I See You Lying Next to Me

***Gerard’s POV***
History went by really fast like I hoped it would. I just couldn’t wait to spend all of lunch with my new teacher, Mr. Iero. He was really friendly towards me, and I actually felt comfortable being around him. Once the bell for lunch break rang, all the other students rushed out of the door to meet up with their friends. “You wanna come sit up here with me?” Mr. Iero asked pulling up a chair next to his desk.” I immediately shot my head up and grinned. “Yeah sure!” He chuckled at my excitement as I walked up to the front of the classroom and sat in the chair beside his desk. “Did you bring a lunch?” He asked. I shook my head. “No…” “Do you have money to buy a lunch then?” He asked, sounding a little bit more concerned. “No, I’m not hungry…” I lied. I couldn’t just tell him about how I was self-conscious about my weight. “Well you must eat something! How bout I’ll buy you a lunch?” He offered giving me a warm smile. “No sir you don’t have to do that-““It won’t be a problem, really.” I sighed. “Mr. Iero-“He immediately cut me off. “Call me Frank.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “What?” He leaned in closer to where I was sitting. “You can call me Frank since I’m not teaching right now.” My heart race sped up as his face was close to mine. “O-ok, well Frank, you don’t have to buy me a lunch. I’m not hungry.” I gulped. “Are you sure kid?” I nodded. “Alright well in that case tell me about yourself.” I bit my lip as I tried to think of things I could tell him. “Any hobbies?” I then began to stutter. “W-well I like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, and Harry Houdini-“His eyes immediately lit up. “Dude that’s sick!” I couldn’t help but blush at his comment. “What kind of music do you like?” I paused. “I like Nirvana, David Bowie, and Blink 182…” I mumbled. “Wow your cute and you have a great taste in music!” He exclaimed. I could feel my face growing hot. Did he really just call me cute? “Thanks” I replied chuckling. He patted my shoulder. “No problem. So do you have any girlfriends at home?” He asked as I began to laugh. “Remember I’m gay.” He then began to laugh along. “Oh right, so you were being serious earlier. Well in that case, do you have any boyfriends at home?” I shook my head. “No.” An awkward tension began to build between us. “I’m not exactly likeable…” I explained. “Of course you’re likeable! Why would you be sitting here with me if you weren’t likeable?” I sighed. “That’s exactly my point. Remember you said I could come have lunch with you if I haven’t made any friends yet. Well guess what. I don’t have any.” He frowned. “Gerard, this is only your first day! You are bound to make tons of friends soon.” He said lifting up my chin with his finger. “Just don’t change for anybody alright? Just because you think you’re unlikeable, doesn’t mean it’s true.” Butterflies began to form in my stomach. “Thank you Mr. Way- I mean Frank.”

After my little lunch session with Mr. Iero, It was finally the second to last period of the day, which was English. “Alright class, today I thought we would do something a little more creative!” My eyes lit up as I paid full attention. A girl sitting next to me then began to raise her hand. “Yes Michelle?” He called. “What exactly are we doing?” He chuckled. “I was actually getting to that. Today we are going to write poems.” The class then began to groan. “Oh come on, it will be fun! Just imagine as if you’re writing a song.” I then became excited as I would write songs in my free time constantly. “Alright so just pull out a piece of paper and you can begin! I’ll give you all 20 minutes to finish.” He explained as we all got out our supplies and began the assignment. I knew this was my chance to actually explain how I feel. To show my real self. I eventually picked up the pencil and began to write everything that came to mind. I thought about my mother, my stepdad, my dad, Mikey, me. Me being the problem child. The one that’s worthless compared to Mikey. They all love Mikey. Then I began to think about the…anorexia…the cutting…all the secrets I’ve never told…And I wrote…
What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When you’re tired of living and playing this game?
When you know your life is meaningless and you’re the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know it’s all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When you’re in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.

As I finally finished my poem, I realized that more than half of the class was still working on theirs. I was then startled to see Mr. Iero standing above my desk. “Finished already I see?” I gulped hard. “May I see it?” I shook my head. “N-no it’s not good-“He then knelt down beside me. “Oh come on, I bet it’s great!” I immediately turned the piece of paper over on my desk to hide everything I wrote. “Please let me read it. You’re a creative kid, I bet its fantastic!” I finally just gave in, and handed him my poem. His expression on his face immediately changed when he began to read it. My eyes then began to sting as I tried my best not to cry. After he finally had finished reading it, he looked back at me as my eyes were now filled with tears. “Gerard-“”I told you, you shouldn’t have read it…” I choked out. “Is this how you really feel?” I couldn’t take it anymore. If I were to say one more word I would have bawled right then and there. Without thinking I stormed out of the classroom so I wouldn’t have to face anyone and headed for the Boy’s bathroom. Just to make sure Mr. Iero wouldn’t come looking for me, I hid in one of the stalls and locked myself in there as I finally let out all the tears.

Notes

sorry for the sad chapter guys:(
But Gerard finally opens up about how he feels
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