You're Not In This Alone

After Matt saw my hickies we stood there staring at each other in silence for a few minutes before he came over and wrapped his arms around me, his face burying in my neck and I felt his lips gently brush against the marks on my neck as he whispered sorry. I felt incredibly uncomfortable, still naked and as I attempted to push him away he tried to kiss me again. I freaked out, pushing past him and running from the room, hastily pulling my clothes back on and running from the apartment to the sound of him shouting my name, tears streaming down my face. I run all the way home, shoving past people on the street, everyone staring at me as my clothes are all messed up due to my rush in getting redressed, my shoes left behind. When I reach our apartment building I let myself in and run down the hall, passing someone but I don't see who as the tears have blurred my vision badly and when I reach my room I throw myself on the bed, a full blown panic attack taking over at what I've done. I don't hear the door open but suddenly a warm hand touches my shoulder and I scream out of fright, my breath stopping for a few seconds. "Shh baby girl it's alright" I hear Pa say softly and I launch myself into his lap, burying my face in his neck, desperately wanting him to make it better like he always does. He holds me, gently stroking my back and letting me calm down before he softly says "What happened baby?" I shake my head, not wanting to tell him and his hand comes up to gently cup my cheek, stopping my shaking. "Baby you can tell me anything, just like always. Just take a deep breath." I try to get my breathing even when I spot dad in the doorway looking worried. "Rubes?" He says softly before walking in and sitting on the bed beside me and Pa. He reaches out and starts gently stroking my hair and says "Are you alright?" I shake my head again as a new wave of tears start to fall. Pa gently rocks me back and forth in his lap and I slide myself over to sit in dad's lap, curling against his chest, my legs resting on Pa's lap. "I fucked up daddy" I choke out into his neck and his arms tighten around me and he says "Rubes you need to tell me what happened." I shake my head and he says "Baby I can't help you if you don't talk to me." Pa gently rubs my legs comfortingly as he says "Baby you're scaring the shit out of me, please tell us what happened." "I had sex last night" I choke out and Pa's hands stop moving on my legs. "Did you get back together with your girlfriend?" Dad asks and I choke out "With Matt." The room falls silent for a few seconds, all soothing hand movements on me stilling. "Say that again" Dad says and his tone scares me. "We got high and I think I was drunk and he kissed me and...." I trail off, unable to continue as I keep crying. Dad stands up, lifting me off the bed with him before turning and calmly sitting me down beside Pa before walking from the room and we hear him scream
out "Fuck" as he runs down the hallway and the front door slams shut. Pa and I slowly turn our heads to look at each other before we both jump off the bed, running towards the front door, chasing after him, both of us worried about what he's going to do. I pull on my shoes near the door as we run out, both of us running down the street towards Matts apartment, Pa grabbing my hand. By the time we get there my tears have stopped and when we walk up to Matts door it's wide open and we can hear shouting coming from inside. "That's my baby girl" I hear dad shout as we walk in and see them on the floor in the living room, dad kneeling over Matt and driving his fist into his face, Matts nose bleeding. "Stop" I scream, running over and grabbing dads arm and trying to stop him hitting Matt again and he lashes out and punches me in the ribs, causing me to double over before falling to the floor, clutching my side as I feel pain rip through me. Matt uses the distraction to knock dad off him, throwing his own punches and I sit up, Pa rushing over to kneel beside me and see if I'm ok. "Stop" I yell out as loud as I can manage, not being able to get a full breath due to the searing pain in my
ribs. Pa gently touches my side and I scream out in pain at the pressure he's putting on my ribs and this is what stops the fight, both Matt and dad pulling apart and sliding over to kneel infront of me. "Ruby" Matt starts and dad snaps "Don't talk to her, don't even fucking look at her." "Dad stop" I whimper, trying to breathe as Pa keeps touching my side. "Frank I think her rib is broken" Pa says and his face pales. Both dad and Pa help me up off the floor, tears of pain falling down my face as any movement sends a new jolt of pain through me. We slowly walk from the apartment, dad shouting out "This isn't fucking over" at Matt and we make it down to the street, Pa hailing a cab and telling the driver to go to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor determines that my rib isn't quite broken but extremely bruised and he prescribes me pain killers and tells me to take it very easy for the next two to three weeks. Later that afternoon when we get home Pa helps me into my room and lays me down on the bed, laying beside me. "Ruby we need to talk about this. What the hell happened? Why were you smoking and drinking? You're sixteen, we don't allow you to do that." "Oh please, when you were in London dad and I got high together, get your head out of your ass." Pa looks at me shocked, anger crossing his face. "Don't you dare speak to me like that. I am your father." I roll my eyes and scoff at him, feeling angry at him that he's daring to lecture me. "I'm a good fucking dad to you Ruby but if you're gonna act like a pissy fucking two year old after everything we've done for you then you're on your own. I will not put up with you speaking to me like that when I am trying to help keep you safe." "I'm not a child, don't treat me like one." "Well don't fucking act like one. Getting stoned and drunk and having underaged sex with a man who is old enough to be your father, is that acting like an adult? I don't fucking think so. Ruby, you're a smart girl, why are you acting so stupid?" "Oh so I'm stupid now? Fuck you pa, like I don't feel bad enough already." Pa gets up off the bed, walking to the door before turning and saying "Fine Ruby, you're completely on your own, deal with it yourself," slamming the door shut on his way out. I lay on the bed, biting my trembling bottom lip and going over the events of last night in my head again before I get up, slowly changing my clothes ignoring the protest my side is trying to make at the movement and pull on shoes, grabbing my painkillers, bank card and phone off the beside table, throwing them into a bag with some clothes before slinging it over my shoulder and leaving the room and walking straight for the front door, not seeing dad or Pa on my way, slamming the front door shut as I leave.

Notes