Fake Your Death

A week had passed since we had told the Killjoys. A week had passed of the press banging on my front door trying to get me to talk. A week had passed of the phone ringing constantly. A week had passed of my lying on his side of the bed. A week had passed since the last time I kissed him.

Mikey had managed to convince me to come back home. At first I screamed at him saying it would be empty without him. But he said he’ll ask Frank and Ray to come round during the week. So far only Ray has. He said that Frank went back to New Jersey to get away from everything. No-one had heard from him since the 25th though. I was told that on Tuesday. Its Friday now. I pulled myself out of bed and trudged to the door. The hallway was lit up by the glaring morning sunshine, illuminating the many photos hung on the walls. I closed the door behind me and leaned back onto it staring at the photo in front of me. It was of Gerard and me throwing foam at each other at my mother’s wedding. Gerard was dressed in a black waistcoat, a white shirt and some skinny trousers. Nothing to fancy but formal enough for the wedding. At the time, he had black hair which captured the sun causing it to glow. His face was covered in foam which I had just smashed into his tiny face. I smiled at the memory; but it soon dropped.

My mother.

I hadn’t spoken to her since it happened. I rubbed my face with my hands and walked to the mirror hanging on one of the walls. I looked horrid. There were bags underneath my eyes that looked like they were going to drop off any moment now they were that heavy. My hair was tangled into a messy bun that drooped like an upset baby. And don’t get me started on my face. It was turning grey in some place; lacking colour. Not bearing to listen to my mind point out the negative parts of every inch of my body, I dragged myself into the kitchen.

The kitchen was too dark for my liking but I had to keep it like that to stop any nosy reporters taking photos. I knew they were still out there. Parked on the edge of the front garden, drinking their coffee while eating their donuts. Disgusting creatures. My eyes scanned the hollow room. Everywhere had started to collect dust due to my laziness. I stepped over the cat and made my way towards the fridge. Its cool breeze helped wake me up as I pulled out the milk. I proceed by grabbing the remains of some Lucky Charms and pouring them into a bowl with some milk. Peacefully I sat down at the counter, munching away at the cereal. I scanned the room again before stopping at the phone. My mind casted back to my mother. Without realising, I was at my computer, trying to Skype my mother. My mind skipped a beat when someone picked up after the third ring.
“Hello…Jade…is that you?” my mother aimlessly called out. I took a deep breath and plucked up the courage to speak. At first nothing came out, but soon enough, I managed to whisper a hello. I watched as a tear fell from my mother’s eye. I think she’s glad to see that I’m alive.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called recently. My mind was in a mess,” I said, starting off quiet but gradually getting louder. My mother sighed, doing that motherly smile.
“It’s okay sweetie. We were all just so worried about you. How are you sweetie?”
“I would be lying if I say I’m okay but I’m not. It’s bare in the house. I miss him.” I ducked my head down trying to hold back the tears.
“I know you do…I know you do. You are welcomed to fly back over anytime soon. There is always room for you to sleep here.”
“I’ll think about it. Maybe some time in the future. I don’t want to leave yet.”

Rain crashed down harder on the roof as another flash of lightning struck. I turned the channel yet again. Does every channel only show reality TV shows? What a bore. I settled on some How I Met Your Mother back-to-back episodes before retreating to my phone. I hadn’t been on it ever since I told the world. Anxiety built up as it turned on. Straight away, twitter notifications started popping up. Reluctantly I tapped on the twitter icon and went to mentions.
I swear my heart stop.

All the killjoys had sent lovely messages to me hoping I was okay. The back of my throat felt dry the more I read. I couldn’t help but smile while crying. Quickly, I started to write out a tweet thanking everyone for the support they had given. Carefully, I placed my phone down on the table in front of me. My eyes suddenly took their own control as I fell back down onto the sofa.

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“Jade, over here!!”
“Why did you take for ages to tell the world about Gerard’s death?”
“Have you caught the murderer?”
“Jade, can we buy you time just for a minute?”
“Jade, jade. Will you ever find someone new?”
“Jade!!”
“Jade”

“Jade, please wake up!” I shot my eyes open. Standing above me was a very tired looking Mikey. He sighed and moved away.
“Why are you here Mikey?” I asked, sitting up on the sofa.
“We’re here to see if you’re okay. When Ray came over last, he said you had shouted at him saying to never see you again. But after the tweet we saw last night, we decided we should come and see you,” he said, sitting down on the chair in front of me. My mind raced through who “we” could be. Please be Ray and not some strange girl Mikey met down at the pub. He had been spending quite a bit down there. My mind was set at ease when Ray walking through the living room door with three cups of tea.
“Why don’t you have coffee Jade?” Ray said, placing down the cups. I grabbed mine and began watching the warm liquid sway.
“It reminds me of him” I mumbled as I sipped the sweet tea. I caught out the corner of my eye Ray nodding as he followed with my action.
“When was the last time you went out Jade?” Mikey asked, breaking the silence. I stared at him before confidently replying with:
“Since we told them.” Mikey stared at me gob smacked.
“You have to get out soon. Why don’t you come to the beach with us tomorrow?”
“No. I’m happy to stay here,” I snapped back. Mikey looked at me with surprise while Ray leaned back into the chair.
“Jade. You can’t stay here forever! He’s gone, we get that. But you have to get back into life. Moping around won’t help. He’s not coming back.” Mikey shouted. His face looked like the backside of the monkey from the Lion King while his eyes looked like they were about to pop into Ray’s cup. I gave him a horrid look and shot up.
“You know what. It hasn’t been easy for me. Every night I get nightmares. There are people outside of my house everyday trying to get information. You don’t have to bare being in a house that was once full of happiness and music but is now a dark hollow hole. Every day I have to face an empty side the bed which still smells of him. It’s killing me!” I stopped to take a breath. Mikey was now in tears. He opened his mouth to say something but I quickly interrupted him.
“No Mikey. If you want me to go. I’ll go. I love it here…But why’d we have to stay? Hey?”
“Jade, please…” He whispered, looking at the floor.
“Just leave please.” I sternly said. He nodded and walked to the door, followed by a very confused but sad Ray. As soon as I heard the front door close, I collapsed back onto the sofa. I have to get away. I can’t stay here forever.

“Thanks Ray for bringing me. Tell Mikey I’m sorry.”
“Its okay. Have a good time in England.” Ray replied, pulling me into a hug. He gently kissed my cheek before getting back into his car. I waved at him before I turned to face the airport. As soon I was checked in, I walked the LAX halls, browsing now and again the shops. Getting board, I settled on sitting down in a Starbucks and wait until my flight was called. The cold ice smoothie felt nice in the heat as I bobbed along to the song I was listening to.

“Flight 182 to Heathrow, London is now boarding.”

I smiled with relief. England here I come. The plane boarding area was only a short walk away. As I was about to board, I turned to look back.

That’s when I saw him.

This time in full.

Notes