25 Reasons Why I Hate You
Because you think you can do anything you want.
Oh shit.
The moment Frank's lips freeze, Gerard realizes how much shit he's just gotten himself into. This is all Lindsey's fault, he can swear to fuck. She's the one who told him Frank likes him. Oh shit, why the fuck did he think this is a good idea? Because he's an idiot, that's why. He realizes that when Frank pushes him off him so he lands down, assfirst onto the floor. Thanks Jesus his cup was empty. This is literally the only situation ever he wishes his cup is empty.
When he manages to get up, he notices Frank is fuming and he really wants his cup full again. "You- fucking- how dare you?!" he screams. Probably the neighbors hear it, too. Gerard really hopes they don't.
"I'm sorry, I'm drunk and-"
"I don't fucking care, okay?! You might as well be dying from breast cancer. Your mouth comes nowhere near mine, understand?!" Frank is seriously at the verve of exploding and Gerard feels that and now is legitimately scared of him. Who the fuck knows? The guy is small, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still knock him down. Maybe he even owns a butcher knife, you never know, his grandpa’s an ex-Marine. The other one is a pure-blood Italian drummer. Heh, small world.
"I don't like you!" he keeps screaming. “I hate your fucking guts, you fucking idiot, and I'll hate you forever. Get it? Forever!"
"I'm so-"
"Don't you dare apologize." His tone now sounds calmer, but he obviously isn't quite finished. "You know, Steve Urkel would never do this to me. He wouldn't."
"What?" Gerard can't help but to chuckle. Bad idea, as he practically sees steam pissing out of Frank's ears. He's so screwed.
"Don't laugh at me, this is all your fault. I hate you." Frank is now literally three inches away from him and his eyes are so wide Gerard is a bit worried they'll fall out of their sockets, like little, white, a bit pot-reddened tennis balls. He's pretty sure Frank would look hot even without his eyes, though.
"Frank, please-" he tries again, even though he knows it’s no avail even before Frank cuts him off. Again.
"No," he's now speaking normally, his tone horrifyingly calm and quiet, highly contrasting his lash-out party from two seconds ago and freaking the fuck out of Gerard. "Gerard, please leave. Never come back. I don't care where you go. I was fine. I was so fine without you. I was great. But now you showed up and screwed everything up again. I hate you. I never want to see you again. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you," he says.
Now, when he's staring directly into Gerard's eyes, Gerard realizes that Frank is completely serious. He hates him. He hates his guts. It's his fault and Frank hates him. Gerard's heart starts physically hurting as it all floods his brain, the realization thick as a rock. He had no idea Frank hated him this much. Now he does. And it's not pleasant.
"Oh," he whimpers. He didn't even realize he's crying. He's fucking crying. Frank’s probably realized it by now, but he says nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Gerard becomes a mess. A literal mess as he drops his cup to the floor. He uses both of his hands to wipe the tears off his face. He can't look at Frank, not now. He knows he'll see so much hate which will probably drive even more tears from him. And he doesn't even want to cry. He just wants Frank. And Frank hates him. He turns around and searches for an exit; thanking fucking god Ray's house doesn't have a fence. That would make his work so much harder. He literally storms off, not even caring about Bert's voice calling him from somewhere behind him. He trips a few times on his way home but he manages to survive without any serious injuries. He knows his mom is working tonight. He also knows Mikey's home. That's convenient, because Mikey's the only person who's ever seen him like this.
Lame, yeah. His 14 year old brother is his best friend.
He opens the ugly green front door with great difficulties but he manages, probably just because he's not drunk enough to forget which side you open the door to. He bolts inside, hearing the sound of Mikey's swears which were, obviously enough, pointed at the playstation as Gerard's running down the stairs to his room.
Did he mention his room's in the basement? Yeah, he's cool like that, so he bribed Mikey to whine to their mom he wanted the upstairs room to himself. Mom, of fucking course, went with it, because Mikey's the queen of whining, so Gerard got the basement hut. He loves it. He uses it for everything - as an art studio, an art gallery, a study, a bedroom, a living room, even a kitchen - he made his mom keep the microwave and the small fridge which was put there by the previous owners of the house - he sometimes needs his coffee at inconvenient times. But at the moment, he just needs the CD player and the bed, because he's so emo he thinks he might explode in thick blobs of eyeliner and black hair dye. He can't do anything else but play a Joy Division CD and cry into his pillow hoping Mikey won't hear him.
Of course he's fucking wrong. Mikey storms into his room minutes later and turns down the music. Then he sits beside him on the bed and calls his name a few times.
"What?" Gerard snaps.
"Don't lash out on me, I'm just checking if you're fine," Mikey says patiently.
"Do I look fine?" Gerard groans into the pillow.
"Not in the slightest," Mikey sighs and prepares himself for an interrogation. "What happened?"
"Do you remember Frank Iero?"
"The little guy from your class who was pulling a really bad George Harrison hairstyle in middle school?" Mikey says in a careful tone and Gerard whimpers. Bingo. "What about him?"
"I still like him," Gerard admits, holding back the tears which are still, annoyingly enough, pouring out of his eyes like they're throwing up all the alcohol he had tonight.
"You've never cried about a crush before, Gee, I know there's more," Mikey says.
"I know," Gerard wails, "I kissed him. I- I'm drunk, I was drunk, I have no idea. And he kissed back at first, but then he-" Gerard starts sobbing violently again.
"What did he do, Gerard?" Mikey says before he curls up beside him.
"He pushed me away and he told me he hates me and he told me to leave because he's been fine and I fucked him up when I came back..." Gerard trails off, still sobbing like an idiot which he obviously is.
"Oh, Gee," Mikey hugs him. "It's fine. He's just a jerk."
"He's not a jerk, Mikes." Gerard curls up on his side and faces Mikey. "I left him. In middle school. Two days before we left Belleville, I kissed him. And he didn't push me away then. He had feelings for me then." Gerard then decides that dignity doesn't do him any fucks so he just shoves his head into the crook of Mikey's thin neck and keeps on sobbing while Mikey's arms hold him tight. "And then I left him. Without a warning. And now he hates me."
"Maybe he just needs time," Mikey says the same thing Lindsey did on Monday. Gerard doesn't believe it one bit. How should he? It's obvious he's lost all his chances with Frank. And that's making him feel like complete shit.
"Gee," Mikey says a while later when Gerard stops with his weeps which have now transferred into small hiccups. "Go take a shower."
"I don't wanna," Gerard mumbles, half asleep.
"You smell like vodka," Mikey notices, "just go take a shower and I'll clean your bed up for you so you can go to bed immediately."
"Oh god, okay," Gerard is drunk and tired, but he's not stupid – he’s not going to decline someone's kind offer to take all the shit from his bed. He has no idea how long he's spent sleeping on sheets literally made from comics and clothes. He wanted to clean it up – he always tells himself he will, but he never does because he's lazy as fuck. Thank god he has Mikey.
That kid can be so annoying sometimes but he's his little brother, so he guesses it has to be that way. You know, like, Big Brother doesn't let Little Brother watch his show because Breakfast at Tiffany's is on TV, and then Little Brother pees all over Big Brother's video games. It's like the circle of life.
Gerard manages to drag himself over to the bathroom. Just as he's about to strip his smelly shirt off, all the shit he's consumed during the day returns to his throat and he shoots a projectile of barf right into the sink. Shit. Well, it's not shit – it’s vomit, but at least he aims like a fucking pro. He manages to throw his womb up before he rinses his mouth and cleans off the sink, then practically stumbles under the shower. God knows how he succeeds not to get shampoo into his eyes but he doesn't question it and he's in his pajamas, brushing his teeth ten minutes later. His hair is still damp but he doesn't really give a fuck, if he gets pneumonia it'll be a fulfillment of all the prayers he currently owns.
When he gets to his room Mikey's not there, but the bed is all made up and he smirks to himself before he turns off the lamp and wraps himself in a duvet-Gerard burrito. He thinks about recycling before he goes to bed, strangely enough. He wonders if people can be recycled. He'd like to have his life recycled, really. Just so he could do the shit differently. He wants Frank back, like in seventh grade. It was nothing much, really, they just kissed. A few times. But the point is, Frank was his anyway. And he can be that again, right? Yes, Gerard concludes, he can and he will. He’s going to make sure of it.
*
Okay, so the headache isn't that bad.
Okay, who is he fucking kidding the headache is the worst thing ever. He groans in pain as he gets out of the bed, cursing everything dead and alive that he isn't capable of levitating. As on queue, Mikey opens the door to his room just as he's brushing his teeth in the bathroom and internally debating whether he should simply drink his hangover away or not, and yells like a fucking motherfucker, "Gee, mom called you to breakfast!"
He spits the water out of his mouth and yells back, "I'll be there, stop yelling, you're raping my brain!"
He hears Mikey throw him a 'whatever' and manages to get the toothpaste shit from his chin before practically crawling upstairs.
He hears muffled talking before he reaches the kitchen, to find his mom and Mikey having a discussion over whatever secrets of the universe they decided to uncover today. He doesn't really care, he just walks by them and gets his coffee, savoring the first sip as if it were Jesus.
"Manic headache, I see?" His mom asks, and he opens his eyes for a second.
"Yeah."
"Hangover," Mikey corrects, eating something that makes Gerard rethink if he's actually thrown everything up last night because his nausea returns.
His mom shoots him a half-curious, half-pissed glare. She doesn’t look pleased with the new information, it seems. “Did you get drunk again, Gerard?”
“No…” he doesn’t really see the point in lying but he’s going to lie anyway, simply because it’s a habit. Gerard is a really awful human being, as you can tell.
"Oh, God,” she sighs while shaking her head. He knows she knows it’s a plain lie. “Where were you last night, even?" She asks with a suspicious look, leaning onto the counter.
"Ray Toro's house," he responds indifferently. His relationship with his mom isn’t exactly the warmest, if you haven’t caught that already. But yeah, most of the time it’s okay because they don’t talk much, just go on like they have nothing to do with each other. They concluded a long time ago that she doesn’t understand him and he doesn’t understand her – so they just decided to live with it and not mention it ever again.
"Oh, you've reunited with some old friends, then, I see," she smirks, the little bitterness from before leaving her attitude immediately. Huh. Weird.
"That reminds me..."
"Of?" He says, not even bothering to fake any interest.
"You didn't make any plans for next Saturday evening, right?" She looks at him significantly and he knows he's screwed. Probably some family dinner, or something. Anyway, he doesn't like the feeling he gets from thinking about it.
"No," he says reluctantly.
"Great, we're having dinner at Linda and Frank's house." Bingo. Awesome, Gerard, you get to have some bond time with two presumably middle aged people you have no idea who they are. Must be whole lotta fun.
"Who are Linda and Frank?" Gerard cocks an eyebrow. It does sound familiar, but it's not like he's the best neighbor ever. Well, assuming good neighbors actually know their fellow neighbors' names.
"Oh, Gerard, you little idiot." Gerard sighs to that. Thanks, mom, he thinks. "You used to hang out with their son all the time. Wait, what was his name...?" He's still looking at her questioningly, waiting.
"Ah, yes," she smiles and Gerard can swear to fuck she looks like one of those cartoon cows when they get an idea and a light bulb appears above their head. Not like he’s calling his mom a cow or anything.
"Frank, his name is Frank, too, after his dad or something. The Iero boy, anyway."
Gerard almost chokes on his coffee. Oh no, not in fucking cocksucking Hell no, he thinks as he hopes Earth will be able to chew him up, swallow him and digest him before Saturday evening.
The moment Frank's lips freeze, Gerard realizes how much shit he's just gotten himself into. This is all Lindsey's fault, he can swear to fuck. She's the one who told him Frank likes him. Oh shit, why the fuck did he think this is a good idea? Because he's an idiot, that's why. He realizes that when Frank pushes him off him so he lands down, assfirst onto the floor. Thanks Jesus his cup was empty. This is literally the only situation ever he wishes his cup is empty.
When he manages to get up, he notices Frank is fuming and he really wants his cup full again. "You- fucking- how dare you?!" he screams. Probably the neighbors hear it, too. Gerard really hopes they don't.
"I'm sorry, I'm drunk and-"
"I don't fucking care, okay?! You might as well be dying from breast cancer. Your mouth comes nowhere near mine, understand?!" Frank is seriously at the verve of exploding and Gerard feels that and now is legitimately scared of him. Who the fuck knows? The guy is small, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still knock him down. Maybe he even owns a butcher knife, you never know, his grandpa’s an ex-Marine. The other one is a pure-blood Italian drummer. Heh, small world.
"I don't like you!" he keeps screaming. “I hate your fucking guts, you fucking idiot, and I'll hate you forever. Get it? Forever!"
"I'm so-"
"Don't you dare apologize." His tone now sounds calmer, but he obviously isn't quite finished. "You know, Steve Urkel would never do this to me. He wouldn't."
"What?" Gerard can't help but to chuckle. Bad idea, as he practically sees steam pissing out of Frank's ears. He's so screwed.
"Don't laugh at me, this is all your fault. I hate you." Frank is now literally three inches away from him and his eyes are so wide Gerard is a bit worried they'll fall out of their sockets, like little, white, a bit pot-reddened tennis balls. He's pretty sure Frank would look hot even without his eyes, though.
"Frank, please-" he tries again, even though he knows it’s no avail even before Frank cuts him off. Again.
"No," he's now speaking normally, his tone horrifyingly calm and quiet, highly contrasting his lash-out party from two seconds ago and freaking the fuck out of Gerard. "Gerard, please leave. Never come back. I don't care where you go. I was fine. I was so fine without you. I was great. But now you showed up and screwed everything up again. I hate you. I never want to see you again. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you," he says.
Now, when he's staring directly into Gerard's eyes, Gerard realizes that Frank is completely serious. He hates him. He hates his guts. It's his fault and Frank hates him. Gerard's heart starts physically hurting as it all floods his brain, the realization thick as a rock. He had no idea Frank hated him this much. Now he does. And it's not pleasant.
"Oh," he whimpers. He didn't even realize he's crying. He's fucking crying. Frank’s probably realized it by now, but he says nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Gerard becomes a mess. A literal mess as he drops his cup to the floor. He uses both of his hands to wipe the tears off his face. He can't look at Frank, not now. He knows he'll see so much hate which will probably drive even more tears from him. And he doesn't even want to cry. He just wants Frank. And Frank hates him. He turns around and searches for an exit; thanking fucking god Ray's house doesn't have a fence. That would make his work so much harder. He literally storms off, not even caring about Bert's voice calling him from somewhere behind him. He trips a few times on his way home but he manages to survive without any serious injuries. He knows his mom is working tonight. He also knows Mikey's home. That's convenient, because Mikey's the only person who's ever seen him like this.
Lame, yeah. His 14 year old brother is his best friend.
He opens the ugly green front door with great difficulties but he manages, probably just because he's not drunk enough to forget which side you open the door to. He bolts inside, hearing the sound of Mikey's swears which were, obviously enough, pointed at the playstation as Gerard's running down the stairs to his room.
Did he mention his room's in the basement? Yeah, he's cool like that, so he bribed Mikey to whine to their mom he wanted the upstairs room to himself. Mom, of fucking course, went with it, because Mikey's the queen of whining, so Gerard got the basement hut. He loves it. He uses it for everything - as an art studio, an art gallery, a study, a bedroom, a living room, even a kitchen - he made his mom keep the microwave and the small fridge which was put there by the previous owners of the house - he sometimes needs his coffee at inconvenient times. But at the moment, he just needs the CD player and the bed, because he's so emo he thinks he might explode in thick blobs of eyeliner and black hair dye. He can't do anything else but play a Joy Division CD and cry into his pillow hoping Mikey won't hear him.
Of course he's fucking wrong. Mikey storms into his room minutes later and turns down the music. Then he sits beside him on the bed and calls his name a few times.
"What?" Gerard snaps.
"Don't lash out on me, I'm just checking if you're fine," Mikey says patiently.
"Do I look fine?" Gerard groans into the pillow.
"Not in the slightest," Mikey sighs and prepares himself for an interrogation. "What happened?"
"Do you remember Frank Iero?"
"The little guy from your class who was pulling a really bad George Harrison hairstyle in middle school?" Mikey says in a careful tone and Gerard whimpers. Bingo. "What about him?"
"I still like him," Gerard admits, holding back the tears which are still, annoyingly enough, pouring out of his eyes like they're throwing up all the alcohol he had tonight.
"You've never cried about a crush before, Gee, I know there's more," Mikey says.
"I know," Gerard wails, "I kissed him. I- I'm drunk, I was drunk, I have no idea. And he kissed back at first, but then he-" Gerard starts sobbing violently again.
"What did he do, Gerard?" Mikey says before he curls up beside him.
"He pushed me away and he told me he hates me and he told me to leave because he's been fine and I fucked him up when I came back..." Gerard trails off, still sobbing like an idiot which he obviously is.
"Oh, Gee," Mikey hugs him. "It's fine. He's just a jerk."
"He's not a jerk, Mikes." Gerard curls up on his side and faces Mikey. "I left him. In middle school. Two days before we left Belleville, I kissed him. And he didn't push me away then. He had feelings for me then." Gerard then decides that dignity doesn't do him any fucks so he just shoves his head into the crook of Mikey's thin neck and keeps on sobbing while Mikey's arms hold him tight. "And then I left him. Without a warning. And now he hates me."
"Maybe he just needs time," Mikey says the same thing Lindsey did on Monday. Gerard doesn't believe it one bit. How should he? It's obvious he's lost all his chances with Frank. And that's making him feel like complete shit.
"Gee," Mikey says a while later when Gerard stops with his weeps which have now transferred into small hiccups. "Go take a shower."
"I don't wanna," Gerard mumbles, half asleep.
"You smell like vodka," Mikey notices, "just go take a shower and I'll clean your bed up for you so you can go to bed immediately."
"Oh god, okay," Gerard is drunk and tired, but he's not stupid – he’s not going to decline someone's kind offer to take all the shit from his bed. He has no idea how long he's spent sleeping on sheets literally made from comics and clothes. He wanted to clean it up – he always tells himself he will, but he never does because he's lazy as fuck. Thank god he has Mikey.
That kid can be so annoying sometimes but he's his little brother, so he guesses it has to be that way. You know, like, Big Brother doesn't let Little Brother watch his show because Breakfast at Tiffany's is on TV, and then Little Brother pees all over Big Brother's video games. It's like the circle of life.
Gerard manages to drag himself over to the bathroom. Just as he's about to strip his smelly shirt off, all the shit he's consumed during the day returns to his throat and he shoots a projectile of barf right into the sink. Shit. Well, it's not shit – it’s vomit, but at least he aims like a fucking pro. He manages to throw his womb up before he rinses his mouth and cleans off the sink, then practically stumbles under the shower. God knows how he succeeds not to get shampoo into his eyes but he doesn't question it and he's in his pajamas, brushing his teeth ten minutes later. His hair is still damp but he doesn't really give a fuck, if he gets pneumonia it'll be a fulfillment of all the prayers he currently owns.
When he gets to his room Mikey's not there, but the bed is all made up and he smirks to himself before he turns off the lamp and wraps himself in a duvet-Gerard burrito. He thinks about recycling before he goes to bed, strangely enough. He wonders if people can be recycled. He'd like to have his life recycled, really. Just so he could do the shit differently. He wants Frank back, like in seventh grade. It was nothing much, really, they just kissed. A few times. But the point is, Frank was his anyway. And he can be that again, right? Yes, Gerard concludes, he can and he will. He’s going to make sure of it.
*
Okay, so the headache isn't that bad.
Okay, who is he fucking kidding the headache is the worst thing ever. He groans in pain as he gets out of the bed, cursing everything dead and alive that he isn't capable of levitating. As on queue, Mikey opens the door to his room just as he's brushing his teeth in the bathroom and internally debating whether he should simply drink his hangover away or not, and yells like a fucking motherfucker, "Gee, mom called you to breakfast!"
He spits the water out of his mouth and yells back, "I'll be there, stop yelling, you're raping my brain!"
He hears Mikey throw him a 'whatever' and manages to get the toothpaste shit from his chin before practically crawling upstairs.
He hears muffled talking before he reaches the kitchen, to find his mom and Mikey having a discussion over whatever secrets of the universe they decided to uncover today. He doesn't really care, he just walks by them and gets his coffee, savoring the first sip as if it were Jesus.
"Manic headache, I see?" His mom asks, and he opens his eyes for a second.
"Yeah."
"Hangover," Mikey corrects, eating something that makes Gerard rethink if he's actually thrown everything up last night because his nausea returns.
His mom shoots him a half-curious, half-pissed glare. She doesn’t look pleased with the new information, it seems. “Did you get drunk again, Gerard?”
“No…” he doesn’t really see the point in lying but he’s going to lie anyway, simply because it’s a habit. Gerard is a really awful human being, as you can tell.
"Oh, God,” she sighs while shaking her head. He knows she knows it’s a plain lie. “Where were you last night, even?" She asks with a suspicious look, leaning onto the counter.
"Ray Toro's house," he responds indifferently. His relationship with his mom isn’t exactly the warmest, if you haven’t caught that already. But yeah, most of the time it’s okay because they don’t talk much, just go on like they have nothing to do with each other. They concluded a long time ago that she doesn’t understand him and he doesn’t understand her – so they just decided to live with it and not mention it ever again.
"Oh, you've reunited with some old friends, then, I see," she smirks, the little bitterness from before leaving her attitude immediately. Huh. Weird.
"That reminds me..."
"Of?" He says, not even bothering to fake any interest.
"You didn't make any plans for next Saturday evening, right?" She looks at him significantly and he knows he's screwed. Probably some family dinner, or something. Anyway, he doesn't like the feeling he gets from thinking about it.
"No," he says reluctantly.
"Great, we're having dinner at Linda and Frank's house." Bingo. Awesome, Gerard, you get to have some bond time with two presumably middle aged people you have no idea who they are. Must be whole lotta fun.
"Who are Linda and Frank?" Gerard cocks an eyebrow. It does sound familiar, but it's not like he's the best neighbor ever. Well, assuming good neighbors actually know their fellow neighbors' names.
"Oh, Gerard, you little idiot." Gerard sighs to that. Thanks, mom, he thinks. "You used to hang out with their son all the time. Wait, what was his name...?" He's still looking at her questioningly, waiting.
"Ah, yes," she smiles and Gerard can swear to fuck she looks like one of those cartoon cows when they get an idea and a light bulb appears above their head. Not like he’s calling his mom a cow or anything.
"Frank, his name is Frank, too, after his dad or something. The Iero boy, anyway."
Gerard almost chokes on his coffee. Oh no, not in fucking cocksucking Hell no, he thinks as he hopes Earth will be able to chew him up, swallow him and digest him before Saturday evening.
Notes
Okay so this wasn't beta'd, thanks to Rogue and her social life [don't worry, I don't have that]
Anyway, I'm not that happy with this chapter, but hey, I'm too lazy to rewrite it, so you'll kinda have to bear with me. I'm bored and I have slept the entirety of 6 hours in the last two days so be nice.
I feel like I'm gonna barf, holy crap
But hey, wanna tumblr with me? Yeah, here's my tumblr if ya wanna, y'know, follow [I follow everyone back so] - yeah um
- Milo
EDIT:
GUYS
GUYS TELL ME THIS IS TRUE
PLEASE
PLEASE LET IT BE TRUE
PLEASE
https://scontent-b-fra.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t1.0-9/10356415_1452882164968947_1843709778247143961_n.jpg
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Please finish this!!!! I read this back in January and check back weekly. It's the best.
7/6/15