You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

After Jamia gives me a drunken hug which I don't return she stumbles back across the room, clearly not picking up on the vibe that I don't want her there and she lays down in the middle of the mattress, starting to talk to Frank again and I shoot him a look, pleading with him to get rid of her but he ignores it, holding his hand out and gesturing for me to join them and I cross the room, dropping the first aid kit on the bed beside Frank and I turn and leave the room, heading for the living room but I only make it as far as Ian's bedroom door before my wrist is grabbed and I'm pulled into the room, almost tripping as the door is closed behind me and I am pressed back against the wall, lips pressed to mine as Ian's hands grip my hips hard enough to bruise. I freeze up in shock for a few seconds before I regain control of myself and I gently push Ian away until our lips part but his hands remain on my hips. "Ian what the hell?" "I want you Gee, I have for a long time and it's not just physical, I want to wake up beside you every day, I live to see your gorgeous smile and hear your adorable laugh. I love your offbeat sense of humour and the way you stare off into space when you're concentrating on something really hard. I love watching you paint and draw, the way you bite your bottom lip when the lines just won't do what you want them to. You're so beautiful Gee and I love everything about you. When you were gone it killed me too and when I slept with Mikey yesterday, it wasn't him I was seeing in my mind." "Ian stop. I'm married to Frank, I can't possibly offer you what you want and I'm sorry." "I know and baby I don't blame you for that, but it still doesn't change how I feel and I'm sorry I kissed you but I couldn't help myself." "Ian you're one of my best friends and I care for you a lot but...." "How do you feel about me?" "I love you, maybe more than I should but it's still not close to what I feel for Frank and I'm sorry to have to say that to you." Ian slides his hand up to rest it over my mouth, silencing me as he says "Don't be sorry, I don't want to hear that word from you and I don't want you to feel bad." I nod, remaining silent as Ian removes his hand from my mouth and slides it back down to wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him in a hug and I slide my arms around his neck, hugging back, his face burying in my neck and I feel his nose skim down my neck as he breathes me in. "We're still friends right?" I whisper and Ian nods against my neck as he says "Best, forever." When he pulls back from the hug his hands come up to cup my cheeks and he says "Can I kiss you? Just once more, please?" I take a deep breath, holding it in my lungs as I think over what he wants and part of me wants it too but I don't know if I can do that to Frank. I slowly release my breath, tilting my head back up to stare into his eyes and I let my brain switch off, my eyes slipping closed as my body takes over and I lean in, closing the distance between our lips, Ian meeting me and his lips moving against mine immediately and after a few seconds of our lips sliding together Ian's tongue gently swipes my bottom lip and I don't hesitate to open my mouth, my tongue sliding against his as my arms tighten around his neck, one of my hands sliding up to fist in the back of his hair and his hands clench in the back of my shirt, his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him as the kiss stops being hesitant and soft and starts being rough and frantic and by the time we pull apart our lips are starting to swell a little and we are both panting for breath. "Gee" Ian pants softly and I shake my head, clearing the fog from my mind and I lean in and press one last peck to his lips before I step away and say "I have to go." Ian reaches out and gently grabs my wrist and says "Gee don't run, please." "Ian I'm not running, I have to go before Frank...." "Ok, as long as you're not running. I couldn't stand that." "I'm not running, I promise" I tell him, offering him a smile as I step in for another quick hug, Ian returning it before we pull apart and I leave the room, letting out another deep breath before I head across the hall to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and splashing cold water on my face, staring at myself in the mirror for a few long seconds before I head back out to the bedroom where I see Frank and Jamia passed out in our bed, a space left for me beside Frank and I climb in and snuggle up next to him, his arm wrapping around me as he shifts in his sleep, cuddling up to me and as his low even breaths wash over my forehead a jolt of guilt shoots through me and I feel my eyes well with tears, the sounds of the party happening on the other side of the door muffling my quiet whimpers as I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up and Frank and Jamia are still asleep beside me and I slowly get out of the bed, careful not to wake either of them and I step out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind me and making my way to the bathroom where I find Ian brushing his teeth at the sink. "Hey" I say softly as I walk up behind him and he takes the toothbrush out of his mouth to smile at me and say "Hey, you look cute." I turn to look in the mirror and I see my hair is messed up from sleep and I chuckle as I reach up and smooth it down as Ian goes back to brushing his teeth. "I swapped shifts and we're starting at the same time today if you wanna go in together" He tells me as he rinses his mouth out and I smile as I say "Sure, I'll just take a quick shower and get dressed." "A shower?" "Alone" I tell him, his smirk widening as he says "Of course, I was just repeating what you said." "Yeah, it was totally a innocent comment" I say sarcastically and Ian chuckles before leaving the room, pulling the door closed behind him. I start the water and undress while I wait for it to heat up and just as I step in and pull the curtain closed the door opens and I panic for a second before Franks voice says "Mind if I join you babe?"

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