Save Me

Suddenly, I was just aware. Conscious and able to control my thoughts once again. Like waking up in the morning.
My eyes were still closed but I could tell I was laying down in a rather comfy area.
What happens after you die has been one of the greatest mysteries I've tried to make sense of, to no avail. I mean, is this heaven? Is this hell?
Am I laying in a coffin as a ghost right now?
I opened my eyes and examined my surroundings and was seriously confused to find that I was laying on my bed in my room. I sat up and pain shot through my forehead, although I didn't see any brain bits or blood dribbles littering my body.
My confusion was momentarily replaced with a deep-set fright as I heard someone clear their throat in the doorway to which my eyes followed and found a familiar short figure leaning against the doorframe.
It was Frank, only he looked a little more put together and surely wasn't the nervous wreck I had been familiar with in the past few days. His expression was calm and it almost comforted me...
Except for the fact that I knew I was supposed to be halfway down the highway to hell right now.
He was looking quite fascinated with my every movement and facial twitch, almost like he was waiting for me to say something.
But of course I couldn't do that, so he just cleared his throat again and said "Hi." When I still didn't break my silence streak he smirked and asked if I was confused.
Hell yeah, I thought.
He chuckled like he heard that.
"Frank? What’s going on?" I finally inquired.
While still resting against the wall, looking just as awkward as the Frank I was used to, he began to explain.
And it was confusing.
"You tried to kill yourself, and someone decided you were worth saving."
"So am I dead?" I asked feeling my heart rate accelerate and my stomach flutter.
"No, not quite. You're kind of in some type of limbo, I guess. You and me. No one else. Unless I want anyone else to be, but even if that were so, they wouldn't be able to see, hear or feel us."
"But how? I mean, are you really Frank?"
"Sort of. I mean I think everything he thinks, feel everything he feels, know everything he knows, at least as far as you were aware of him. I’m like your perception of Frank, which is indeed almost exact to the real Frank, so there's not much of a difference, except... well for one I can read your mind-"
WHAT?!? I thought. Oh this is just great, get a kid who has an irrational fear that people can hear what he is thinking and tell him it's actually happening right now.
"Oh no, calm down, I mean, I couldn't even tell anyone anything if I wanted to, and you kind of created me- well I’ll get there later, first I have to show you something."
This is too much. I can't even comprehend what's going on, much less over-analyze it like I’m used to. He smiled like this was good thing but it wasn't, it's a scary thing.
His face became serious again. "Look I know you're overwhelmed-" You think "but this is good, I-I'm here to teach you." Oh that is my favorite activity to endure. "Hey, this is a good thing, I promise. You're gonna be okay. Trust me," I'm sorry but it's a little hard to trust people when you don’t understand what the hell is going on.
Even so, as much as I doubted the 'you’re gonna be okay' part, I couldn't help but feel myself calm down a little. I mean I have no idea what's going on or how this is even possible... Unless I’m dreaming.
"Sorry, m'dear, this is all too real. But like I said, this is a good thing," he said. Well at least I don't have to waste all my energy on verbally expressing myself.
He smirked again before giving me a sad look and solemnly saying: "There's something you need to see before we go on..."
Well that's kind of scary. He nodded
"Stand up," he told me. I did. "Now come here," he commanded. I shuffled over to him. He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Close your eyes," he whispered. I did so until he told me to open them up again a few seconds later.
We were no longer in my bedroom, instead we were at my mom's work, standing in the entry way of her cubicle.
"When the neighbors heard the gunshot, they called the cops, who made the discovery," Frank explained. I felt a shiver spread through my body like a lightning bolt when her desk phone began to ring.
She introduced herself as if this was just a normal everyday work call until hearing what the caller had to say. There was a long silence and then she whispered, barely audible, "What?"
I couldn't bear her expression next. She gasped out in exasperation her eyes beginning to pool with water. It was the most real expression I had ever seen on someone. My face squished up in anguish and anger at myself for hurting her like that. "Oh, ma..."
Frank grasped my hand and I clutched it as tight as I could, my other one reaching up to run through my hair hard enough to pull a few strands out.
I turned over and Frank pulled me in a hug which I gratefully accepted. "Close your eyes," he said, soothingly, which I immediately did so to escape my mother's horrifying fate.
when I opened them once again, I found myself in another office, still embracing frank, but I moved away and let go of his hand when I realized where we were, and I felt a little betrayed because we were going to see the exact same thing happen again only to my father.
This is too much, I thought as I heard that monotone phone ring again and my dad reached over to pick it up.
I didn't want to watch but my eyes couldn't seem to look away.
He almost dropped the phone when he figured out just was going on. For the first time in my life my I saw my dad cry and my already tear-stricken face once again felt the hot tears streak down my red face.
Dad leaped across his office floor to the door, which I moved out of the way by instinct in order to not get run down, even though Frank said that would be impossible, and then he was gone, almost shattering every glass object in the room with how hard he slammed the door behind him.
I took a deep shaky breath and faced Frank again.
"Close your eyes," he said, looking as if he hated doing this to me as much as I hated seeing it.
This time I refused because I knew which beloved family member of mine would be next and that would be even worse, however before I could stop myself I found myself in an unfamiliar living room literally in the blink of an eye.
I saw Mikey and that one of his friends with the afro sitting on the couch laughing at each other's jokes or the TV or something when Mikey’s phone began to ring and he rolled his eyes flipping it open to see our 'needy' mother calling him. He accepted the call, starting out carefree, however as the conversation progressed he became more and more at worried Mom's frantic voice until she finally broke the news in which he looked like he was in shock.
I looked down instead of enduring my brother's heartbroken expression but I still heard his sobs and broken attempts to explain to his friend why he had to go. I couldn't even look at Frank for guidance because this was the worst thing I had ever gone through and he made it happen.
"Okay I get it, just make it stop!" I yelled through stutters and tears. My eyes were already glued shut so he just simply grabbed at my hand again, not bothering to say anything more.
I lifted my head to see Frank, the real Frank, not the one who was holding my hand. He was walking with a very bothered and somewhat guilty expression until he bothered acknowledging my house where he found police cars and my family strewn across the drive way in which he broke into a sprint to try to get some answers as to just what in the fuck was going on.
I decided that I couldn't take this anymore so I just broke down completely and sobbed into Frank's shoulder, he too was looking quite distraught like he didn't anticipate this experience would affect him that much.
"Oh Frankie, that's you, that could've been you," I whispered.
He just shushed me and told me to open my eyes, promising that it was over. I did as he said and found that we were sitting on my bedroom floor. I still clung to him like a child clung to his teddy bear in the middle of the night when he feared of monsters under his bed, and he didn't protest but simply stroked my back.
"There's more too," he whispered, cautiously. "When they announced it at school, all your teachers, especially your art one, and the few kids who actually knew your name were in some kind of sad shock."
I stopped him. "It's just, you keep talking about this is past tense like it really happened. I'm still confused," I admitted. Confused, depressed, empty, all my normal emotions, except on steroids.
"It didn't happen, no. But that's what would've happened. Think of it like one of your 'mind simulations' coming to life," he explained, "That's it. Just a simulation."
I didn't really understand, and I wasn't sure I wanted to understand or if this was even a thing capable of understanding, but I didn't really want to think about it either. "So what happens now?" I asked trying to ease my headache.
He sighed. "I'm gonna try to fix you. Of course I can't promise anything, it really all depends on how you react, but I’m gonna try. And then... well I don't know, you'll probably be released from this state of purgatory and put back in your life where you can actually start to enjoy it."
Yeah right, I thought, then almost immediately regretted it because after all it was the hopeless thoughts like these that caused the ones I loved to feel such pain for my selfish action.
I didn't say anything after that, nor did he. We just sat there, me crying over his shoulder, not realizing how awkward this would've been in another situation, and him comforting me.
And it felt kind of strange to cry because I had resisted the sensation for so long. It made me feel kind of weak in a way, but in another way it was also rather addictive, like a cigarette. A stress reliever. I hadn't done it in so long I couldn't seem to stop now.
It also felt weird because of Frank. This slightly different best friend was comforting me and it was so nice because it was really the first time I had confided with anyone about my emotions, and I was like an open book not even able to hide anything if I wanted to, and he knew it and had this unspoken promise to not judge.
And then after a while, after I had cooled down and realized that what just happened didn't actually happen, I felt that feeling that I had been pushing away for so long make its way back into my head, almost like it was trying to compensate and explain the despair I had just had. And I didn't even try to stop it this time because right now I was too tired to fight anything.
So I fell asleep, just like that in Frank’s arms.
Can you say awkward or what.

Notes

Okay, once again sorry if this sucks :/
Not much to say this time.
okay bye!