Troubled [Frerard]

“Two-o-one, two-o-two… two-o-three.” Frank mumbled as he ventured down the hallway. He stopped outside the door which had a small ‘203’ sign. He heard the matron making her way down the hall, and didn’t feel like getting lectured about it almost being curfew, so he eagerly knocked on the door.

The door flew open and revealed Mikey Way. “Hey Frank.” he greeted. “My roommate is sleeping so we have to be quiet but come in.” he invited, moving aside for Frank to enter. “Thanks.” Frank mumbled, walking into the dorm. Expectedly, it was the same as his own. “So your brother works here?” he asked cautiously. Mikey gave him a curious glance and sat down on the edge of his bed. “Yeah, you know him then?”

“I was recommended to him.” Frank spoke, awkwardly leaning on Mikey’s desk. Mikey’s eyes widened in surprise. “What’d you do to get involved with him? Should have known you were too quiet to not be fucked up in the head.” Mikey chuckled, taking off one of his shoes. “I’m not fucked up in the head.” Frank mumbled, to which Mikey nodded his head. “I hit my roommate and apparently that’s enough to get me seeing a shrink.” Frank explained, picking at his fingernails. Mikey looked up to Frank, impressed. “You hit James?” Mikey laughed. Frank nodded and shrugged his shoulders, he would have thought that everyone in the school knew by now. All news was big news in a boarding school. “Wow. Guess he had it coming, eh?” Mikey added, taking his other shoe off. “Come sit.” Mikey offered, gesturing to the other side of the bed. Frank slowly approached the bed and tried not to misconceive the tension in the air. “Your brother and I don’t really get along.” Frank said, clearing the silence. “Gerard? He gets along with everyone. What do you mean?” Mikey asked, crossing his legs and sliding to the center of the bed. “He thinks I’m gay.” Frank mumbled, his eyes not leaving the dark olive green quilt cover. A smirk appeared on Mikey’s face and he grabbed a pillow from behind Frank to try and conceal it.

“He straight up told you he thinks you’re gay?” Mikey stifled his laugh. “No, but… I don’t know, he was going on about it being okay.” Frank sighed, confused as to why Mikey was now hugging a pillow. “Frank…” Mikey began, but couldn’t continue as he was interrupted by his roommate. “Both of you shut the fuck up or get out!” he shouted. Mikey shook his head, got up and made his way to the door. “I know somewhere we can go.” he smiled at Frank.

Mikey had lead Frank outside, by sneaking past the Sisters and guards. They were off the side of the school, surrounded by a forest of trees on either side. It was a very small clearing with a few boulders and dirt patches. “I used to take that girl you saw earlier today, my ex-girlfriend here. Not to make it weird or anything.” Mikey explained, climbing up one of the rocks and sitting on top of it. Frank just nodded, kicking at the dirt. “Yeah, as I was saying, when Gerard was talking about it being okay to like dudes and stuff, I don’t think he was talking about you.” Mikey smiled, feeling the laughter build in his chest again. “You mean…Gerard…” Frank stuttered, now feeling embarrassed about being so close minded earlier. “He is.” Mikey nodded, his grin growing even further. “Oh.” was all Frank had to say to trigger Mikey off into a fit of laughter, nearly falling off the boulder. With one hand steadying himself, and the other clutching his chest Mikey panted “How did you even miss it?”.

Frank stood once again, awkwardly waiting for Mikey to stop his howling. “You’re going to get us caught.” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “Oh God, I’m sorry.” Mikey said, stifling his laughter. “So you said you don’t get on well, are you homophobic or something?” Mikey asked, trying to sit up comfortably on his rock. “No,” Frank shook his head. “I just didn’t feel comfortable around him, not because he’s gay but because...I don’t know, it was weird.”. Mikey then nodded in understanding. “Ah, I knew it was impossible to not like Gerard.” he smiled. “What do you mean?” Frank asked, not comprehending. “Are you gay?” Mikey asked, resting his head on his palm. Frank genuinely thought about it before replying. “I don’t know.”

“Did you uh, handle your girlfriend?” Frank asked, deferring the subject. “Here? Maybe once or twice, why?” Mikey smirked. “Jesus Christ, I mean did you talk to her after you saw her?” Frank chuckled. “Yeah, told her to fuck off basically. She did.” Mikey sighed, studying his other hand. “I’m sorry.” Frank sympathised, tilting his head. “Nah, I should have seen it coming.” Mikey replied, running a hand through his hair. “Who was the guy?” Frank questioned. “Fuck if I know man, who cares.” Mikey chuckled, looking up to the sky.

The two stayed at the clearing for hours more before heading off to their own dorms. They exchanged goodbyes and wished each other good luck getting past the guards and Sisters.

The next day came quickly, and Frank woke exhausted- wishing he could spend the entire day in bed. Never the less, he dragged himself to his classes, but couldn’t bring himself to pay any attention. None of the professors noticed his glazed eyes though, but that didn’t stop the day going slowly. Frank dreaded going back to Gerard after his abrupt departure. He was embarrassed, it was the intimacy between them which forced him to shoot up from his seat. It was so foreign, and Frank couldn’t process it- nor handle it.

“Frank, you even awake?” Mikey chuckled, nudging Frank’s ribs with his elbow. “Tired is what I am.” he groaned, taking in his surroundings. Somehow, he had gotten into the cafeteria and it was lunch. “Why don’t you just go back to your dorm? No point going to class if you’re a zombie.” Mikey suggested. “I wish, but I’m just not rebellious enough.” Frank tried to laugh but it came out more of a pathetic whine. “Alright then. Anyway, want to meet me where we hung out last night again tonight?” Mikey invited, raising his eyebrow. “Probably, but I might pass out in session with your brother.” Frank tried cracking another joke. “Well I’d be flattered if you would.” Mikey smiled. “Flattered if I passed out on your brother?” Frank laughed. “That would be weird, so no. If you hung out with me despite having to go through being brain dead for another day.” Mikey clarified with an amused smirk crossing his arms on the table. “I’m brain dead all the time, so no worries.” Frank smiled. “Here’s to the self defeatist brain dead life!” Mikey cheered, raising his can of coca-cola in the air. “I’m going to have to ask you to not use big words.” Frank guffawed, bringing his can to a cheers with Mikey’s. “Oh the irony.” Mikey chorted.

Classes ended, and Frank reluctantly made his way to Gerard’s office. He knocked on the door and stood back, waiting for the doctor to appear. “Frank, come in.” he smiled, gesturing to the couch. “I’m sorry for leaving yesterday,” Frank began, his words coming out nervous and rushed. “Don’t worry about it.” Gerard dismissed, waving his hand. Frank took his seat on the couch and became aware of how tense he was. “How was your day?” Gerard asked, sitting in his own chair across from his patient. “It was okay.” Frank mumbled, his jaw stiff. “Make any friends?” Gerard added, sorting out his papers on his official-doctor clipboard, as Frank called it. “I spent the night with Mikey last night, I guess.” Frank confessed. “I can’t get in trouble for telling you that, right?” he questioned, nervous.

“That depends on how you spent the night.” Gerard answered, his eyes flicking up to Frank, alert. “Hypothetically, if we left campus and chilled out in the forest… would you have to tell someone?” Frank asked, making himself more nervous than he already was. “No, that’s fine.” Gerard stated, his eyes falling back on the papers. “Unless you were doing drugs- in which case…” Gerard sighed. “No, we weren’t.” Frank interrupted. He waited for Gerard sort out his things properly, and upon observation he saw drawings amongst the boring pages of writing. He thought about asking if he had done them, or a patient but decided that he would leave the questions to Gerard. “Sorry about that Frank, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night either.” Gerard smiled, pulling a pen from his waistcoat pocket and writing down some notes- obviously about Frank. “You don’t mind if I record some of the things you mention right? I haven’t got a great memory.” Gerard chuckled, still not looking up at his patient. “It’s okay.” Frank excused, understanding it was typical psychologist protocol to have an intimidating paper-pen feature.

“So you did make a friend!” Gerard smiled, continuing to jot down whatever he was writing. Frank nodded, not that Gerard would see. “If you don’t mind me asking, what have you got in common with Mikey?” he questioned, reviewing what he had written. “I don’t know.” Frank replied, getting frustrated with the obvious lack of eye contact. He could have sworn that the doctor was doing it on purpose. Finally, he looked up and Frank nearly got excited but of course the doctor wasn’t looking at him, but his eyes flicked towards the desk on the other side of the room. “What do you two talk about then?” he asked. A blush filled Frank’s face as he realised they mainly talked about Gerard. “Stuff.” he replied, thankful that Gerard wasn’t looking at him so that he wouldn’t notice the red lacing his cheeks. “Sounds interesting.” Gerard retorted jokingly. Frank stayed silent, waiting for the next question, but it never came.

“Is this bad timing, like do you have somewhere to be?” Frank finally asked, relieving the tension in his chest. “No, I’m just a bit disorganised today.” Gerard chuckled, still no eye contact. “I can see that.” Frank rolled his eyes and Gerard flicked through his papers for the third time. “We’ve had eye contact a total of two times the entire time I’ve been here, one when you opened the door, and the other when I mentioned Mikey, forgive my accusation but I’m beginning to think you’re the one avoiding me.” Frank spoke quickly, nervous for Gerard’s reaction. Gerard stopped his incessant moving and let out a long breath, then slowly looked up at Frank. “I’m sorry, is there something you wanted to talk about?” Gerard asked softly. Frank shrunk in his seat at Gerard’s compassion. “I don’t know why I’m here if you don’t have the time for me.” Frank whimpered. Sympathy filled Gerard’s eyes as a frown figured on his lips. “I do have time for you, and even if I didn’t- I would make time.” Gerard breathed. Frank nodded, his mind flustered and unable to form words. “So Frank, I’ve got people telling me you have anger issues, that you’re a delinquent and need to be psychoanalyzed.” Gerard sighed. “And I have people telling me you’re the most well behaved boy they’ve come across.” he added, placing his arm on the chair’s armrest. “From what I can tell you’re a bit of both, correct?” Gerard asked. Frank nodded, and felt a second blush coming to his face. “In the best way possible Frank, you’re complex. Which means you need me.” Gerard explained, leaning forward in his seat. “According to the headmaster anyway. And for me to do my job properly, I need you. So there’s a middle that we need to reach, and I apologise for not meeting that middle today.” Gerard sighed. Frank was lost for words, all he could think was how good Gerard was at apologising.

Gerard despite his calm physical disposition was just as nervous as Frank was walking in. He didn’t know how to look at Frank without losing his mind. He tried being professional, but for him to do his job he had to get personal. He had spent years studying where the line of intimacy between doctor and patient was, but Gerard genuinely found himself wanting to be with, and know everything about Frank. He could see Frank was blushing, which made his mind bubble over. In a way, he was envious of his brother.

“How late were you out last night?” Gerard asked. “Couldn’t have been earlier than three.” Frank confessed. Gerard felt a pang of jealously, but dismissed it. “So you spent hours and hours talking about ‘stuff’?” Gerard asked, forcing himself to laugh passively, like he didn’t mind it. “We talked about girls, and uh…” Frank began. Gerard felt another pang of jealousy, but it was followed by intense curiosity. “You came up in conversation a couple times too.” Frank finished, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah?” Gerard pressed his tongue to his cheek. “Yeah.” Frank confirmed. Gerard’s head was going crazy again, like he was a teenager with their crush.

Notes