We Aren't So Different, You and Me

Wednesday came pretty quickly. I wasn't ready but I wanted it to get over with just as much.

I rolled out of bed and stretched, yawning softly. I pulled the towel off the rack once I was in the bathroom and started my shower, stripping down pretty quickly. I looked in the mirror and sighed, running my fingers over my skin. I didn't have any scars or anything, but I had thought about once or twice more than what I'd like to admit. I think my scars were more emotional at this point than anything.

Letting the water crash over me, I sighed again and let a few tears run down my cheeks. Soon, I was sobbing. And pretty loudly, too. It was kinda pathetic, to be honest. I was snapped out of it when I heard a knock at the door.

"Taylor? It's Lindsey. Is everything okay?" She sounded genuinely concerned, something my mother rarely showed.
"Y-Yeah," I stuttered. "Just got shampoo in my eyes..."
"Okay... Well Donna and I made breakfast for everyone. Come down when you're done, okay?"
"Okay..."

I shut the water off and started to get dry, only to realize I forgot my clothes in my room. Fuck.

I hissed out a breath before another knock on the door was let out. "Yeah?"
"Mommy said I should bring you your clothes." It was only Bandit, thank God.
"Oh.. Thanks..." I opened the door just enough to stick my hand out and felt the lace fabric of my dress and bra and panties. Soon I was dressed and I stumbled back to my room to apply my make up, just fitting for a funeral. I laced up my converse and headed down stairs to find Lindsey braiding Bandit's hair and everyone already dressed and up.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Donna sighed sadly, kissing my cheeks.
"Oh yeah. Burying my mother 6 feet underground sounds like a great morning, right?" I grumbled, still tired from lack of sleep.
"Well I made pancakes and eggs and some French toast, if you're hungry," she stated, changing the subject quickly. There was a knock at the door as soon as I sat down at the table next to Mikey.
"Taylor?" Donna called out.
"Yeah?"
"Your dad is here."
"He's not my dad, remember?" I snapped once Jace was in my vision sight.
"Taylor," he sighed. "Can we save the drama for another day?"
I rolled my eyes and sipped on my coffee. "Whatever, Jace."

I know it's been a little over 2 weeks since I found out but it still hurt like a bitch. The man who raised me wasn't even my father. My father was some rock star/comic artist/family man who didn't even know about me. But over the last few days, we'd actually gotten along pretty great. I'm not calling him Daddy or anything like that. I don't think I ever will, to be honest. I think what we have now is strictly a friendship of some fucked up sort.

We all finished breakfast and started to head out to the funeral. Lucky us, the church was only 2 blocks away from the house so we all just walked. I was really quiet, as was everyone else, but I was literally saying nothing. I kept my hands in my pockets and my head down, my earbuds jammed in and my volume turned all the way up. Between songs, I could hear Lindsey telling Bandit "no" and B's little complaints. Soon, I felt a tugging at my sleeve and looked down to see her little hand reaching for mine. I sighed and smiled sadly, taking her hand in mine. I took my earbuds out once we reached the doors of the church and started breathing heavily. Bandit rubbed the back of my hand with the palm of her hand that wasn't latched on to mine and smiled up at me. I looked down at her and let a single tear full of worry and sadness fall and she reached up at tried wiping it away.

"Don't cry," she whispered, kissing my fingertips. "She's an angel now, like Nana Helena."
I let out a sob and nodded, picking her up and hoisting her on my hip. I buried my face in her long brown hair and sighed, kissing her temple. I had barely known her yet in our short time together, I already viewed her as my little sister. Technically, she was, but you get the point.

We all sat down in the front of the congregation and were silent throughout the entire thing. I didn't even let out a single tear or sob. I just stared at the fucking coffin in front of me. I started to bounce my fingers on my knee out of nervousness and Gerard locked his fingers with mine, planting a kiss on my forehead.

"We'll go for a walk after this, okay, baby? Just us," he whispered.

I nodded and squeezed his fingers in return, my chest rising and falling quickly. Lindsey wrapped her fingers around my other hand too and let me rest my head on her shoulder, brushing my hair back from my face occasionally. It seemed like this funeral service was lasting forever. Call me insensitive but my mom wasn't exactly the ideal parent. What kind of parent takes their own life, not thinking about their child or anything like that? She left me.

***

When it was finally all over and done with, we all walked back to the house in silence. Don and Donna had to run to the store, Bandit was ready for her nap and Lindsey was too. Mikey was off to fly back to LA for some music shit or something like that and that just left Gerard and I to ourselves. He took my hand in his and we started to walk around town silently before he broke it.

"I understand if you don't wanna come out to California with us, Taylor," he started.
I looked over at him questioningly, but let him continue.
"But I think it'd be really great if you did."
"Aren't you always flying over to the UK though? I mean, are you every home?"
"I'm always home. I'm allowed to take "vacations" too, you know."
I shrugged, sighing. "I don't really know, Gerard. I have school in London to go back to in the fall and--"
"You can always go back if you want to, Taylor. I can pay your tuition."
"It's not that. I just.. School is the only thing that I have left. It teaches me everything from language arts to how to write a hit record."
"And you don't think having a cool rock star dad would help you make a hit record?"
"I wouldn't even think of using you as a way to make it into the industry, Gerard."
"Look," he paused to step in front of me. "All I'm saying is give me the summer. I can show you how I live and you can show me how you live. We can get to know each other like your mom wanted us to, yeah?"

I wanted to say yes and I wanted to say no. I like the idea of leaving London and starting in Los Angeles but it'd mean seeing him every single day. But I also like the idea of seeing him. I always kinda knew that Jace wasn't my dad but I couldn't bring myself to admit it to him nor myself. And here is my biological father, right in front of me, begging me to spend some time with him.

"Okay."

Notes