I'll never let them hurt you, I promise

frank~~
we both must have fell asleep because when awoke again for the second time today i was laid in Gerard bed with my head on his chest and my arm wrapped around his lower stomach. honestly i cant believe what's happened, i don't have a clue where i stand with Gerard now, i thought he hated me but apparently not.
he stirs in his sleep a little and i clutch him tighter as his sweaty body try's to escape my arm, he's not getting away that easy. i move my head from his chest and back onto the pillow but close enough so i can ruffle my nose in his hair, he smells of sweat but yet sweet still with that hint of coffee. ummmm coffee the one think which could make this whole day better. i close my eyes for a second wondering if it's worth trying to go back to sleep, i don't know what time it is but its Saturday right that means i have anything important to do. i let my eyes shut as i inch my face further into Gerard's neck running my lips up and down the soft skin not kissing just sliding by to feel the friction. He stirs again but this time he turns over so his back is now facing me, i groan at the quick sharp movement as he pulls away from my touch but as he lays on his side i just shuffle close to him and spoon him. i'm never normally the big spoon probably because of my shortness but i don't exactly have a choice here and i don't want to stop cuddling, his body's to warm to let go of.
i wrap my arm around his side and over his stomach and pull myself tightly against him as i lay the side of my face against the top of his back in-between his shoulders. i hum to myself at the little dance my heart does every time i remind myself that im in bed spooning Gerard way.
my eyes slowly close again but i don't seem to fall asleep it's just like im waiting. waiting for him to awake also but i wont do it, i just wait for him to wake himself.
After what seems like forever he stirs but this time wakes up reaching his arms out in front of him and stretching them before giggling slightly while running his fingertips softly over my arm with is still cuddling him tightly. he flips over so we're facing but i keep my arm around him.
"morning" he whispers in a still sleepy voice
"finally" i reply and watch as he looks confused "i've been awake forever" i say smiling before giggling slightly
"oh im sorry" he say letting a smirk grow across his lips "i was a little exhausted after" but i cut him off before he can even speak any words of last night
"can i use your shower?" i ask
"of course" he answers "but you'l have to use the one upstairs" he tells me
"that's fine with me" i whisper staring into the hazel ors which are running over my face. i don't realise we're both still naked until i feel Gerard picking the cover off of our bodies and holding it over his shoulders like a cape before sitting up to straddle my hips. he lets the blanket fall on his shoulders and it dangles on either side of my head, he smiles widely down at me
"your so beautiful Frankie" he whispers as his eyes roll over my chest then stomach then back up to my eyes. i feel my cheeks flush with warmth and probably tinting red. i push an am out and nudge him playfully.
"your the beautiful one" i whisper back holding my palm up flatly on his chest.
"no Frankie" he says quite demanding "and dot even argue" he says before leaning down and pushing his lips against mine to stop the words i was about to speak. although i really wanted to argue and tell him that he's much better looking i let him off for cutting me off and kiss him back. it's not a sexual lust driven kiss, its a passionately loving closed mouth kiss. i wrap arms around his back and hold him in a hug for a few minutes before sighing
"i really need a shower"
he climbs off me slowly and lays down on the bed next to me taking the covers with him and cocooning himself in the white sheets leaving me to lay there naked, the cool air soothing over my skin.
"fuck" i moan as i start to peal myself off of the bed and climb out onto the floor before walking around to Gerard side to pick up my clothes i feel a sneaky hand poke out the covers and slap my bare butt, i turn around quickly but Gerard's hiden himself in all the covers. and i just groan at him before pulling on yesterdays dirty boxers and the grey sweats Gerard is borrowing me. i pick up the shirt i never attempted to try on last night and head up out of the bedroom, looking back once to see Gerard's crazy back hair sticking up out of the sheets.

as i make my way to the bathroom i take a glance up at the clock it 11 in the morning which isn't as late as i thought it was, i quickly run up the stairs with the top in my hands. i reach the bathroom door and attempt to push it open but it's locked
"one minute" i hear a recognisable voice. fuck it's mikey
i quickly feel the panic start to raise in my chest, he's going to be so shocked to see me here, like what do i say "oh yeah i just had sex with your brother" oh god he's going to hate me i need an excuse quick.
the bathroom door opens slowly and mikey begins to talk
"Gerard i wouldn't go in th..."
he stops the words as he turns his head to see me instead of his brother and i have this mental picture in my head that he's just going to scream in my face hit me and tell me never to speak to him again. however instead he starts laughing
"hahahahahha sorry frank, i thought you was Gerard. i still wouldn't go in there just yet if i was you" my lips curve into a smile at his joke and he walks past me out the bathroom i start to feel the pressure lift of my shoulder as he doesn't seem to be curious and i reach my arm out to open the bathroom door again but im interrupted.
"so anyway, what you doing here?" he asks scanning me and noticing the shirt in my grip
"soo ummm. last night... ummmmmm. igotprettyfuckedup" i start stuttering but then my words quicken almost to fast or the human ear to understand what im saying "andGerardsaidicouldstayhere" i take a sharp breath "somymumwouldn'tgocraywithme" i suppose the answer is partly true i was fucked up and Gerard did let me sleep the night however i decided to skip the sex part.
"oh okay" he says before starting to walk down the hallways to the stairs "so since your here, we hanging out today?" he asks turning around to face me before walking down the staircase
"umm yeah sure" i whisper as he walks off downstairs as if he doesn't have care in the word and with that climb into the shower and get washed.
After a good ten minutes under the warm water i get out and quickly dry my body over with the towel and then run it through my hair. i start to get dressed, picking up my boxers i realise how dirty they really are i mean ive just got a shower and washed my body and everything i really don't want to put them back on. i decide against wearing them and slip straight into the sweats without underwear. Gerard's probably not gong to like that but you know tough. i throw the boxers onto a laundry pile before throwing the shirt on and heading back down stairs. i pass the kitchen and see mikey sat and table with some cereal watching tv i don't bother talking to him and just continue to walk straight past him and back into Gerard's room.
i shut the door behind me before running my hand through my still slightly damp hair only to see Gerard still laid in bed. i run over and pounce on him make him jump up in fright from his sleep.
"GET UP!" i shout as he wipes his eyes to tyr and wake himself up a bit more. as he sits up and presses his back against the head bored i sit opposite him crossing my legs as i do.
"Gerard can i ask you something" i say biting my lip ring nervously
"sure Frankie, anything" he answers brushing his messy fringe out of his eyes to lock his gaze with mine.
"Jaylin isn't your girlfriend is she?" i know the words are a mistake as soon as they leave my mouth because Gerard starts laughing hysterically but i just shoot him my serious look
"of course not Frankie, one i think it's obvious im not into girls and two i think it's obvious im into you" i feel my cheeks blush an extreme colour of red as he says those words.
"im into you too" i whisper letting my head dangle a little as i feel embarrassed however i soon feel strong arms wrap around my frame disturbing me from my thoughts and dragging me down into the bed. Gerard lays me down on top of him with my head in his chest as he strokes my hair lovingly.
"can i ask you something Frankie?" he whispers almost silently
"of course" i whisper back tilting my head slightly to look up at his face
"yesterday at bob's, i found you outside" i know what's coming and i don't want to answer "you was alone Frankie but you we're talking to someone" i cringe as the words leave his mouth
"i don't want to talk about it" i whisper snuggling my face into his chest
"i do" he says back twirling my freshly washed hair in between his fingers i just tut not wanting Gerard to think im crazy
"if i tell you, it will make you hate me" i say wrapping my arm around his stomach and hugging him tightly
"trust me Frankie, nothing could make me hate you" he says comfortingly
"ok, well..." i pause for a minute thinking how i should word my thoughts "ok ill just tell you" i take a deep shaky breath "Gerard two years and 4 months ago my best friend who was also my boyfriend died" i feel his arms instantly clutch around me tighter "he committed suicide" i continue feeling the tears beginning to pool in my eyes
"aand well, since his death" my voice becomes even more shaky as i try to tell Gerard i've never told anyone this and im scared of his reaction
"don't worry baby, you can tell me, your safe here"
a smile try's to brake thought my scared emotionless face as he coo's in my ear
"well he never really left" i say feeling the tears beginning to fall down my cheek
i feel Gerard's hand pull me up closer to his face so my tear stained cheeks can bury into the crook of his neck
"its ok baby, you don't have to tell me any more" he whispers but i don't want to stop, i want him to know everything
"but it's not just josh" i stutter "sometimes other people come to me. like my grandma" my crying becomes violent now as i think back to the horrible memories "i cant see the dead" i whisper hoping he didn't hear that part but unfortunately he did
"Frankie its ok, i'll never let them hurt you, i promise"
the words instantly start to calm me as i look up through blood shot eyes to see a loving concerned look on his face
"it's just not fair" i whisper "its not fair that i can see them"

Notes

oh god, frankie finally told someone
shits abut to get real