Everything blinds him inside the hospital. Flashing lights flood his head, and his eyes hurt from adjusting to the sudden contrast that surrounds him. Everyone is in panic, making it harder for Gerard to concentrate on following the frenzied doctors into the surgery room. They bark orders at each other, different numbers and medical terms that Gerard prays are good in this situation. He doesn't have time to become disorientated by this new world, and only battles past the nurses and doctors. "Sir, you can't come in here," one of them tries to tell him, but Gerard doesn't care. He could have just murdered fuck - his soul mate? - Gerard doesn't even know if there is a technical term for this kind of bond. He pushes it from his mind, arguing with the authority before him.

"You don't understand," he pleads, desperation thick in his voice. "I need to see him - I just, if he dies i-it's my fault." But no matter how much he begs and attempts to reason with them, the doctors push him back and he's forced to wait in a blindingly white room.

It's calmer in here. For the first time in the last half hour, he has a chance to let his mind catch up with what is happening.

Colors.

They're everywhere - Mikey was right. It is beautiful, but today they are tragic. In a matter of minutes, everything could be washed out to gray and it'd be his fault. He looks up. The lights on the ceiling are a dim orange. When he looks back down, he can see red again. His hands. He has to avert his gaze, feeling guilt and terror attack him. For the better part of the next fifteen minutes, his eyes dart around the room, taking note of everything that is different. Not only is the world filled with color, but it is also filled with vibrance. It's brighter. It hurts Gerard's eyes, and he's not sure how he'll ever get used to the new stains that touch his vision.

When Mikey appears, Gerard chokes on a slight sob.

Mikey's eyes are green. Dark green. With brown, and gray and yellow. Hazel, as his mother had told him.

He's seeing his brother in a whole new light, and it's a strange and confusing experience. His hair is a filthy blonde, and the chain around his neck is gold. Gerard gapes at first, staring. Mikey notices that his brother is unsettled the moment he catches first sight of him and rushes over. He drops to his knees and takes Gerard's hands. "Gee," he says, his tone worried.

"Mikes," Gerard replies, captivated by the flushed pinks of Mikey's cheeks. "Mikes, I think I killed him."

Mikey shakes his head, squeezing Gerard's hands. "Don't think like that. We don't know what's happened, and it isn't your fault. Let's just wait, 'kay?"

It's hard, but Gerard nods. "'Kay."

He doesn't plan on telling Mikey that his shirt is blue. Gerard had subconsciously decided the minute he saw red that he wasn't going to speak a word of it. Not to Mikey, not to Ray. It'll be easier. Especially if this boy dies - then everything will go back to normal. Gerard will just have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.

But he can't. It's cliched and horrible to think - but Gerard can feel something strong towards this boy. He wouldn't call it love, more like responsibility. Hell, Gerard isn't even into guys. But it's still there. Some kind of twisted, sick, profound bond. He doesn't even know how old this kid is - eighteen at most? That's a five year age difference. He gulps, nervous and scared. Mikey doesn't say another word to him. They just sit side by side, Mikey keeping a firm grip on Gerard's shoulder. It looks like a comforting gesture, but it feels more as if Mikey is scared that if he lets go, his brother will run away. Like he's trying to slip out of yet just another problem.

He isn't going to do that. Gerard knows that it's wrong, and is fully aware that he has to sit this out. He's seeing fucking colors everywhere, so he knows he has to stay.

He wonders - what will this boy even think of him?

Gerard had ran him over. The potential of his death still hangs in the air, and surely he would hate Gerard for it. That's if he even survives. However, there is the bond; the sickeningly warm feeling building up in his stomach. That in itself means something, and Gerard isn't sure what he'll do when he sees him.

So, he breathes.

Gerard counts each inhale and exhale of his own lungs, his eyes closed as he tries to block any unwanted thoughts out. It's just a matter of time until either the colors fade away, or a doctor comes to inform them of good news. It's another twenty minutes until this is set into place.

"He's stable." Gerard and Mikey both glance up, breathing in synch as they await more details. The doctor seems uncomfortable, but he also looks somewhat relieved. "He's also conscious, but we'd prefer it if you waited until after some more tests before you visit him."

Gerard blinks. "What does... what does that mean? Tests? What tests?"

The doctor draws in a shaky breath, preparing his explanation. "We... believe he may be suffering from amnesia. The blow he took to his head was enough to give him major brain damage, but we think memory loss is the most he's dealing with. Luckily, this means that he'll mostly be fine. But we also believe that he won't be able to recover details of his life, and without any identity or any way of knowing who is or where he's from... it's going to be difficult deciding where he is sent."

Mikey and Gerard both find themselves reeling in discomfort from this new information. The oldest of the Way brothers is the first to speak. "How... bad is it? Does he remember anything? Anything at all...?"

"I'm afraid not. It's a complicated matter to discuss." The doctor moves forward to take a seat in front of them. Mikey moves out of the way slightly, but keeps his grip on Gerard in place. The doctor begins to continue. "When a person suffers amnesia, it can be long-term or short-term. In this boy's case, his brain scans indicate that it will be life long. In turn, this means he will likely never remember anything from before the accident other than brief snippets. Strong memories might break though, but only in tiny fragments. I assume you are familiar with how it affects things such as common knowledge, things they've learned?"

Gerard nods. The doctor is making it rather simple, and not over-complicating things. "They only lose memories, right? They know what cars and stuff are. Like, it leaves them with their factory settings?"

The doctor wears a solemn expression, and leans forwards slightly. "You're mostly correct, but this boy's case may be different. He doesn't understand some simple concepts - such as color. He acknowledges that he can see more than gray scale, but thinks that this is normal. He has no understanding whatsoever about the process of mating."

Mating, Gerard thinks. He makes it sound like they're nothing but apes.

Mikey clears his throat. "So, that must be something to work with, right? If he's bonded with someone, then surely that person is waiting for him. We could put him on a missing persons list, and wait for someone to give him an identity." Gerard feels shivers run down his spine, and he closes his eyes.

"Yes, you're right - but this boy should be able to identify the means of concept. It raises certain questions about his background and past."

"What are you trying to say?" Gerard squints, frowning in confusion.

A sigh falls from the doctor's lips. "It means he may not have ever learned about these things in the first place. At his age, he should have in depth knowledge, yet he knows none of it. We'll run more tests and keep you updated." He gives them both a wry smile before standing up, and walking back in the direction of the surgery room. Gerard falls back against his seat, eyes closed with exhaustion.

//

The drive home is silent.

Mikey knows that Gerard is hurting, and that his brother is being dragged through Hell and back. What he doesn't know, is the reason behind Gerard's constant squinting. Mikey doesn't even think about why his eyes are wary of bright lights, and why he keeps his gaze settled anywhere but the dried blood on his hands and shirt. He assumes it comes down the fact he just nearly killed a boy.

Neither of them speak, and Gerard only waves a hand of dismissal at his brother before heading down to his room. He needs to be alone - he needs to be able to think, dammit. The thought of nearly-killing his potential soul mate is something he can't just go to sleep and forget about. No, Gerard for one, is a masochist. He needs to spend time drowning in self pity and guilt. After some thought, he decides that the temptation of alcohol is something he might as well resist. He'd already been drunk once tonight, and that certainly didn't end well. Chewing his lip, Gerard thinks to himself that he might just never drink again.

Before letting himself fall feebly into bed, Gerard casts a quick glance at his sketchpad. It's lying open at his desk, the yellow of the dim lamp illuminating his art. He'd gotten what he wanted, right? Color. For his art.

Yet now he feels like it really is over-rated. If killing someone is the price, then Gerard would rather throw it all away and live his black and white days all over again. He falls asleep with this thought in his head, praying that somehow, everything works out.

//

Today he's back at the hospital. With no Mikey to accompany him, Gerard walks up the rain beaten path, and pushes a hand against the entrance. Outside was dull, but inside is a whole new world. However, he's seen it all before. It had been rushed and filled with the stench of blood, but today is less of a blur. Unsure of where to go, Gerard finds himself nervous, anxious to find out where the boy is being kept. He approaches the front desk, chewing his bottom lip.

"Sir?" A female nurse turns to him from behind the counter. "May I help you?"

Her eyes are brown and her hair is red. Gerard nods gingerly. "Ah, yeah. The amnesia patient? I'm... the ah, one who knocked him down."

She gives him a look of judgment, her eyes filled with disapproval. Gerard feels more guilt swim to his stomach. "Mr Way, right? If you'd just sign this, please." Her voice is dripping with distaste towards Gerard. She slides a clipboard towards him, a pen by it's side. Shaking, Gerard scribbles his name and signature down, before looking back up. "He's in Ward 4, room 12. Visiting hours end at 6:00 PM."

Gerard doesn't stick around to process anything other than the details of where the boy is staying. As he walks, his pulse deepens the closer he gets to the designated room. The bright walls around him begin to cave in, and he shakes his head trying to keep himself level. Fuck, he's never felt like this before. Not even with Lindsey. He thinks it's because he understands now. Before seeing red, Gerard had treated the idea of 'love at first sight' with little respect. He was only in for the art. However, he can feel something brewing inside his guts, making him feel like a love sick sixteen year old girl. It makes him feel disgusting. But at the same time, it's oh-so-pleasurable.

Thinking about it, Gerard has no idea what to expect when he walks in. Will it be like in the movies, where they take one look at each other then melt in an embrace? He cringes at the thought. Like the doctor had told him; this kid doesn't even understand things like 'color'. What if he's nothing but a drooling mess because of Gerard's reckless driving? What if he can't even speak? More guilt and panic attacks him as he finds the room.

Gerard mutters a brief, reassuring message to himself before stepping inside. Face taut and limbs stiff, Gerard's eyes settle on the small body sitting on the bed.

He's fucking tiny, is Gerard's initial thought. Not child-like, but short. His hair is a crazy black mess, cropped badly and sticking out from under his bandages. It's about an inch or so shorter than Gerard's, and much cleaner as it shines with a healthy vibrance under the light that floods through the window. Where his face shows evidence of his age, it also holds a kind of innocence. Renewed innocence. Big brown eyes and perfectly arched eyebrows, Gerard finds his lip twitching from the sight in front of him. Sure, his soul mate isn't a chick, but with a decent wig and some of his mom's make-up, Gerard is sure he could turn this guy into a babe.

Another highlight is that he doesn't appear to be a drooling mess. Instead of being vegetated, he talks animatedly to the nurse beside him, his face pulled into a confused frown. Gerard doesn't do anything but linger in the doorway, staring in wonder at the boy. It's only a matter of time until a nurse catches his eye, and taps her patient on the shoulder before pointing straight at Gerard. He gulps, feeling like the victim inside a bad romantic comedy. The nurse then murmurs something, and walks out of the room. The two boys are left staring at each other, both equally lost for words.

Gerard clears his throat. "I'm Gerard."

With a tilt of his head, the boy's eyebrows crease together slightly more. "My name is Frank."

A brief silence passes between them, before Gerard steps forwards. He lets out a small huff. "I thought you uh, had amnesia? You don't know your name?"

The boy - Frank - only stares, his eyes narrowed. "I saw a film last night about a man wearing a rabbit mask. He was called Frank. I liked Frank, and I like the name Frank. So I decided my name could also be Frank."

Gerard is left feeling slightly bewildered, but amused all the same. "Donnie Darko?" He lets his mouth pull into a small smile. "I love that film."

A quick change in subject swiftly follows. "So who are you, and what do you want?" Frank's face changes slightly, and his tone becomes one of warning. "Are you here to come tell me more about colors? Because I'm slightly tired of hearing about them."

He doesn't know that Gerard is the one who landed him in this place.

Shuffling closer, Gerard shakes his head. He glances at the bed and gestures towards it, silently asking Frank's permission to sit down. The younger boy just stares. Gerard closes his eyes and draws in another sharp breath. "Can I sit down?" he asks after another prolonged silence.

After gaining a stern nod of approval, Gerard flashes him a forced smile, before taking up the far end of the bed. "Are you here to teach me about colors?" Frank asks again, his voice thick with a serious underlining.

Gerard has to try and look anywhere but Frank's eyes, because fuck - are they chocolate. After losing himself for a small moment, he snaps back into reality with a means to answer Frank's question. "What? No. That sounds ridiculous - look, I'm Gerard."

"You already said that."

The older man feels a wave of impatience pass through him. "No," he starts, trying to explain what he means. "I'm Gerard. You know, the whole.... thing? Does it not mean anything to you? At all?" He's hopelessly stammering, tripping over his own words.

Frank shakes his head. "You're a patient here, aren't you?"

A blink of confusion, then Gerard frowns. "No, I - why would you think I'm a patient?" He sits back, attempting to figure out what this boy is trying to imply.

"I was... warned by a nurse earlier. Patients in this ward tend to wander around. She said they might be somewhat delusional." Frank is then staring at Gerard with earnest in his eyes. "You should probably return quickly. She said she'd give anyone she caught out of their room a good... spanking. Although I believe such a punishment to be illegal, that sounds painful."

If it had come from anyone else's mouth, Gerard would barely think twice about that comment. Something about Frank makes it seem ridiculous. Maybe it's his radiating purity, or the fact that he seems stone-faced, but he's about as innocent as a puppy. Either way, Gerard finds himself at a loss for words once again.

"Gerard."

Again, the older man is snapped back into reality by Frank's smooth, but fairly deep voice. Gerard raises his eyebrows, noticing that Frank has moved closer to him. Too close. "Uh, yes? No. Dude, I'm not a freaking patient. I'm a visitor, I came to see you."

Frank does the face that Gerard can feel himself getting used to. A mix of confusion and curiosity. A deep frown that knots his eyebrows together as his eyes peer up, big and warm. Brown. "Why would you want to come see me, Gerard?"

"Because I..." Gerard starts to speak, but realizes that he has no idea what he's supposed to respond with. It's not that he can just claim his undying love for the boy all of a sudden, demanding they get married. Frank doesn't understand what's happening.

But Gerard can feel it now. It's settling in. At first he'd been skeptical at the idea of seeing someone and just bending for them, but now he can feel it. But he can't have it. It's leaving him breathless, confused and terrified, and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to feel. Even worse, Gerard is having doubts about Frank feeling anything back.

He closes his eyes, trying to find a second of clarity before looking back at the raven haired boy. "I just... wanted to talk. I - Frank. Can we be friends?" Gerard gives him a smile in his attempt to further something in their relationship, and even extends his hand. Frank stares, clueless as ever.

"You want to be friends," he states, his voice dropping down a tone. "I think I'd like that, Gerard."

Hearing his own name roll from Frank's lips makes Gerard shudder, and he pushes his hand out slightly further. Frank looks down at it. Still staring, he pokes at Gerard's index finger then glances back up into his eyes. "You take it, Frank," Gerard tells him. "And you shake it."

With another tilt of his head, Frank continues to act confused. "Why would I shake your hand? I believe you said we were friends. Shaking hands is something of a formality."

Gerard rolls his eyes and grabs Frank's hand, before squeezing tightly. He decides to ignore Frank's confusion, and his head feels hazy all of a sudden. "Yeah," he breathes. "We're friends."

Notes

I SWEAR TO GOD FRANK IS NOT CAS NO I'M SORRY FRANK IS CAS FUCK THIS I LOVE CAS SO MUCH SCREAMS AND RUNS AROUND A LOT THEN BOOPS MISHA'S NOSE