Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

It was hard to function for a little while. Gerard had to help me eat, which was weird because he was playing mother all to well. He smiled at me as he fed a spoonful of applesauce into my mouth. He smiled, "The last time I fed anyone like this was my brother when he was a baby." He chuckled, "How's it feel to be babied?"
"I can lift a spoon, you know." I smiled.
"Yeah, but you can't aim right." He replied, getting another spoonful of the sweet applesauce.
I looked at him, "Gerard, have you ever thought of running away?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, from here? I mean, you know about Dr. Laguna yet you still stay here."
"That's because Dr. Laguna only did his procedure on me once and never again. It's not bad here. Sure, the staff treats us differently just because we're insane, and sure there's a deranged maniac in the tunnels-"
"Tunnels?"
"Yeah, Dr. Laguna's little torture room is connected to the underground tunnels."
"Gee, are you telling me we can escape?"
Gerard hushed me aggressively, "They'll hear you! No one is escaping. You have one year and one year only. Deal with it."
I frowned, "What about you?"
Gerard frowned, "I'll be fine." He forced a smile, "You'll visit me."
I looked at him, "Yeah but...I want you to be out there in the outside world, with me."
Gerard chuckled a bit, "That's cute." His eyes locked into mine. It was a moment of heart warming love. I felt my cheeks burn up a bit as he grinned, "Really cute." Gerard was so damn cute, it made me weak. I wiped my hands along the trail of my thighs, "You're cute."
Gee's smile faded a bit, "Frankie, as much as I would love to spend the rest of my days with you, I have to spend it here. I can't escape. I'm too weak and vulnerable to be in the outside world."
"But you'll have me."
He shook his head, "I'm not risking anything, I'm sorry." He lifted up the spoonful of the tangy applesauce, "Now open up," he smiled.
I sighed but opened my mouth and let the spoon drop the food into my mouth. I swallowed it as my eyes watched Gee who was scooping up more. Was this really what he wanted? To be trapped in these walls?
Gerard smiled, "Everything is going to be okay."
I admired him for his positive thinking, I really did. He makes any situation lighten up. Like Ray. Gee was a lot like Ray, or maybe Ray was a lot like Gee. Either way, it was a good way. Though, Gerard makes me happy. He was a cute, understandable dork with bright hazel eyes and cute small teeth.
I slowly moved my hand close to Gee's thigh. He fliched, but didn't react by beating me to death. He didn't make eye contact, he was more focused on the applesauce in the small plastic bowl. I tucked in my lips and leaned into him, "Is it okay if I kiss your neck, Gee?" I whispered. I wasn't going to risk Gerard having one of his traumatic episodes so the least I could do is ask for his consent.
Gerard looked at me, and nodded slowly. I leaned over and pecked his neck softly. I felt his body shiver. Maybe I was taking this too far, too fast. He is traumatized after all. I moved away, leaning my back against the bottom bed. I said, "Sorry."
Gerard cleared his throat nervously, "It's fine...um, how far were you gong to go?"
"I wouldn't move pass oral for the first time." I chuckled, almost joking.
Gerard smiled, "Too bad you stopped." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. It was hard to tell Gerard's emotions.
Gerard moved the bowl aside and sat in between my legs. His back faced me, and his red hair brushed against my nose. I took in the scent of sweet strawberry and reeled him in closer by wrapping my arms around him. He didn't flinch or shiver. In fact, he grabbed my hand and held it.
He said, "Frankie, I want to be completely honest with you. This place was meant to help the patients but...just don't trust anybody. Not even Patrick. If anything goes wrong, run. I've been in here too long and there's been too many suicides happening which is very unusual. There were ten suicides in one year. All in the ages 16-20."
"O-shit. That's not comforting to hear."
"The truth is almost never comforting." He sighed, leaning his head back.
I replied, "So, don't trust anybody?" I joked, "Does that include you?"
Gerard frowned, "I wouldn't trust myself. I mean, honestly, if I had a gun if end my life before you could look up..."
"Don't say that. The thought of you dying breaks my heart."
Gerard turned his body toward me, "That's something people never learn, love. You may think succeeding in life is your destiny or making other people smile is your destiny-but no. We all have one destiny. Death. Death is our ultimate destiny."

Notes