You're Not In This Alone

While Mikey's at work I sleep on and off and the pain in my side flares up so I stumble into the kitchen and take another two pain killers before laying back down and drifting off again. The next time I open my eyes I feel my stomach clench painfully before I lean over the edge of the couch and vomit all over the floor, my head spinning and my ears ringing. I groan out in pain and Mikey comes running into the room, kneeling beside my puddle of vomit. "Ruby are you ok?" "Feel funny" I tell him and my tongue feels funny in my mouth so my words come out slightly garbled. "Jesus Ruby" he says as his hand comes to rest of my forehead. "Are you on something?" He asks and I feel my body start to tremble uncontrollably as I try to make sense of his words in my fog filled brain. I shake my head and I feel the room start to spin violently as my stomach clenches again and I dry heave, nothing coming out. "Kristin call an ambulance" I hear Mikey scream out, my eyes rolling back in my head. "Her pupils are blown, I think she's overdosing" is the last thing I hear before the room goes black.

The next time I wake up I'm in a hospital bed, an iv in my hand and a tube under my nose. I reach up and try to pull the tube away from my face but a warm hand reaches out and grabs my wrist, and a gentle familiar voice says "No Ruby don't." I turn my head with a lot of effort to come face to face with Dad, his eyes red and swollen. I stare at him confused before he says "I should be so fucking mad at you but I'm just so happy you're ok. Why would you do this Ruby? Were you trying to kill yourself?" I shake my head no and when I go to speak my throat aches terribly. "What happened?" "You overdosed on your painkillers, they had to pump your stomach. What were you thinking? How many did you take?" "I took two and then later I took another two" I croak out and dad shakes his head. "You were meant to take half a pill, maybe a full one if it was really bad and certainly not on an empty stomach. Why would you take two?" "It hurt" I croak out and he shakes his head before leaning over and cuddling me tight. I clench my hands in the back of his shirt, clinging to him as I start to cry. "I'm sorry" I whisper and he whispers back "Shh, just don't ever do this to me again." When we pull apart dad gently strokes my hair back from my face and smiles weakly at me and I slowly reach up my hand to cup his cheek. "You look tired" I croak out and he nods saying "I've been watching over you the whole time I've been here, I was afraid if I slept you'd not be here when I woke up." "How long?" I ask and he says "Almost two days." "Oh" I say before something occurs to me. "Where's pa?" I ask and dad sighs before saying "He got really worked up so the doctor gave him something to calm him down and told Mikey to take him home for a while." I nod, feeling terrible that I put pa in that much stress and worry. I slide over when dad yawns and turn onto my side, ignoring the pain in my ribs and stomach as I pat the bed beside me and dad climbs up, laying down as I cuddle into his side, my head resting on his chest as his arm wraps around me and his hand strokes my hair as we both fall asleep together. The next time I wake up I'm incredibly warm, dad's arms still wrapped around me and my head buried in his neck. I slowly pull myself out of his neck and I see pa sitting on the chair bedside the bed. "Hey beautiful" he whispers as he leans over and gently cups my cheek in his hand. I sllide my hand up and rest it over his hand, sliding my fingers between his. "Daddy" I whisper and his thumb starts to gently stroke my cheek. "I love you" he whispers and I whisper back "Love you. I'm sorry." He shakes his head and smiles at me and I let my eyes drift shut again, just listening to dad's heart beat as we lay together, pa's hand still on my cheek. After a few minutes dad stirs and we both open our eyes, his arm tightening around me as he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead.

Three days later, after a few meetings with a psychiatrist who determines I'm not suicidal and don't need to be institutionalised I am released from hospital and allowed to go home. We spend one last day at Uncle Mikey's and I spend the whole day apologising to him for putting him through what I did and he cuddles me close and tells me it's ok before heading back to the city the next day. When we get home I lay down on my bed, feeling exhausted after the long trip home and I'm almost asleep when dad and pa come in, climbing into bed either side of me, cuddling me between them and I sigh in contentment, feeling warm and safe. "Baby girl, we love you so much and I know we've had problems recently but don't ever run away from us. Stay and talk, we just want to keep you safe." "I know and I'm sorry I did that to you guys but I just had to get out." Their arms tighten around me and I nuzzle my face into pa's neck, breathing in his familiar comforting scent. "About Matt" dad says behind me and I tense up and his hand gently strokes over my hip. "It's ok, I'm not gonna get mad but it's gonna be hard to get past this." "I think I need to talk to him" I say softly and I feel pa tense before relaxing again and he says "Ok, but not at his apartment."

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