Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

Gerard walked toward me and said, "You get top bunk but if you feel like someone's watching you and you feel like their going to do something, you can sleep with me." He smiled.
"That's a nice offer but I think I'll be okay." I muttered underneath my breath, "I can't believe this is happening."
Gerard replied, "Well, believe it. Oh, so lunch is starting." His hand grabbed mine and pulled me outside the room. Gerard jumped a bit excitedly, his hand clenching mine. I didn't try to pull away, or move aside. Gerard was scary, but something else about him made me smile.
Ding-dong, you are wrong.
Bam goes the explosion, bam goes the door, bam goes the bullet that passes through your skull. I flicked my head, trying to hush the voices in my head. I guess Gerard saw because he smiled, "You know, for a schizophrenic, you don't seem to be going too insane. I've seen a lot like you and they're always shouting, screaming-it gets annoying."
I looked at him, "Well, I do get like that...when I don't have my pills or music."
"Music? Oh, you won't be getting that."
"What?"
"I tried getting a microphone and speakers just to sing, but the staff thinks I'm going to whack someone with it." Gerard frowned, "But I can't live without music."
"I don't think anyone can."
"Lunchtime," A voice from down the hall said. I looked to find a staff pushing a cart full of food and trays. Thank god. I haven't eaten all day.
Gerard asked, "How long do you plan on staying here?"
"I've been told to stay here for a year and once I turn fucking eighteen, I'm leaving this damn place."
"Yes! You go and live your life!" He cheered.
The staff with the food were getting closer. I licked my lips in starvation when my eyes laid on the burritos. Gerard tightened his hand around mine. I looked at our hands before asking, "You don't find this as a trigger? Of your traumatic experience?"
"I don't have a traumatic experience...but I held your hand. It's consensual." He winked.
I chuckled in response.
"Alright, grab a burrito, a juice box, and a cupcake-one of each." The cart pulled up to Gerard and I. I gave no hesitation to grab my food and head back inside. Gerard took his food and followed me, "Hey, so, don't eat the cupcake."
I climbed onto my bunk and replied, "But it's the best part." I chuckled.
Gerard gave me a look that said, "please". I looked at him before sighing, "Fine. I won't." Gerard grabbed my cupcake with yummy strawberry frosting and threw it in the trash along with his. He looked at me, "Can I join you up there?"
I shrugged, "It doesn't matter."
Gerard smiled as he climbed up next to me. He set his food down and said, "So, how's the outside world?"
I looked at him, "How long have you been in here to ask me that?"
Gerard frowned, "About three years. I committed murder when I was fourteen..." He put on his smile, "So are you going to tell me or be selfish?"
"Well, nothing's changing...economy still sucks. Global warming is scaring the shit out of everyone-"
"Is the government still trying to kill us?" He chuckled.
I laughed, "Yes." I took a bite in my burrito, and I admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought. It was actually pretty good. I looked at Gerard who slurped through his juice box, his hazel eyes looking at me. He reminded me of a cute little kid.
Gerard smiled, "What?"
I looked at my food, "You look cute."
Gerard frowned, "I'm not trying to be."
I smiled, "It's a gift then."
Gerard chuckled. He said, "Well, after lunch we go to our therapy session with Mr. Stump."
"Briefcase guy?"
Gerard laughed, "Yeah. He keeps our files in there."
"No wonder why he's so nice."
The voices in my head all said at once, their voices echoing, everyone thought that hitler was so nice too.

Notes