I always knew Gerard had secrets but not ones that involved my sister. All those times I’ve cried over the phone to her saying how I couldn’t take the stress of all his secrets and she knew all the time. Has everything I’ve cared about now a massive lie? Gerard is a lie, Tilly is a lie…Bandit was a lie. But I have to put these deceptions behind me as they are still people I love and care about. Right? My eyes gazed out of the filthy New York taxi window as the countless lights passed by. My mind turned into a young child as I tried to read every sign, look in every shop and catch every building. Everywhere was lit up, making you fail to recall it was the middle of the night outside its walls. I’ve forgotten how childish New York City can make you feel. It is truly the city that never sleeps. I snapped back into myself again when I heard Mikey chuckle.

“We’re here Jade.” He said as the taxi pulled up to a hotel that was located off any main road. It looked old and worn out. Just like the rest of the street. I reluctantly got out of the taxi and approach this vast building. The rest of the street was empty and dark; only being illuminated by the few lampposts dotted around. Mikey picked up our suitcases as we walked towards what looked like the gates of hell.

---

I scuffed my shoes kicking a stone as Mikey and I walked aimlessly down the streets of Brooklyn. Last night we had planned the places we were going to look but it was any man’s game seeing as we both didn’t know where the record shop was located. I tightened my grip on my bag as we walked down an alley way; staying close to Mikey as he led the way.
“I’m sorry” Mikey said as we reached the end, breaking the painful silence. I looked up from the map I was holding to look at him.
“What for?” I questioned.
“For pissing you off before you left. I shouldn’t have told you to get over his death because I can’t still. Even if he could be alive, I don’t think I could ever forgive him and I don’t think you can forgive either of us. When Ray told me that you’ve left, I felt so bad because Gerard told me that if anything happened to him, I had to look after you. Just the way you were reminded me of when Gerard used to be like that. I guess part of me is still angry about that” He said, trying to get my attention as I looked around the street. By the time he had started explaining, I had already zoned out.

“Mikey, just shut up and turn around. I’ve found it” I interrupted pointing to a dull shop behind him. It looked abandoned from the outside. The sign was half swinging off and the rubbish was piling up on the street. I walked past Mikey so I was standing in front of it.
“RECORDBREAKERS” I read. I looked at Mikey before pushing the dusty door and walking in. I was greeted by a loud bell and even louder music. The walls were lined hundreds of every CD possible. The desk was blocked from my view as there is a massive bookcase of CDs in front of me. I heard the bell on the door again as Mikey walked in.
“I’ll be out in a second!” someone called from the back. I felt a chill push down my spine as a New Jersey accent spoke. I could tell Mikey was just as nervous as I was.

“Look” he whispered, pointing to the ceiling. I stared up to see loads of My Chemical Romance posters decorating it. From Danger Days to The Black Parade. The memories flooded back which only made me more anxious and sick. Part of me was hoping that the voice hadn’t belonged to Gerard but the other side did. It was thirsty for an answer.

“How can I help you?” A voice called out making us both jump. A dark head man appeared from one of the shelves of CDs. He was wearing a checked shirt which was slightly undone at the top. On his feet, he wore a pair of messed up converses. His hair was a tad messed up and stubble began to shape his pale face. He stared at us in confusion. My eye caught his which made me scared.
“I’m sorry” he mouthed at me.

I replied by laughing. That’s all I could do. It’s a joke and I’m laughing about it. He’s sorry. Of course he is. He doesn’t look like the man I loved anymore. He looks like a stranger and this is the first time we’ve met. I shook my head at him. He could tell I’m angry because he’s scared.
“I’m sorry Jade” he repeated, this time talking. He tried to touch my shoulder but I instantly pulled away.
“Don’t you dare touch me” I shouted as I wrapped my arm around the other as though he had physically hurt me. I caught out of the corner of my eye Mikey backing slowly away. But it isn’t that simple.
“You do have any fucking clue what you have put everyone through. Do you know what hell you have brought onto this earth? Five months, five bloody months and all I got was a stupid hello in Covent Garden. You can’t do that Gerard. I have been in a mental state and still am because of this “little prank” you think is funny. Do you know what the worse bit has been, I thought you were dead. I couldn’t cope without you, ask Mikey and Frank. Especially Frank. He should be the one you should be saying sorry to!”

“I know” he muttered back, looking at the broken floor.

“What’s that? You know. Two of your best friends nearly died because of you. Yes, you’ve got that right, he started drinking and I started throwing myself away. If it wasn’t for your alcoholic friend, I wouldn’t be here and you would be sorry that you ever had the idea to think it would be okay to fake your death. Why? Can I ask or is that another one of your big secrets that you’ve wrapped my sister into?” I looked at him, he was now on the break of tears. Good.

“I…have…I can’t tell you” he slowly said. His silence and secretively annoyed me even more. How can the man I once thought I loved be like this?

“Bullshit Gerard. Bullshit. I did not travel over America for a no. You’ve given me enough pain to give me a ‘I can’t tell you’. Five months I’ve been sitting in the house, with only my thoughts to keep me company. You have ruined the Killjoys and you’ve ruined us. I thought I was done. So when you say ‘I can’t’, do you know how that makes me feel? No, because you haven’t been there. You haven’t felt the pain I have been through. Instead you have opened up a broken down record store and stalked me enough to scare me. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore because you have ruined me for the rest of my god damn life!” I looked at Mikey before storming out. I don’t know where I’m going but it’s going to be somewhere far away from that shop and from him.

“Jade, please wait!” Gerard called out from behind me, “I know where Tilly is.”

Notes

Please go and have a look at my new projject thingy called ONE SHOT WEDNESDAY.
http://www.mychemicalromancefanfiction.com/Story/55106/ONE-SHOT-WEDNESDAY/
Please submiit your stories so it will work. The instructions are all there. I just need your one shots now.

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Until next time
-Megan xx