. He he. I'm such a bad person, spoiling it to you.

About the description, I want to make that shit a tradition. Anyway, the song reminded me of the chapter; the way Gerard describes his feelings for Frank. It's Love You Like I Do by HIM, if ya wanted to know.

Anyway, cheers,

- Milo

*Avril Lavigne voice*: Yo, wanna crash Milo's chapter?

Firstly, okay, don't hate me for what happens... soon. It wasn't my idea and I wasn't the one who made Milo put it in the story in the first place. Except I totally was.

That was all I wanted to say. Also, reasons!Lindsey is my fave and Milo stinks.

-Rogue