The Light Behind His Eyes

"I don't know man, what do you think? Should I tell him or not?" Alex groaned, "It's pretty damn stressful." I would tell him I'm going through the same thing, or that I can relate-but not with Frank sitting beside me. Frank said, "Do you even know if he's gay?"
Alex shrugged, "We've been best friends forever, yet I can't seem to get his sexuality figured out. He sends mixed signals, here and there."
God damn I can relate.
I replied, "Well, I think you should just ask him."
"What, no way!" Frank said, "You never ask someone their sexuality out of the blue. It's rude and disrespectful. I mean, what if they're straight? They'll get all offensive and say, "why in the hell would you think I was gay?"" Frank added, "Just figure things out slowly."
"But what if he wants to know right away?" I asked, obviously thinking of myself.
"The best things in life happen slowly."
What? No way! Are you saying Frank won't tell me how he feels for me until like, chapter 20? Fuck no, man.
Alex grinned, "What do you think our ship name would be?"
Frank and I looked at him, "What?" Our voices mixed together.
"You know, our names combined together? What about Ajlex? Ew, no." It was so weird hearing all of this. It was like Alex was me, Jack was Frank. Alex was the man in love, with Jack having no clue. It was like looking into a mirror.
Frank smiled, "Jalex."
"What-oh, I actually like that. Jalex." Alex smiled.

It was late. Once Frank and I gave our advice to Alex, we knew it was too late to open up the bookstore. Frank and I walked inside, "Well," I said, "After school tomorrow, we'll open up."
Frank tucked in his lips, "You don't want to skip school?" I looked at him. His face expression. I've seen it before. It was the same face expression he was giving when he cried on my chest after he beat up Stephan. Was it regret? Anger? Maybe a mixture of the two. I walked over to him, "Can I ask you something? it might be too personal..."
Frank sighed before sitting on one of the chairs, "What is it?"
"No, not here."
Frank looked at me, "Where then?"
"My apartment." No, I wasn't going to ask him if he was gay or attracted to me. I wanted to ask about why he had cried earlier. I told myself not to get involved in his personal life, but it bothered me too much. Strangely, (another mixed signal) he gave no hesitation to say yes about heading to my apartment. There was even a spark in his eye.
When we did step inside my apartment, he made himself at home. He kicked off his shoes and sat on the couch. I grabbed two mugs of coffee and handed him one as I sat next to him. He seemed to be enjoying himself. He looked relaxed. I smiled, "Like it here?"
Frank chuckled, "You're so fucking lucky to live by yourself...I wish I didn't have to go home." Oh, the old "trouble at home" cliché. I joked, "You could live here if you want."
Frank winked, "I'll consider that offer." He took a sip out of his mug, "So, what did you want to ask?"
I kept telling myself not to say the wrong thing. I didn't want him to run out of my apartment with a broken heart or the urge to punch me. I put my mug down onto the coffee table, "Well...after you beat up Stephan...you cried," I can already see him feeling uncomfortable. He was shifting on the couch, not making eye contact anymore. "Frank," I added, leaning into him, "I swear you can tell me anything."
Frank scoffed, "You think I'm just going to confess everything to you? You think I'm just going to tell you because you're the only one who actually cares about me? Listen here, no matter how many times we talk or laugh together, no matter how long we stay friends I will never tell you that I was abused...that my life turned upside down when my dad would come home, his breath reeking of alcohol...with hands hard as a rock, smashing against my face every night...his whip for the horses, turned to a whip for me..." His eyes watered, "My mother always told me, "just one more night, I promise honey"...one night turned to two, two nights turned into two weeks, two years...until finally he died in a car accident...finally he died..."
Frank was funny. Frank was sweet. Frank was broken.
I didn't give a single hesitation when I hugged him, and he gave no hesitation to hug me back. He cried on my shoulder, choking out a mixture of words full of hate, pity, and relief. He said, "I've been holding in all my anger and tears for so long that it finally came out on Stephan."
I faced him, pressed my forehead against his, "You're strong, Frankie." His eyes locked into mine, "Frankie, you're amazing, you're fucking admirable."
And that's when it happened.
My lips pressed against his, so many thoughts were piling in my head. So many. Love. Love was the main one-until he pulled away...it was more of an aggressive pull...like he wasn't enjoying it at all.

Notes