Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

Its not easy waking up in the middle of night, in a cold sweat. I try to tell myself, it's not real, it's not real...it's not real...but I see it, I feel it, so it's real to me. I don't know know whose real or whose just an illusion so I barricade myself in my apartment. I have a therapist, pills, and a mom who cares but none of the above seem to help.
There is one person who does help. Well, he's in my head. His name is Ray. He's nice. The only thing is, just as any other fucked up thing in my head, he's always there. That could be good, and that could be bad. When I'm having a rough time, about to knock something over, he's there to calm me down...but when I'm using the restroom, he's there.
Anyway, I've been dealing with this for a very long time...a very long time. I've been taking the pills which calm down the voices, but not all of them. I could never count how many there are...the only way to escape these demons is music. I put some classical music on, and the voices seem to die down. Who needs pills?
This night, I needed my radio the most. I hurried through the kitchen to my room. I knocked some vases, chairs. The voices seem to grow louder and louder each step, until I finally collapsed onto the floor. I screamed out, into a cradling position, pressing the palms of my hands against my ears. I shouted, "No more! No more!"
"Hush, hush" one would say.
"Go outside and walk through the busy streets" another would say.
"Time for music!" One would tease.
I screamed aloud, kicking my feet.

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