Troubled [Frerard]

Gerard sat at his desk, reading the same sentence over and over again. He couldn’t handle it anymore and shot up from his seat, his palm wiping his forehead. Most of the time, Gerard had his work cut out for him. A kid is going through some hormonal angst, and he helps them understand that although they are special and unique, there’s more to life than them and what they’re experiencing. He’d had to have written the same report on different kids over twenty times, but now he couldn’t focus. He slowly approached his desk drawer and cautiously pulled out his packet of cigarettes. He hadn’t touched them in days, and a soft coating of dust had laced the packaging. Even Gerard found it hypocritical that the person who often helped people with their addictions was just like his patients. His mother had always taught him though, if you can’t help yourself- help others. He pulled out just one cigarette and held it between his fingers.

He slid the packet into his waistcoat pocket and left his office. It was a short walk to the forest, and a thick layer of fog would conceal him from anyone who dared getting outside in the cold weather. He hid behind some trees, concealing himself even further and pulled his oh-so-firmiliar lighter from his back pocket. Placing the cigarette between his teeth, he set the end with the flame, feeling the smoke burn his throat. ‘Comfort.’ he told himself. ‘I do this for comfort.’

Minutes passed by before he snapped out of his daze upon hearing branches break followed by a “Shhh, you’ll get us caught.”. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and frowned as threw it to the ground, stomping on it. It seemed like such a waste.

He stepped out from behind the trees and became face to face with two boys. “Oh, hey.” Mikey said, fear flooding out of his face as he realised it was only his older brother and not a nun.

“What are you doing?” he asked his brother, before his eyes landed on none other than Frank Iero. “Frank.” he breathed. “I could ask you the same thing.” Mikey shot back. “But then again, I can smell it on you- so there’d be no point.” he added with a smug grin. “What are you doing?” he repeated, not bothering to conjure a comeback. “Same thing as you, actually.” Mikey responded, nodding to the discarded cigarette which was not so discretely lying dead on the ground. “Since when do you smoke?” Gerard asked, taken aback. “I haven’t. I’m about to lose my smoking virginity.” Mikey teased, nudging into Frank’s ribs. “I didn’t know you smoked, Frank.” Gerard stated. He was unimpressed with himself, usually by a few sessions in they would know if a patient smoked, drank, was sexually active, their habits and flaws. But Gerard realised in that moment, other than Frank’s file, he didn’t know much about the boy at all.

“I don’t. It’s not a thing I do. I’ve tried it a couple times, but…” he began, observing the forest floor. Frank became uncertain of why he felt the need to explain himself to someone he barely knew. “I do.” he finished, looking up at the doctor.

“Right, well it’s good to know at least one thing about you.” Gerard remarked, mostly to himself. “Anyway, Mikey- why would you want to smoke? You get disgusted when I do it.”

“That’s because you do it because you’re an addict.” Mikey chuckled, kicking at the dirt. “I’m doing it because I’m young, impressionable and ready to make mistakes.” he answered, regaining eye contact with his brother. Gerard poked his tongue at his cheek and sighed. Having a patient know that he was an addict himself, wasn’t something Gerard wanted on his credibility. “I’m not an addict, Mikey. You might end up like one though, so hand them over.” Gerard instructed, stretching his palm out to the boys. Neither of them reacted and he challenged them with pulling out his own packet, and slipping another stick between his lips. He didn’t light it, but the reaction from both of them was priceless. “I’ll make you a deal. If you hand them over now, i’ll only keep half of them.” he teased.

Frank sighed and pulled out his packet from his own back pocket, them slapped them into Gerard’s hand. “You’ll get the rest back at the end of the day.” he said- pretending not to be overwhelmed by the physical contact between them. “Don’t let me catch you again.” he warned, before exiting the forest.

“He is totally going to smoke all of them.” Mikey sighed, sitting himself on the stump in their spot. “Addict, I tell you.” he added. “Yeah, well if he doesn’t uphold his end of the bargain I think between us we have a few things we could use against him.” Frank chuckled. Mikey laughed as Frank sat on the other side of the stump. “I like you Frank.” Mikey spoke, nonchalant. “I like you too, Mikey.” Frank replied with a friendly smile, not that Mikey could see. “Do you though?” Mikey asked quietly, his voice cracking with insecurity. “Of course. Mikey, is there something wrong?” Frank asked timidly, not sure what exactly to say. “I mean, I don’t know. I like you, but I’m… would it be weird if I said I thought I was gay because of you?” Mikey stuttered nervously.

Frank fell silent, deep in thought. Minutes and minutes passed before Frank said anything. “I don’t care if you’re gay or straight.” he assured. “I guess it’s a compliment.” he added as an afterthought.

Mikey’s face fell into a foolish grin as he relaxed. “I thought I was totally straight right, I had a girlfriend and everything. Then it’s like, you walk into my classes and I find myself not thinking ‘damn I wanna look like that’ but ‘damn I’m glad he looks like that’. And then with my girlfriend- ex now, we would be making out or whatever and I’d think ‘That kid in my class is pretty hot’. I don’t know.” he rambled excitedly.

“You know, there’s a line which separates what I need to know and what you’re saying right now.” Frank laughed, standing up from the stump. “Both of you brothers are fucking weird, you know that?”

“I think Gerard likes you too.” Mikey said, falling serious again. The tension became as thick as the fog surrounding them as Frank felt his pulse being the only thing he could hear. “Yeah?” he squeaked. “He’s not like that normally.” Mikey explained slowly. “Like what?” Frank asked urgently, turning himself towards Mikey. “He’s not usually happy.” Mikey mumbled.

Frank found himself nodding, although he didn’t understand. He would have thought moving to a catholic boarding school- he would be surrounded by the most boring, normal people imaginable; but now he found himself in some soap opera television show that his mum used to watch.

“Well, I’m glad I can make at least two people happy.” he said, putting on a faux smile to mask what he was thinking. He wasn’t even sure what he was thinking. He didn’t think he had feelings for Gerard- but he felt a lot more electric when Mikey mentioned him. He bit his lip anxiously, knowing that even if he did have any remote feeling for the older brother, he couldn’t admit it to himself. It would be unfair to Mikey, seeing as he apparently had a crush.

“Hey, let’s sneak back to the dorms. I think I have a couple more packets stashed.” Frank said, extending a hand to Mikey to help him up.

-

Gerard had heard everything. He didn’t mean to, but he had forgotten to actually conceal the cigarette he threw out. The sisters did ground searches on the weekends, and if they found a cigarette a whole assembly would be conducted- assuming one of the students had smoked it. He couldn’t risk Frank getting into trouble for his irresponsibility, as messed up as it was.

Now however, he had heard a private conversation between his brother and his patient. He felt guilty and was just about to leave, when his name was brought up. If Frank had just said something, positive or negative- Gerard wouldn’t have found himself smoking another two cigarettes- this time even further into the forest. He made sure to properly dispose of them that time too. After that, all there was to do was to go and see his patients, and go and see Frank. Needless to say, the day dragged on and on.

Notes