So Long and Good Night
They're These Terrors
GERARD'S P.O.V
"No one will ever want a freak." his cold, dry voice hissed, sending chills down my spine and anger raging through my veins.
"Shut up." I whispered not looking at him. I felt my fingernails slowly start digging into the palms of my hands.
"Why, you know I'm right, Gerard. You're a good for nothing freak that isn't even wanted by your own parents. And let's face it, Elena probably killed herself because she couldn't live with the fact that her own grandson is a faggot." Out of the corner of my eye I watched a twisted grin tug at the corners of his lips.
"You're wrong you mother fucker!" I yelped, lunging at him, my arms stretched out, ready to strangle the bastard. He stepped aside at the last second. ]
"C'mon, you and I both know that I'm right. It's inevitable." He sneered, a devilish chuckle pushing its way though his cracked smile.
"You aren't going to do this to me anymore. I'm done letting you make me feel like shit about my life!" I spat, pushing my way past him and walking away.
"You'll never be able to escape me. Even if I was dead, I'd still be here to make your life a living hell." he called after me.
"Really? Is that so?" I asked, stopping in my tracks and turning around to watch him reach behind his back and pull something from his pocket.
A gun.
"Go ahead, shoot me and see. I may die, but I'll never leave." he replied, holding the weapon out to me. I didn't skip a beat and I had the gun in my hand. I loaded the single bullet into the chamber and held it up in front of me, aimed at my father.
That's when the guilt started pinging in my chest. Just like every other time. I wasn't going to be able to pull the trigger. No. I had to. To tell him...to tell myself that he wasn't in control of me anymore.
"C'mon you faggot, shoot me." He called, spreading his arms out to his sides. Then, I felt my finger squeeze, letting the bullet fly.
I woke up in a cold sweat, shooting up in bed. My breathing was labored and my hair was clinging to my forehead.
I almost shot my father.
No. No, that dream didn't happen. I never actually pulled the trigger. I had that dream hundreds of times and never once have I pulled the trigger....until now.
Taking in one more deep breath I pushed my hair back from my face and slowly made my way out of bed, trying my best not to wake Frank. I shuffled down the hall and into the kitchen, flipping on the light. I glanced over to the stove to see that it was just past three in the morning.
Sighing, I got myself a glass of water and grabbed my cigarettes. I went out the front door and went over to the balcony, lighting up the stick in my mouth and taking a long drag.
"Gerard?" I heard Frankie's voice whisper from the front door. I spun around to see him leaning against the doorway, a blankets hugged around his torso.
"Hey, baby." I sighed, flicking away some ashes and leaning my back on the railing.
"What are you doing up? It's 3 in the morning." he replied, stepping closer to me.
"I just had a nightmare. I needed to get some air." I sighed as he came up and wrapped his arms around me. I kisses the top of his head and let my arms fall around his body. I felt his sigh before looking up to me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, shooting him what I thought was a reassuring smile. But the way concern drifted across his face, I knew it wasn't.
"Are you sure, Gee?"
"Yes, Frankie. Now go back to bed, I'll be there in a few minutes." I replied. He simply nodded and hugged the blankets around his shoulders before shuffling inside and gently closing the door.
I sighed and quickly finished the cigarette before trudging back inside and into bed. I wrapped my arms around Frank as he faced the wall. I felt him scoot back slightly, nuzzling into my body.
I let my eyes drift closed as my mind wondered back to the dream. I just couldn't shake the fact that my mind let me nearly kill my own father. Was my subconscious trying to say that I really wanted him to die? Did I really want to kill him?
I finally fell into a light, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.
"No one will ever want a freak." his cold, dry voice hissed, sending chills down my spine and anger raging through my veins.
"Shut up." I whispered not looking at him. I felt my fingernails slowly start digging into the palms of my hands.
"Why, you know I'm right, Gerard. You're a good for nothing freak that isn't even wanted by your own parents. And let's face it, Elena probably killed herself because she couldn't live with the fact that her own grandson is a faggot." Out of the corner of my eye I watched a twisted grin tug at the corners of his lips.
"You're wrong you mother fucker!" I yelped, lunging at him, my arms stretched out, ready to strangle the bastard. He stepped aside at the last second. ]
"C'mon, you and I both know that I'm right. It's inevitable." He sneered, a devilish chuckle pushing its way though his cracked smile.
"You aren't going to do this to me anymore. I'm done letting you make me feel like shit about my life!" I spat, pushing my way past him and walking away.
"You'll never be able to escape me. Even if I was dead, I'd still be here to make your life a living hell." he called after me.
"Really? Is that so?" I asked, stopping in my tracks and turning around to watch him reach behind his back and pull something from his pocket.
A gun.
"Go ahead, shoot me and see. I may die, but I'll never leave." he replied, holding the weapon out to me. I didn't skip a beat and I had the gun in my hand. I loaded the single bullet into the chamber and held it up in front of me, aimed at my father.
That's when the guilt started pinging in my chest. Just like every other time. I wasn't going to be able to pull the trigger. No. I had to. To tell him...to tell myself that he wasn't in control of me anymore.
"C'mon you faggot, shoot me." He called, spreading his arms out to his sides. Then, I felt my finger squeeze, letting the bullet fly.
I woke up in a cold sweat, shooting up in bed. My breathing was labored and my hair was clinging to my forehead.
I almost shot my father.
No. No, that dream didn't happen. I never actually pulled the trigger. I had that dream hundreds of times and never once have I pulled the trigger....until now.
Taking in one more deep breath I pushed my hair back from my face and slowly made my way out of bed, trying my best not to wake Frank. I shuffled down the hall and into the kitchen, flipping on the light. I glanced over to the stove to see that it was just past three in the morning.
Sighing, I got myself a glass of water and grabbed my cigarettes. I went out the front door and went over to the balcony, lighting up the stick in my mouth and taking a long drag.
"Gerard?" I heard Frankie's voice whisper from the front door. I spun around to see him leaning against the doorway, a blankets hugged around his torso.
"Hey, baby." I sighed, flicking away some ashes and leaning my back on the railing.
"What are you doing up? It's 3 in the morning." he replied, stepping closer to me.
"I just had a nightmare. I needed to get some air." I sighed as he came up and wrapped his arms around me. I kisses the top of his head and let my arms fall around his body. I felt his sigh before looking up to me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, shooting him what I thought was a reassuring smile. But the way concern drifted across his face, I knew it wasn't.
"Are you sure, Gee?"
"Yes, Frankie. Now go back to bed, I'll be there in a few minutes." I replied. He simply nodded and hugged the blankets around his shoulders before shuffling inside and gently closing the door.
I sighed and quickly finished the cigarette before trudging back inside and into bed. I wrapped my arms around Frank as he faced the wall. I felt him scoot back slightly, nuzzling into my body.
I let my eyes drift closed as my mind wondered back to the dream. I just couldn't shake the fact that my mind let me nearly kill my own father. Was my subconscious trying to say that I really wanted him to die? Did I really want to kill him?
I finally fell into a light, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.
Notes
Sorry...this is just a lame filler..kayyyyy
Take your time it'll come to you eventually :)
8/15/14