Merci Pour Le Venin

"This is all your fault, ya know." I yell out into the empty air of my bed room, tears streaking down my red swollen eyes. The half of a bottle of cheap liquor rests comfortably in my grasp, making its way to my lips every so often to burn its way down my throat and to blur my mind from sanity even more. It's not his fault and I know it. Its my fault. It will always be my fault. But that doesn't ever stop anyone from finding other things to blame when things crash down.

"Well, I guess it isn't all your fault. It's my fault too. We sure did make a good pair, didn't we?" I take another large gulp, now feeling like a waterfall on the numbing throat. I sniffle, wiping my eyes with my one free hand, the one soon to be filled by my cold death machine. Whether it's self suicide or homicide, it would always be for death, it has no use otherwise.

"Both Suicidal, Both had manic Depression. Both have Bipolar Disorder, Both had Schizophrenia. Most said we Shouldn't even stand in the same room together from the mayhem that we easily cause. We were idiots to think this would ever work out in the way we always hoped. It was a foolish, childish, selfish wish. But it was selfish of both of us, towards the opposite. We basically killed each other, Didn't we?" I take another large gulp, wiping my mouth afterwards.

"I should have listened to my brother. We should have listened to the ones who ever cared, God I never did mean to hurt anyone." The cool lonely room seems to drop its temperature again and it gives my face the chills from hitting the streaks of water down my face. My hair is soaked from the storms outdoors, my clothing is just the same.

"I never meant to hurt you"My voice comes out weak and cracked. as I sit, wishing for the thing that will never come. His Voice. The response that died along with him, that's now just a corpse down in a hole that's 2 feet wide and 6 foot deep. I whimper slightly, tears begin falling again to cover the anger and agony that burns within me. My free hand brushes through the greasy, Unwashed, raven hair, slightly tugging upwards.

"I can't get those words out of my head. The last words you said to me. I'm sorry for doing what I did, I'm an ass." and like a movie, that night replayed in my head, just like every night this week.

I sit on my bed in the bedroom, comfortably shifting through channels when I hear the front door opening.

"Hey Gee, Ray called me to ask if we could ge-" He gets cut off short from some sort of distraction, I pay no mind to it, to distracted in what now courses through my veins and body. I rub my eyes from the invisible itch.

I see the bed room door swing open in a rough, angered fashion. He runs up to me, currently sitting on the bed, and slaps me harshly, making me fall to the ground. I pull myself up angrily, standing and towering over his shaken state. Hes shaking in anger, his eyes formed into a glare that has the added mixture of tears.

"Why'd You Do It?' He asks, not backing down from a strong stance.

"Do what?"

"Do this" He pulls out the box full of the addictive killer who sometimes seems to be my only friend. The needles shake along with his hand." You Promised me you were clean, Liar" I snatch the box from his inked hands, closing it and gripping it tightly to my chest.

"It doesn't involve you. Its my life, I can ruin it if I want to" He scoffs loudly.

"Doesn't involve me? Your My Husband, of course it involves me. I fucking love you, Gerard. And I thought you loved me too." He looks so broken, all I want is to hug him, but at the same time he looks so angry, I don't think he's ever been so angry with me before.

"Frank I do love you. With all my heart. Of course I love you." It wasn't said as sweetly as I wish now that it could have been. Maybe I could have saved him if I only said it sweeter.

"If you loved me you wouldn't go back to the thing that almost tore us apart" That snapped something inside of me. It tore me to the core.

"That wasn't just My fault and you know it. We both had our faults. You remember Zacky?" I yell angry at what he accused of me.

"Don't you dare bring him up. You know what he did." He poked a finger into my chest, pushing me back slightly every time he said you. You could see the fire raging in his eyes, You could see the pain in his eyes. We were so close to our okay and I had to fuck it up.

"Don't act like you weren't going to leave with him. I knew you were." I slam my hand into his face, forming a hand shaped red mark on his face that he now covers. He looks at me in shock, then soon studies my eyes and features, soon widening his eyes as he reaches out a shaky finger to under my nose, wiping away possible residue from the white powder I had snorted not too long ago. I flinch away from hand, the anger still present within me. I didn't feel bad it the time for hitting him. It didn't matter to me.

"A-Are You . . .On coke, Gee?"He asks timidly, almost scared of the answer that he already knows.

"What does it matter to you. You don't matter to me anyway." I feel like I could hear his heart break. I look away, not standing the pain that floats off of him. How has he dealt with me in these passing years. I'm the worst.

"You don't mean that"

"You don't know that" I say, keeping my gaze away from his face. I hear him sniffle sadly, And it just breaks my heart. But being the stubborn ass I am, I ignore it.

"You Don't Mean It! You can't mean it! You're supposed to love me and I'm supposed to love you! I thought that's how it's supposed to work! I thought we were demolition lovers, Gerard! Don't lie to me, please! I can't handle life without you." He grips onto me, begging me to admit the truth, but I look away again stubbornly. Angrily. Foolishly. I feel him let go of me, putting his hands to his face as tears rain out. I hear his sobs of pain and agony, not doing anything about it. And my only excuse Is that I was high on a mixture of Heroin and Cocaine, Letting it make a foolish model of me. A careless and heartless shell that goes away when sober.

"Merci pour Le Venin" He says, standing and walking out the door, grabbing the keys off of the hook. I look his way as he steps out, watching him walk out of my life forever. The Famous last words I will ever hear from My little Frankie are Thank you for the venom. I'm a sick human. I should have chased him. I should have called him. I should have stopped him. But I stood there, watching the door in hopes that it would open again, walking in with that cute childish smile and that pothead laugh.

"Fuck" I mutter, realizing what I've done. I'm such a tempered jerk. A tempered little fucker that just made the only one who helped me survive walk out the door thinking I hate him. I can't believe myself. So I did what I used to. Drown my sorrows in Liquor and pain.

It was soon around midnight when I got a call from an Officer.

"Hello?" I ask, my tongue slurring it.

"Is this Gerard Way?"I nod forgetting I'm on a phone for a second.

"Yes."

"You're under Frank Iero's Emergency contacts. We are very sorry to inform you that he was in a car crash While under the influence. He drove into a light stand and flipped. He Uh. . .He didn't make it. We are now studying it to see if this was a suicide. . ."By that point the phone was on the floor, and my heart had broken. He had killed himself. I know him, I know how he is. He committed suicide. It's my fault. I killed him. I let him die thinking no one loved him. It's all my fault.

Its all My fault. I can't believe I'm such a terrible person that I let the Love of my life kill himself.
I take another large sip before picking up the cold metallic death machine that many refer to as a gun. I lift it to my forehead, Prepared to shoot myself. The gun was sitting on top of the book of everything that's happened to him. He wrote it out for me to see years ago, when we had only known each other for a few months. I had kept it through the years, cherished it even.

"I hope you still care about me Franksie. And I hope you're willing to let me join you." I mutter it out in pain, still having tears leak out. I haven't been able to stop them. They never go away.

"I really do love you Frankie. I always will. I hope you knew that. I didn't mean to hit you, or tell you that you're unloved. Because you aren't. I will never stop loving you. Ever." I cock the gun, The slow scraping noise rings close to my ear. My hand begins shaking at the proximity between me and death.

"I can't live with the guilt. I'm insane. Your Famous last words are written over these walls, Written like mine are On a stupid piece of paper." My finger Is ready on the trigger, ready to take my final command and kill off the monster that Grows within me.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Frank. I know I'm burning in hell. But I still can't wait to get out of here and See you again."

"Je suis désolé pour le venin"

Notes