Gerard~~ my mind is running wild with these thoughts which i cannot find an answer to: why did i kiss Frankie? why did he kiss me back? why was he late to music? why didn't he sit with me and mikey? why was he speaking to bob? why was he smiling like a mad man once bob left? i know most of these thoughts don't concern my input however they wont seem to leave me alone, their bugging me trying to persuade me to find the answers. Although i know i should leave Frankie alone if he wants, i cant seem to stay away from him. i'm attracted to him and i don't mean just by look (although i am attracted to his beauty, a lot) it's not just that, his whole aura seems to be lurking me closer to him. im attracted to his everything. And now that i've seen him talking to that bob Bryar i cant help but feel the jealousy bubbling upside me waiting for me to explode. the scene of bob almost blushing as he talks to Frankie and the genuine happy smile which was plastered across Frankie's lips as if bob just asked him out on a date. my chest pounds hard and fast as if my heart is about to brake out of it and run away to somewhere much less heartbreaking but all i can do is sit here from the other side of the classroom and watch. torture. Frank~~ ****FRIDAY NIGHT*** i glance in the mirror checking my make up before leaving making sure the red eye shadow and back eye liner isn't to much. i run my hand through my knotty hair before looking down my body at my outfit, black skinny jeans with a number of rips up both legs showing a fair amount of skin my black button up shirt which is red on the inside which you can see from my loose collar and turned up sleeves. along with my converse and the leather jacket im carrying in my hand in case i get cold later. looking back up at the mirror i finally think i look acceptable, slide my phone into my back pocket and head out the door toward bob's house. luckily bob only lives a short walk away and not an hour bus journey, funny enough he also lives in the forest covered country side like me and mikey. shit mikey. i feel bad for him, he's been trying to talk to me all week but i've kept up with my silence only nodding or shaking my head when being asked questions. i can tell my mums pondering on the thought of more therapy but she may as well dismiss the though as i WILL NOT go anyway. I also feel bad because mikey invited me around again this weekend, however i don't know why because im not much fun i sit looking depressed playing with my hair or the hem of my shirt in silence. i guess he just wants a friend. and however i find myself walking over to bob fucking bryra's house to a fucking house party. what is wrong with me i have never been to a house party before so have no clue what to expect. honestly im shitting myself. thinking about it if i went to mikey's instead of here i could have seen Gerard, he a beautiful site. although he doesn't try to make conversation or even eye contact with me so i guess there would be no point anyway. i bet he's just regretting the whole kiss thing and is trying to forget about me like every body else in my life. great. i soon reach the house where the music is booming and the lights are bright in every room, i guess this is it. before i walk in i promise to myself that i need to try to make friends, have fun and talk. my silence can continue tomorrow. as soon as i step into the house im greeted with the smell of sweaty teenagers, cigarette smoke and strong, very strong alcohol. shit was i suppose to bring alcohol, i didn't. i don't really drink i've only even drank in my life 3 times and only been drunk once. just as im remembering back on that one drunken time i find bob in the kitchen surrounded by the same friends from the music classroom. he see's me instantly and his eyes seem to budge out his head before he stumbles up away from the counter top and over towards me. am i late or something everyone here already seems to be drunk or passed out. "hey frank" he says loudly over the music "hi" i say realising my voice is far to quite to be heard although i think it was obvious to what i said. "you actually came, i though you bailed on me frank i was getting worried" i smile at bobs words as he leans into my ear so i can hear them "no im here" i say a little louder so he can hear, gesturing to my body with my hands to prove them im here with him in the room laughing a little as i do. bob giggles along with me for a minute before "you look good frank" i don't answer but i feel my cheeks heat up a little and im probably blushing "want a drink" he continues pointing to the drink cooler and i just nod my head in response. he grabs my wrist and pulls me over to it grabbing me a beer opening it and handing it to me "thanks" i say taking the bottle from his hand before taking a long drink from it, im honestly quite thirty from the walk over here. After about 4 or 5 more bottles of beer i find myself stumbling through the crowds of people to find the back door. god i need some fresh air. my heads pounding to the rhythm of the way too loud music and my vision is starting to blur making me fall into everything and everyone as i walk through the kitchen. finally i reach the door and walk outside into the extremely freshening cool air. "aaarrr" i mumble to myself enjoying the pleasure of some fresh air for the first time tonight. i walk forwards a few steps but soon find myself stumbling backwards again but to my right a little and soon my back hits the cold brick wall. the half empty bottle in my hand brashes against the wall making a loud noise but lucking not smashing and with that i pull it to my lips and finish it of before throwing it over the fence and into the neighbouring forests. i slide my back down the hard uncomfortable wall and side down so im sat on the floor leaning against it. i don't feel like going back inside just yet so i sit there scanning the empty garden before fishing the packet of cigarettes out my pocket along with my yellow lighter. i take one cig out and place it between my alcohol damp lips before bringing the bright flame up close to it and lighting it. i take a long cancerous drag on it an hold the toxic smoke in my lungs for as long as possible before breathing it out with a few coughs. god that's good, smoking when your drunk is always better then smoking when your sober. i tap the bottom and the top falls off onto the floor next to me and i watch intensely as it turns to ash then blows away with the wind. "what's so interesting" a voice says close to my left ear making me jump completely out my skin. i slowly turn my head to see josh sat next to me smirking like a little school girl. "what are you doing here josh?" i ask completely forgetting about my silence towards him "oh, your speaking now?" he asks and with that i ignore him taking another drag from the cigarette. "your shouldn't smoke Frankie" his voice has lowered and i can hardly hear him over the music coming from inside the house "josh, don't tell me what to do" i say smoking the cigarette as quickly as i can before stubbing it out under my converse then opening the packet taking another one and lighting it up. smoking slowly this time mostly to piss josh off. "them things will kill you" he whispers sounding upset "i hope so" i mumble tilting my head against the wall to look up at the dark start covered sky exhaling the black thick smoke from out of my lungs before looking back at josh. "leave me alone" i whisper giving him my serious look "no Frankie, i cant do that, you know i cant" i snap. i don't know if its the alcohol or just pure emotions but my brain reminds me of all the shit josh has put me through and i snap. i stand up quickly throwing the cigarette to the floor with stomping it out and pointing my index finger down towards josh. "you know what josh! you can just fuck off. you fucking ruined my life. everything's shit because of you. i sick of you. i sick of your face. leave me the fuck alone" and with that i straighten my body and start to march off but im instantly paused in my steps. "Frankie?" my eyes widen at the change in voice and i realise Gerard is stood with his back pressed against the door as if he had just came out side. hopefully he didn't see mine and josh's little argument "who are you talking to Frankie?" shit he did see. fuck i need an excuse. if i don't think of something quickly he's going to think im crazy "Frankie?" he repeats his voice and facial expressions changing as if he's scared of me. fuck "ummm. ge.. gerard. what aree you dooing here" i say hoping he will let my craziness slip and we can change the subject and talk about something else. "Frankie, your out here alone, you know" i nod my head feeling defeated as i know he wont let this drop and feel the tears starting to fill in my eyes "who was you talking to?" he asks again i just shake my head going back to my silent treatment and pulling him out the way so i can get back into the house only looking back once to see a scared upset Gerard and no sigh of josh.

Notes

UPDATE!!!

i know i waited to long to update sorry but here you go comment any suggestions for the next part rate this so far pleasseee