Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts (frerard)

I awoke from my half peaceful slumber; the only one I’d been able to catch that day, when I wasn’t trying my hardest to hang onto Jamia’s every word, whether it was about the lesbian couple next door or the price of banana’s at the grocery store in the town centre. I could now hear her bustling about in the kitchen, preparing the blueberry muffins she had carefully explained to me earlier, which she was bringing down to the community book club that evening as a treat. It wouldn’t be long until she came through and caught me red handed, slumped on the sofa with an empty can of beer in one hand and the latest Hell Boy comic in the other. She had always been picky about what I did with my life, telling me I should spend more of my free time with her, making the most of the moments we had when I wasn’t away touring with the band. I huffed at the thought and put the beer can in the bin by the arm of the plush beige sofa, the comic in my record bag I’d tucked out of sight behind my feet.

“I don’t want you to go!” Jamia whined as she appeared through the kitchen door, clad in a flour covered red apron, which was printed with tiny yellow flowers and sprigs of ivy.

“I know you don’t. But I have to. It’s the band, honey.” I cringed at the use of that stupid pet name she always swooned at, but I continued to use it, to make her happy. She was a nice girl.

“Hmm. Don’t I get a kiss before you go to Gerard’s? Pretty please?” She pouted her cupid bow lips and widened her fairly beautiful puppy dog eyes to the extent where I crumbled and let her pull me in for a kiss. As she worked her lips against my own, I couldn’t help but let my mind twist the truth and warp my body in imagining that I was making out with my best friend; Gerard.

It had been since we first started the band, in 2001, that I felt these feelings towards him. It was wrong, immoral. He was my best fucking friend! He had a girlfriend by the time we’d released our first album, a girl he fawned over and treated like royalty. I was nothing compared to Lynz. Nothing. That didn’t stop me falling head over heels in love with a man I was certain indentified as straight and gave a woman sex every Saturday night after dinner. I knew this because I had watched Gerard every weekend, identifying the way he smirked at her as they left the studio, the way he squeezed her ass tentatively when he thought I wasn’t glowering at him from my car window. He always had a hint of loss in his eyes though, I thought. Like this wasn’t what he wanted. Who was I kidding? Wishful thinking, motherfucker.

As Jamia pulled away, I was shaken from my train of thought, and plunged back into the painful reality. I was just kissing Jamia, not Gerard. I was going to Gerard’s house as a friend, not to make love to him. I was never going to have him love me back and I would eventually marry Jamia and have children, even though I was gay. Just fucking fine.

“I need to go. Gerard wants me there by 5.” I tried my hardest not to squeal in anticipation at the thought of touring with the band for several months. Freedom at last!

“I love you.” Jamia cooed, embracing me in a bone crushing hug which smelt of her lavender scent, mingled with the bitter tang of flour on the apron and my own smell of old books and cigarette smoke.

~~~ Time Lapse! Frank is now at Gerard’s house ~~~

“No way, The Exorcist is definitely one of the best ghost films!” I argued, giggling manically as Gerard’s elbow made contact with my ribs and he wrestled me into the mass of duvets we’d settled on the floor.

“The Shining beats all, Iero!” Gerard was still flailing around under the blankets as I attacked his chest with my hands in an attempt to hold him down. He was bigger than me, much bigger, so I gave up trying and rolled backwards back onto the sofa. “Tell you what; let’s watch Night of the Living Dead.” Gerard continued, crawling out from under the blankets and towards the old TV settled in the corner of his sitting room. I couldn’t help but stare, admiring his perky ass in those batman pajama bottoms which drove me crazy, even if they were baggy and stained with coffee. He looked plain cute. Gerard really was a beautiful person, Frank thought to himself silently as he watched Gerard fumbling with the old DVD player he’d used as a child.

No wonder Lynz loved him. He had a mess of knotted black hair which fell down to his shoulders, sometimes greasy and unwashed, but it still looked artistic and framed his face even better. He had clear, pale skin which complimented his petite features; an upturned pixie nose, a pair of intense hazel orbs for eyes and a rose tinted mouth. He wasn’t particularly toned, nor skinny or fat, but he had a nice, natural figure, long spidery fingers and an intriguing smile. I was pretty certain that he was the definition of purity.

Eventually, the movie title rolled up on the screen and Frank snuggled back under the blankets, cocooning him and Gerard in a roll up of black duvets.

~ ~ ~ Another time lapse because I’m tired, lazy and uninteresting ~ ~ ~

The violent beams of bright Thursday morning light intruded my sleeping paradise, lighting up the otherwise cave like living room and making my surroundings known. I was still wrapped up in the bedding, Gerard pressed up into my side…extremely close. I felt my heart flutter like a butterfly trapped in my slowly tightening chest, and I reached out a hand and felt Gerard’s back, exposed as his shirt had ridden up in his fitful sleep.

I took a moment to relax and come down from my slightly embarrassing moment, before easing up from the blankets and treading my way through the sea of spilt pop corn and discarded movies, towards the kitchen. I turned on the coffee maker, busying myself with finding cereal in the scarce cupboards that Gerard never seemed to fill up. Did he live off coffee, cigarettes and corner shop beer? I mused, smirking to nobody as I tipped a dribble of soft Lucky Charms crumbs into a mug, seeing as Gerard hadn’t washed up since what looked like last year, and fixed my coffee with minimal creamer. Not long after, I heard the floor board creak, signaling that Gerard had awoken or an angry Lynz had returned from her spa weekend Gerard had told me she was spending with a few of her girlfriends. Sure enough, Gerard appeared in the door way, a sagging duvet wrapped securely around his shoulders, whilst his legs stuck out underneath, one trouser leg halfway up his knee. His eyes were crusted up with sleep, his hair lank and greasy and he kept running the back of his hand against his nose, sniffing. But still, I swooned at his adorable appearance. I handed him the fresh coffee and pushed the remainders of the Lucky Charms across the counter, smiling my best ‘I’ve-just-woken-up-and-don’t-give-a-shit-about-anything’ smile and wiping hair from my eyes.


“G’morning, Gee,” I greeted, blowing a cloud of steam from my coffee and into the air which already smelt of late morning rain and New Jersey traffic. Great.

“G’morning, Frankie.” Gerard returned the greeting and gave me a weak smile, bringing the coffee to his lips and taking a long, slurping sip. This seemed to revitalize him.

~ ~ ~ I know, I know, I’m a sucker for time lapses ~ ~ ~


After changing into my too tight Iron Maiden t shirt, a pair of jeans and a leather jacket, I followed Gerard to the car, brushing pizza crumbs I’d somehow gathered on my upper half last time I wore the shirt.

“We’re meeting Ray, Mikey and Bob there.” Gerard told me, swinging open the door to the old silver car and holding it open for me to clamber into the passenger seat.


“Well we’d better get going. Mikey will be fucked off if we’re late.” I chuckled at the thought and clipped myself in, rummaging through the glove compartment until I found a battered original copy of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, the one we’d all had copied before it went out to the public. I grinned and popped it into the machine, readying myself for the journey to the first destination.

“Here we go.”

Notes

So... Hello! I'm DieWithUrMaskOn, and I will be writing Frank's POV for this fan fiction. It will be co written with OhGerardWay. She's a GREAT writer. Anyway, I'm rubbish at writing in the first person, so I'm really sorry. I usually write in the third person. Please subscribe, rate, comment...whatever you do on here. Also, I apologise for the quality of the first chapter. I'm writing this at night and I've had a busy day, so I guess I'll try and improve and write earlier on my next chapter. OhGerardWay will be writing the next chapter as Gerard's POV and we will be alternating. I hope you enjoy.

DieWithUrMaskOn x

P.S I think you should be expecting another chapter by Thursday at the latest.