I'll never let them hurt you, I promise

Gerard~~
i wish the bell would just ring, i've never wanted to hear that annoying loud noise as much as i do right now. i just want to leave this shitty place so i can take Frankie to therapy then finally go out and buy some fancy dress costumes. i'm super excited for Friday at Patrick's party, i love fancy dress parties you get one night to dress up and pretend to be someone your not and quite frankly id like to be anyone except me.
we have already decided that we should go after therapy because it will distract Frankie from what he and that Dr Parker talk about and will probably get him excited for tomorrow as well. Also Frankie's started talking again which i'm extremely happy about, he rang me about 11 last night and honestly i was so over the moon happy to hear his voice. i've missed his voice far too much. he told me that he wanted to start talking again and that he wanted me to be the first person he talks to and he also sad he was going to try and make his therapy work instead of wasting his and Dr parker's time and his mothers money which is great. i love how he's trying to do what's best for everyone but also keeping himself happy.
when the stupid bell finally rings i jump up from my seat quickly slid my jacket back on and practically run out the door. i meet frank at the school gates like we planned and start walking towards the psychiatry. as we do i grab my packet of cigarettes and light one placing it between my lips and taking a long drag before exhaling almost immediately, im all giddy and excited to find a costume but as i look down at Frankie i notice the frown on his face. i swap the cigarette into my other hand and use my now free hand to reach down and latch my fingers to Frankie inter-winding until we're holding hands, he looks up to me quickly and smiles almost immediately
"your beautiful" i whisper watching as a small blush creeps across his face, i know he's about to argue my point and tell me that's he's not which is completely stupid so i shut him up by pressing the cigarette to his lips. he takes it between his fingers and takes drag, i watch him intensely as he holds the smoke for a dangerously long time before exhaling slowly. honestly it's quite sexy, i don't know how smoking can be sexy but obviously frank had to make it happen. after a few more drags he hands me it a back and i smile as i take a drag feeling the dampness from his lips and the sweet taste he's left behind. i quickly finish it before throwing it to the ground, i don't know why we're walking in silence but it's not awkward like before it's more comfortable.
when we finally reach the big building which seem to look down on you intimidatingly i squeeze Frankie's hand a little tighter before looking down at him
"your going to try right?"
and he just nods his head before walking into the building dragging me inside behind him
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frank~~
as my names called i realise i'm actually going to have to leave Gerard now and even though i know he will wait and will be here as soon as i get out i don't want to leave him. i think it's silly because at school we leave each other all the time to go to lessons however this feels different, i don't like it here, i don't feel safe and pulling me away from Gerard makes my heart beat faster with panic. i know im not in danger i know these people only want to help me but i can never seem to loose the uneasy feeling this place gives me and well frankly Gerard's the only one who makes me feel a little more safe and a little less lonelier in this place. he makes me feel normal i suppose.
i sit on the sofa just like on Monday as the doctor sits on the chair opposite me he hasn't said anything yet not even an "hello" which just makes me even more nervous and i feel my stomach stir little with butterfly. i'm probably going to get told off for running away last week and i honestly cant be bother with punishments or shouting or anything for that matter so i watch intensely as the doctor shuffles round on his chair preparing his papers and pen.
"hello frank" his voice is sudden and louder then what i expected scaring me in my nervous state slightly as the words bounce and echo off the walls
"hello Parker" i say after a minute trying to sound just as intimidating as he does however he just laughs at me
"you can call me tom" he says after a moment "or Thomas but i normally go by tom" i smile as he speak realising he's treating me more like a friend and less like a patient
"ok i will tom" i say slouching back into the sofa sightly
there a moment of silent while the doctor re read some notes
"right ok frank, first question your not going to walk out me again are you?" his face peers up from the notes to look me dead in the eyes and i quickly shake my head indicating i wont leave until i am allowed not because i don't want to leave as i never wanted to be here in the first place but because i told Gerard i would try and i know it would hurt him if i gave up now.
"so" tom says suddenly again braking me from my thoughts and i just look up at him to see his eyes slowly looking over my body then back up to my face i just glare a him waiting for him to continue his sentence
"is that your boyfriend outside?" i look a him confused, what has Gerard got to do with any of this?
"yeah" i say after a minute "his name's Gerard" i say watching for his reaction
"oh" he says which is not the reaction i was hoping for, i at least thought he would be happy for me
"what?" i ask feeling uneasy once again
"the thing is frank" he says before pausing and taking a deep breath "it's great that your finally making friends and everything but.." i really wish he would just get to his point because the pauses seem to be getting more intense
"well you haven't really talked to anyone let alone start a relationship with anyone since josh"
he did it, he really did it. why did he have to bring josh up. right then is when i realises as soon as the name is spoke he seems to just appear in the corner of the room behind the doctor standing as if he's been there all along waiting for me to notice him.
"don't speak about him" i whisper the words coming out uneasy
"Gerard or josh?" he asks seriously
"please don't make me talk about josh" i say dropping my head as i can feel josh's glare on me my words suddenly sound sad and crackly as if i might cry
"ok frank, it's just tha..."
"please may i leave?" as soon as the question leaves my mouth i think the doctor will make me stay in that stupid room with josh's stupid smug face and i will have to argue and will probably storm out which will upset Gerard. i don't think this will go well.
however to my surprise tom just look up at me concern on his face as i suddenly feel a tear starting to roll down my cheek
"ok frank, you can leave" i'm surprised by the words. honestly i think he just feels sorry for me.
"don't be late on Monday" he says before walking over to the door and opening it for me.
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Gerard~~
this can't be right, why is frank walking towards me head down, tears rolling down his face not more then twenty minutes after he walked away from me. he cant of left, he promised to try however his appointments are suppose to be an hour long. i quickly stand up out my seat and meet him half way down he hall way instantly opening my arms to hug him but he sudden falls against my body his head banging against my chest almost knocking me over but some how i mange to catch him and not fall over. i wrap my arm around him tightly holing him up against my body letting him sob into my shirt while i hush him. i glance upwards to the door which Frankie just walked out of only to see a concerned doctor shooting me a caring hopeful look. i try to ignore him and concentrate on my sobbing boyfriend
"shush Frankie baby,don't cry, what's wrong?" i say quietly running one hand through his hair before beginning to walk towards he door thinking maybe some fresh air will help. once i get him outside i sit on a low wall and sit him next to me still holding him tightly close to me not wanting to let go until he calms down. we sit for a few more minutes before his tears stop and his breathing slows down. i stoke my hands over his back as i hold him drawing invisible pattern over his shirt as he clutching his arms around my waist as if his life depends on it.
"come on Frankie tell me" i whisper into his hair as ruffle my nose through the thick black lock
"are you ok baby? tell me please" i start panicking slightly wondering if the silent treatment will begin again but after a few moments Frank pulls away from me only to show his red eye and puffy tear stained cheeks. i reach my hands up and run both thumbs gently under his eyes to dry what's left of the tears. he's so tragically beautiful it brakes my heart to see him so upset.
we sit for a while just staring into each others eyes my hands still holding his cheeks befre he finally speaks
"lets go find some costumes"

Notes

another filler sorrryyyyy
longer better cha next i swear