-Gerard's POV-
It's been nearly three weeks since Frank got out of the hospital. He had to get used to walking again, which was a struggle, but he got the hang of it fairly quick. I'm just so glad that he's safe now. He doesn't have to worry about his father's rage anymore. Though it must be a difficult change for him. He no longer has his parents around. I'm not quite sure what happened to his mother, but I'm not going to pry, I can understand why this would be a bad time. But to know that he's in a safe environment should hopefully relieve some of his stress. He seems relatively happier now, if that's anything. I love to see him smiling, it warms my heart to see it. He's got such a beautiful smile, it lights his entire face up. I'd do anything to see him smile. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to smile.
However, now that I'm not too worried about Frank, I worry even more for Mikey. He tried to fucking kill himself. That's not okay. I can't believe he'd d something so awful. I really do blame myself for it. I should have helped him, at least trying to talk to him could have helped. But I didn't. I didn't because I'm a selfish, horrible older brother. He'll probably never fully trust me to care for him ever again. What have I done? I should have known that this would happen. He was getting bullied and I did nothing about it. I was too conceited to see past myself and realize what was really happening. Their bullying and my ignorance led to what was almost his death. But it's not exactly that he was being bullied, he still is. I know that he's being bullied, he's doing the same thing he was doing before his attempt. he's still going to a random person's house and he comes home late at night with new injuries.
Whoever's hurting my little brother has got to be stopped. If it's Bert, I'm going to tear his goddamn body apart. He's done quite enough to me and my life, if he's do anything to make my little brother hurt, I'm going to fucking lose it. But if it's not him, I need to figure out who it is and fast. I can't have my little brother being hurt anymore, he's gone through enough as it is. Just like Frank, I want MIkey to be happy, because he deserves it too. I understand that Mikey's been kind of an asshole to me before, but that's his wall that he keeps up to protect himself from getting hurt. But he shouldn't have to protect himself from me, I'd never hurt him, not ever on purpose. I need to get myself on his side of the wall. I need to get him tot rust me. Maybe, if I save him from the bastard that's hurtin ghim, he'll learn to trust me.
My biggest problem though, is finding out who it is. I can't just assume it's Bert and go after him. The guy is a hell of a lot stronger than I am and could easily snap my neck if he wanted to. ANd I'd need to know for sure who it is first. I could follow Mikey around after school, but I'm horrible at sneaking, he'd spot me in a second. I know that I probably won't be able to get Mikey to tell me, I already know that he's far too stubborn that way and he wont say a word about any of it. Why Mikey has to be so stubborn, I don't know. I just wish he'd be open with me and let me be the older brother. Fuck, if I hadn't messed up my role as the older brother, things would be so much easier.
"Gee?" A person says. I gasp, nearly jumping twenty feet in the air. I turn and look at Frank. He's got a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. "Gee, are you alright baby? I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes. Am I too quiet, or are you just really into this TV show?" He asks. I blink, my cheeks turning bright red. I look at the TV, completely forgetting what I was even watching, or that Frank was even next to me. "Uh, no, you're fine, and I'm not really watching the show," I say. Frank nods and giggles. "I'm not watching either, but duh. Though from what I'm hearing, it's pretty boring. So, what's going on inside that head of yours?" He presses. I sigh and rub my tired eyes. "I'm just worried about Mikey. He's starting to scare me," I say. Frank rests his hands on my knee and strokes it with his thumb. He gives my knee a reassuring squeeze and says, "I know baby, I'm worried too, I think he's even worried about himself." I bite my lip and nod. I don't like this nagging feeling of fear for him whenever he's not home.
"I just want him to be safe, Frankie. I wish he'd just be home, were I can protect him like I'm supposed to," I say. Frank grimaces and reaches for my hand. I hold his hand in mine and shut my eyes. "Well Gerard, maybe you should try to talk to him about this," he says. My eyes fly open and I sit up. "You think I haven't tried that already? I've been trying non-fucking-stop to get him to talk about who's hurting him!" I say back. Frank sighs and covers our grasping hands with his other hand. "No, I don't mean about the bully. I mean... you should talk to him about you. Tell him how much you care about him, how much it's hurting you to see him like this. He might open up more if you tell him the truth," he says. I suck in a breath and let it out slowly, looking at him for a moment or two. "You're right Frank. But I'm just really scared that it'll make him hate me more than he already does," I say. I know Mikey told me before that he loves me, but I don't believe it. I don't understand why he would. Frank giggles and says, "He won't hate you for being honest. He doesn't hate you now either. Would he cuddle up to you for comfort if he hated you?" I roll my eyes and sigh. "You're trying to tell me that Mikey, the brother who always calls me a freak faggot actually loves me?" I ask.
Frank releases one hand to hit me on the head. "Yes he loves you, you dork. He's just scared, I'm sure. But I know that he does love you, I know it for a fact," he says. I stare at him and shift in my place. "But he hasn't shown any form of love for a very long time. I'm not ever sure that he knows what love feels like anymore," I mutter. Frank scoffs and pulls himself away from me now. "Don't ever say that again. Nobody forgets what love is, nobody. Not even my own father forgot what love felt like, he just refused to feel it. Mikey isn't refusing to show love, he might just have a hard time showing it, or he's too scared to show it. Don't be mad at Mikey for being afraid, you need to encourage him to stop being scared. If you don't, he'll never be brave enough to be able to show how much he loves you," he says. I tear up and bite down on my lip. Frank always seems so shy and scared to speak up, but then he'll say something to prove me wrong. He's really brave and mature, matured way past his years. Maybe it's not exactly a good thing in the way he matured, but he did. The says these amazing things that you'd never expect a sixteen year old to say.
I look at his face and grin, "Frank... god I love you," I say. He smiles and his cheeks turn red. "What? What did I say?" He asks. I shake my head and wrap my arms around him, pulling him close to me. "You just... you're just great," I say before pressing our mouths together. He gasps quietly and smirks a little when our noses rub together. He pulls away and his cheeks are bright red. "Y'know Gerard, we don't have to be kissing all the time to have fun," he says. I nod and play with his hair. "Yeah, but I love kissing you," I say. He giggles and moves my hands from his hair. "Yes... but when was the last time that we just talked or something?" He asks. I shrug and pull him in, continuing to play with his hair. He's right, we don't really just sit in talk. "Alright... what do you wanna talk about then?" I ask. He grins and lays on his head on my shoulder, saying, "Would you smack me if I told you I don't know?" I smile widely and kiss his head. "You're so weird, Frank," I say.
Frank sits up quickly at the sound of the door opening and slamming shut. I pull away from Frank and look over at the door. Mikey rushes past us, but I see enough damage to know there's got to be worse. I'm surprised he's home right now, honestly. It's only 5:00 pm, he's normally not home until 10. "Mikey, stop! Right now," I shout. He sprints up the stairs as soon as I say that. I try to get up onto my feet, but Frank pushes me back don. "Don't. You're too mad to talk to him right now. You're being the over-protective brother. Let me talk to him," he says. I stare at him for a moment. He's right. I'd probably flip out at the sight of any of his damage. I let out a sigh and nod. "All right, go talk to him. I'll fucking wait here," I say. Frank smiles and presses a kiss to my lips. "Thank you Gee, i'll be right back," he says. I nod and watch him make his way up. I could easily have kept that argument going, but if there's one thing I've learned about Frank Iero, it's that he's really stubborn. Any argument with him is basically useless. He wont give up, he pushes for his way and wont stop until he gets it. It's one thing I love about him. One of the many.
As I hear Mikey's first shouts of protest at Frank, I turn my attention to the TV. The screen flickers and flashes about a group of cops solving crimes. It's nothing important, nothing interesting, but something to distract me from my thoughts, but I guess it's not enough. I can't help but worry that Mikey is really unhappy. Not meaning he's unhappy in general, which he probably is, I mean unhappy with Frank. I never asked Mikey how he felt about Frank being here at all. Suddenly a guy shows up in his home, in his brother's life, taking away the little attention his brother gave him. It's gotta suck. And then you add bullying on top of all of that and it only makes things worse. I should have payed more attention to him, I should have talked to him about all of this. But it's too late now, far too late. I wish I had seen it sooner. Who knows though, maybe Mikey doesn't hate Frank as much as I worry he does.
Frank comes back downstairs a while later, feeling his way to the couch. "He's fine. He didn't actually say much. He said he was tired, so I left him alone," Frank says before I can even ask about it. I sigh as he slips his arms around my waist. "He always says he's tired when he doesn't want to talk," I say, my voice worn. Frank frowns and looks down shamefully. "Oh... I'm sorry. I should have kept talking to him. Sorry," he says sadly. I cup his cheek and kiss his forehead. "Babe, it's okay, it's not a big deal," I say. I study his face and frown when I see blood smeared on the underside of his chin. "Frank... you've got blood on your chin. Why?" I ask. Frank raises and eyebrow and touches his chin. "Is that what that was? Huh, well Mikey's head must've been bleeding. I kinda rested my chin on his head earlier and felt something weird. That must've been it," he says. Of course Mikey's head was bleeding. He's always bleeding somewhere when he gets home. It's practically inevitable.
I pull Frank close to me and run my fingers through his hair again. Frank glides his hands across my body, like normal. We sit in silence like that and we don't let our thoughts bother us, at least for me. Frank's face concentrates and focuses, his hands grasping lightly and sliding against my back, chest, and stomach. I chuckle and look down at him. "Frankie, baby, what are you doing?" I ask. Frank lifts his blackened gaze to me and slowly pulls his hands away. "Um, I was just... feeling you," he says. I laugh a bit more and kiss his lips. "Why? Is there a reason?" I ask. Frank lifts his head more and says, "Well... yeah, I'm just trying to know for sure. For some reason you feel different... like there's less of you or something. Are you losing weight?" I look at him and tilt my head to the side. "Well, I guess. I've been so focused on you and Mikey that I haven't bothered much to eat," I say.
Frank groaned and hit me on the arm. "Gerard! That isn't okay! You've got to eat, even if things are kind of hectic," he says. I roll my eyes and brush my hair from my eyes as well. "Like it even matters, Frank, I'm fat enough as it is. It's not like a couple of pounds are going to matter," I say. Frank hits me again. "You aren't fat! And a few pounds lost does in fact matter. A few pounds lost leads to another few because you don't think it's good enough, then you keep going like that. Then it'll never stop. Please don't stop eating, you could get really sick if you stop," he says. Leave it to Frank to care too much about me. "Frank, I'm fine, I promise," I say. He grimaces and shakes his head. "You suck at lying Gee," he mumbles. Frank rests his forehead on mine and says, "But I still love you anyway." I smile and hold his hand. "And I love you anyway too," I reply. He giggles and plays with my hand. I watch him as he does this and I can't help but feel so awful. Because I lied.
True, I haven't eaten much, but it's not because I've been too worried to. I'm sick and tired of being called fat, sick and tired of being fat, so I'm doing something about it. But it's nothing that Frank needs to know about. I hold Frank close to me and sigh. I can't stop staring at the blood on his chin. "Frank, how bad of a condition was Mikey in?" I ask curiously. Frank sits up and shrugs. "I didn't really find out about any of them. But.. he didn't sound too good. Sorry, I should have told you that before," he says. I don't know how I should take that. Mikey not sounding good can mean anything. "I'm going to go check on him then," I tell him. I pull away from him and get to my feet. "I'll be right back, okay?" Frank nods and smiles. When he lets go of my hand, I leave to the staircase heading to Mikey's room. Time to see what's going on.
I stop in front of Mikey's bedroom door, hesitating to even grab the door knob. I have a bad feeling that I'm not going to like what happened to him. "Mikey, are you alright?" I ask loudly. He's silent. I tap my fist on the door now. He's still quiet. "Okay, I'm coming in," I say. I grab the handle and push the door open. The room is dark and quiet. All silent except for a plug in fan. He's got a dark blanket wrapped around him and he's facing away from me. "Mikey?" I say softly. He doesn't move an inch. As I get closer, I get more worried. It's not a dark blanket, just a huge dark stain on a grey blanket. Now I'm scared. "Mikey?!" I snap. Absolutely nothing. I run to him and flip him on his back. There's fucking blood everywhere, I don't think he's breathing. "Oh my god, Mikey?!" I scream.
-Mikey's POV-
His fist rams into me over and over again. In my gut, my chest, my head. He kicks me hard in the chest, then in the eye. "You fucking. Disgusting. Useless. Bitch!" He screams. I didn't do anything to make him angry, not this time. My suicide hunts are over. This time, I just didn't say something that he told me to say. I'm bloodied and naked on his kitchen floor and he punishes me for not saying something. "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Bert please stop!" I cry out. He ignores me like normal and only gets angrier. "Maybe you should have done what I fucking said and this wouldn't have had to happen!" He yells. I groan as he kicks me in the neck. "Fucking say it," he snarls. I look up at him and shake my head, saying, "I'll never fucking say it. I don't like that badly." Bert glares and punches me in the jaw. "I don't care if you're lying or not, you bitch. I want you to say it!" He snaps. He gives me one more blow to the chest before walking away from me.
I regain my breath and try to relax. Bert is just a bully, he has no real power over me. I sit up and let out a large but silent exhale. I don't know why he wants to hear these words. he wants me to tell him that I love him. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Those words aren't ones that I'm going to throw around and say. I haven't even been able to say it to Gerard that well yet, I'm far too afraid to say it. Why Bert wants me to say it, I don't know. I lift my head and start at Bert, asking the question that's been on my mind. "Why do you need me to say it so badly?" He inhales sharply and spins around, a knife in his hand. "Because... I need to hear that somebody fucking does," he screams. I back away, my eyes not moving from the knife he's holding so tightly.
"Don't worry, bitch. I'm not going to use it on you. Not unless you make me," he hisses. I remain cowered in fear. Bert sighs and kneels down, facing me. "Now say it," he whispers. I swallow, then shake my head. "No, I'll never say it. Ever. You make me do a lot of things, stupid, painful, humiliating things. But I will never tell you something that you don't deserve," I say coldly. Then he snaps. He growls and thrusts the knife into me. I scream out in pain when he does it a few other times. "You little bitch! You don't understand! You'll never fucking understand!" He screams between stabs. I sob, trying push him off of me, but he's stronger than I am. The pain I feel is too much. Blood pours from me, and I'm feeling weak. "Bert please! Please! Stop it!!!" I scream, my voice cracking. He twists the knife and a burning pain fills me. "Bitch, don't you dare tell me what to do," he barks.
Finally he takes the knife out after four or five stabs overall. I double over and try to cover the bleeding wounds. I can hardly even feel the pain anymore, it hurts that bad. Bert backs away and drops the knife on to the floor. The knife clatters and he lets out a small noise. "G-get out... Leave, right now! Put your damn clothes on and leave. Don't ever come back here Mikey. Ever!" He screams. In fear that he'll do any worse damage to me if I don't, I do as he says. Despite the awful, numbed pain in my body, I put my clothes on. Once I do, I get to my feet. My legs are shaking wildly and my head is light and spinning. "Get the hell out of here!" he shouts. Slowly, I wobble to the door and get into my car. He must not've stabbed me in any vital organs, because I'm not dead. I drive down the road, trying hard not to cry. Crying would only blur my vision and that might actually kill me. Gerard is going to flip out when he sees me, I know it.
I got to leave a lot earlier today, I can still see the sunlight. It's around five today, and I'm sure that Gerard is going to be home. I need to avoid him at all cost. He's worried enough, I shouldn't make things worse. I do enough crap to him, this could ruin him. Now that I know that I do matter to him, my entire view has changed. I no longer feel like nobody wants me, because I know that Gerard does. That's all I need. Finally, I get home. It's getting harder to focus on anything now, my brain is throbbing. I still can't believe he stabbed me, it's surreal to me. All because I would say that I loved him. Of all the things in the world he could have wanted me to say, it's the most impossible. How could I love someone who doesn't deserve it? And what did he mean that he wanted to hear that someone did. How could he ever expect anyone to love a monster?
All this thinking is making my head hurt worse. I push the car door open and stumble to the front door. I go inside and find Gerard and Frank tangled together on the couch. I use their distraction with each other as a chance to get away. But I shut the door too hard and alert them. I hurry away to my room, ignoring Gerard yelling for me. He can't see me like this, it's getting worse, I'm bleeding even more now. I stand in my room for a minute and start to undress. I hear someone coming up the stairs and I'm sure it's Gerard. I put my bloody shirt behind a pile of laundry and lay in bed, covering myself in my grey blanket. Hopefully I don't bleed through the blanket while he, or whoever it is, is in my room. That'd end badly.
The knock on the door is quiet, so it's not Gerard. "M-Mikey, can I come in?" They ask. It's only Frank, he can't see how bad it is. But I still don't want anyone in my room. "Uh, not now," I say. My throat hurts really bad. The door opens anyway and Frank stands in the doorway. "Frank! I said no!" I shout. He blinks and bites his lip. I sort of feel bad for yelling. "Are you okay? Gee's worried about you," he says anyway. I sit up, despite the pain. "I'm fine, just... tired," I lie. Because he can't see the damage, he can't tell me otherwise. He sifts his weight from one leg to the other. "You sure? You sound just awful," he points out. I know, I sound like shit. "Yeah, like I said, I'm only tired. I'll be alright." I say, yet another lie. I'm sure Frank doesn't really believe me. I just want him to leave me alone, because I am getting tired and I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Frank walks toward my bed slowly, hesitantly. I don't think he's ever been in my room before. He sits on my bed and sighs. "Y'know Gerard needs you, so if anything's happening, he's got to know about it. Especially if you're hurt or in danger, understand?" He says. I know they both mean well, but I need to fight my battles alone. Even though the battle was originally between Gerard and Bert. "Yeah, okay. But can I just go to sleep now? I'm really so tired," I say, resting my head on his shoulder. Frank rests his chin on my head and I try not to pull away. My head's really sore from getting smacked against he wall. "He really loves you y'know. He only wants you to be safe," he says. I nod and pull away from Frank. "I know he does..." I mutter. Frank smiles and starts walking away. I lay back and squeeze my eyes shut. "Good bye, Mikey," Frank says. I remain silent, hoping he'd just think I'm sleeping. Thankfully, he's convinced by my silence and walks away, closing the door behind him.
I groan after he's gone, clutching my stab wounds. They hurt so bad now, and I'm sure that it wont make them better by touching them. I don't care though. The blood doesn't stop, it hasn't at all. I'm feeling so weak and dizzy. The room is spinning faster and faster and I can't focus on anything. I lift my blanket and look at them. They're scattered around my torso and blood is pouring out of them. It hurts so damn badly I wanna scream. I turn on my side and cry silently, the tears hitting my pillow. The time I don't want to die, it might happen, My breathing is now really shallow and labored and I can't feel my legs anymore. I let out a silent sob and grab the blanket tightly with my fists. The next thing I know, the world goes black.
I wake up, I'm in the back of a speeding car and Gerard is screaming at Frank. "No! I can't calm down! Someone stabbed Mikey, my little brother! Frank, I think he's gonna bleed to death!" He shouts. I look down at my stomach and see that it's covered in a towel that's wet with blood. I wince and lay back with a small moan. Gerard slams on the brakes and looks back. "Mikes?! Oh my god, are you okay?" He cries. I nod and face him. "I-I'm fine..." I whisper. He starts driving again and sniffles. "Mikey, I'm so sorry this happened. I should have been there for you," he says. I shake my head limply and cough. "It's nothing you could've prevented. I'll be... I'll be fine," I croak. Gerard forces out a laugh. "Fine? Fine?! You've got to be kidding me. Mikey, you got fucking stabbed! You're not fine and you know that you're not!" He says, crying more.
"Gerard... don't cry. We don't want to get into an... an accident," I say. He nods and rubs his eyes with his sleeve. "You're right, it's not helping anyone. I'm sorry. But Mikey, who did this?" He asks. I groan and shake my head. "Gerard, don't do this right now, please," I beg. My body feels like it's in fire and I still can't breathe right. The last thing I need is any more of Gerard's drama. He sighs and stares out at the road. "Okay, but we still need to talk about it eventually," he mutters. I'm aware I can't avoid this much longer, but I want to keep it hidden as long as I can. I just don't want him knowing that the only reason he's safe right now is the same reason he's driving me to the hospital. He'd go ballistic, he'd be so pissed off. But keeping it from him much longer is next to impossible.
Eventually, we reach the hospital. He pulls into a parking space, a little too quickly, and turns to me. "Do you think you can walk? Or do I need to carry you?" He asks. I suck in a breath and slowly let it out. "Well... seeing that I can't feel my legs whatsoever, yeah, I need carried," I mumble. Gerard nods, adding, "Well, that was a bit too sarcastic for this situation, Mikey." He opens the back door and slides his hands under my legs and my back, scooping me up in his arms. A huge shooting, burning pain runs through me and I scream a little bit. Gerard gasps and nearly drops me. "My god, are you okay?!" He asks. I nod and shut my eyes. He sighs in relief and starts to walk to the building. "C'mon Frank! Grab my shirt so you don't get lost," Gerard says. Frank does as he's told and before Gerard even reaches the building, I get incredibly dizzy and pass out, falling limp in Gerard's arms.
I wake up now in a hospital bed, my wounds are stitched up and wrapped. Gerard is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asks. I shrug and grab for my glasses which are placed on the bedside table. "Fine, I guess. I'm exhausted and I ache, but I'm alright," I say, pushing my glasses up my nose. Gerard smiles and stands up. He walks toward me and leans close to my face, whispering, "Do you want to tell me what happened now?" I sigh and rub my head. "Gee, not now, please don't do this right now," I say. He frowns and grabs my arm. "Not no? Not later, then when? You can't keep it to yourself forever. It's not healthy. You aren't safe with whoever this is, so why are you always going to them? You could have died today because of them," he says, his eyes getting watery.
I think about Bert now. What would he do if Gerard knew? He could hurt both of us. I can't stop thinking about what he said when I asked why I should tell him I love him. 'Because I need to hear that somebody does!' His voice remains clear in my head. But not just the voice, also the look in his eyes the final time he told me to say it. He wasn't just angry, but desperate, as if he really did need to hear it. Why me though? Couldn't he have gotten someone else to say it? His parents? His friends? Why did he have to pick the person that he hates so much, the one he beats on for fun? It doesn't make any sense.
Gerard looks at me and grabs my hand. "Mikey, please be honest with me, who is it?" He presses. I don't know what to say to him. I'm not ready to tell him yet. He looks at me with sad eyes. "Gee, please, don't make me tell you right now. If you haven't noticed, I'm not in the best condition and I don't want to deal with this right now," I say. Gerard sighs and stands up. "Mikey! You can't avoid this forever, you need to tell me sometime," he says. I look down and roll my eyes. He leans over me now and says, "I just want to be able to keep you safe. I'm your big brother, it's kind of my job." I look up at him and smile a little. "I know you'd like to think it's your job to protect me, but it's not. I can protect myself just fine," I say.
Gerard's eyes widen, then squint into a glare. "Oh of course. You're protecting yourself real well. I mean, look at you! You're the spitting image of someone who can protect themselves. Fuck, what was I thinking? You're just fine, you don't need me, I'm so sorry, Mikey," he says sarcastically. I sigh and slowly sit up. "Gerard, you know that's not what I meant," I say. He looks at me, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. "I know it's not, but you can't just say that you can protect yourself when you nearly got stabbed to death," he replies. He's right, I can't protect myself from things that well, but I can keep myself alive, and to me, that's good enough. "Gerard, I understand that you want to be the one to keep me protected at all times, but you can't. You'd like to, but you can't. You can't always keep me save, you won't always be around to protect me," I tell him.
Gerard stares at me for what feels like forever before he finally says, "I realize this, Mikey. I'm not gonna be around all the time, but knowing that you're safe is enough for my peace of mind," he says. I wish that I could tell him that I'm safe, and be able to mean it, but I can't. I won't be able to until Bert is out of my life. And who knows when that'll be, if it happens at all. I turn to Gerard and force a smile. "I'll be alright. These injuries were my fault. I was provoking someone with a short temper while they were holding a knife. Injuries like this won't happen again," I say. He frowns and shakes his head. "I want to know who the one with the knife was. I want to know who's been doing all of this to you," he says.
Before I can say anything, a doctor comes in. He smiles at Gerard, then at me. "Michael, you're lucky. The knife missed all vital organs and the wounds are minor. You can go back home soon and I'll send you with a pain-reducing medication. You'll be just fine," he says. I look over at my brother and sigh in relief. I can go home and try to pretend this never happened, well... the best that I can. When the doctor leaves, Gerard instantly asks, "Do you think we can keep this a secret from Mom? She's been stressed as it is, I don't want her to get any worse." It'll be difficult, but not impossible to manage. I nod and he laughs a bit. "Good, thanks," he says.
I look around the room and raise an eyebrow. "Where's Frank?" I ask curiously. Gerard straightens up, as if even he did'nt know. "Hmm? Oh, I took him home to rest. But don't worry, all the doors are locked at home, I made sure of it. He'll be alright," he says. I nod and look out the window, the sun is just barely going down. I like Frank, he's been good for Gerard, he's helped him a lot. I haven't been able to show Frank my appreciation for him. Without Frank, who knows how different things would be. Who knows if Gerard would even be here still? Maybe I wouldn't be here if Frank hadn't shown up for Gerard. So Frank sort of means a lot to me, even though he doesn't know it.
We get home an hour later, Gerard keeps playing the same song over and over again. He's singing it now as he unlocks the door. "Generals gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses. Evil minds that plot destruction, sorcerers of deaths construction. In the fields the bodies burning, as the warm machines keep turning. Death and hatred to mankind, poisoning their brainwashed minds... Oh Lord yeah!" he sings. I groan and gently slap his arm. "Gee, sing that song again, I'm gonna rip your vocal chords out... in the nicest way possible," I say. He gives me a teasing glare and pushes the door open. "Fine, I'll stop," he mumbles. I walk inside, clutching my pain pills tight. "I'm going to go to bed, Gee, I'll see you tomorrow," I say. He stares for a moment, then smiles. "Yeah, see you tomorrow. I'll give you a ride to school tomorrow, alright? Good night, Mikey, I love you," he says. I nod and smile back. "Good night. Love you too," I say.
I get to my room, shutting the door behind me. I pull my hoodie over my head and look at my injuries in the mirror. Even though they're wrapped up, I know they're going to leave ugly scars. Bert's going to find me even more disgusting, he'll hate me more now. I sigh and open my bottle of pills, swallowing a couple down. I turn my lights off and lie in bed. I forgot, Bert says he never wants to see me again. But what will he do next? Is it all over or will he go back to the way things used to be? I'm so afraid he's going to hurt Gerard again, I can't live knowing that I let Bert go after him again. Gerard is finally free from being beaten, he's starting to be happier, I can't let that end so soon. So for now, I have to do anything I can to keep Bert from hurting my big brother.
My alarm goes off at 6:30 am. I sigh into my pillow and sit up. Time to get up. I slowly stand, but I stop halfway from a sharp pain in my abdomen. I'd completely forgotten about what happened the other day. I wince and look down at my bandages, they'd better not hurt like this all day. I put new clothes on and brush my tangled mass of hair down. I put my glasses on my face and head downstairs. Gerard and Frank are at the table, drinking coffee. "Good morning, Mikey," Gerard says, smiling. I smile back a little and grab a coffee mug. "Morning," I mumble back. I pour some coffee into my mug and sip at it. I turn to Gerard, he's still staring at me. "Can I... help you with something?" I ask. He smiles and shakes his head. "No, I'm just glad you're okay right now," he says.
I nod a bit and sit down at the table. I had brought my pills downstairs and set them on the table. I got out a couple into my hand. "How're you feeling?" Gerard asks. I shrug, popping some pills into my mouth and swallowing them down with coffee. "I'm in a ton of fucking pain, no thanks to Bert..." I say. As soon as I hear his name, I forget to breathe. My eyes widen and I look at Frank and Gerard, their eyes just as wide. "Oh my god..." Frank whispers. Gerard remains silent and it's honestly scaring me. I can't believe I just let it slip. "G-Gerard?" I say quietly. He keeps staring at me. I'm afraid he's going to blow up. I watch him as he wordlessly gets up, putting his empty mug into the sink. He turns to Frank and I, and in a monotone voice, says, "Get your bags, get in the car."
Gerard drives slowly and silently. The radio is kept off and we're left with our thoughts. Mine are freaking me out. What's Gerard going to do? What's Bert going to do? If he stabbed me yesterday from being angry, what will he do next? What if he goes after Gerard? I hate myself right now. I should've been more aware of what I was saying. I just messed everything up, screwed myself over. I'm doomed. I look at Gerard, I can't even imagine what he could be thinking right now. Is he mad at me? Mad at himself? What's he gonna do when he sees Bert? I'm not looking forward to today, not at all.
We make it to school, and my heart is pounding like crazy in my chest. I don't want to get out of the car just yet. But Gerard puts his hand on my arm. "Let's go," he says. I swallow hard and nod. I don't want to make Gerard any more pissed off. I open the car door and stand on shaking legs. I follow behind Frank and Gerard from a distance, afraid that Gerard will see Bert and go ape shit. We walk down the halls silently for a while. I feel like everyone knows what Bert's done to me. Like they know I let him use me, but they don't care. They all hate me for it, judge me fore it. I look at the floor and hurry up to catch up with Gerard and Frank. I don't' care if Gerard freaks out or not, I just can't be alone.
Throughout the whole day, I'v been on edge. Gerard hardly spoke to me this morning, despite my attempts to talk to him. I know that if he wasn't made at me, he would have talked to me then. It's lunch now, and I'm shocked. Bert isn't here today. That's really uncommon for him. If he can bully someone, he doesn't pass up the chance to do so. I'm sitting with Ray, like I've been doing for the past few weeks since my attempt. Ray's going on and on about this girl he met during his guitar lesson. I'm trying to listen, but I can't I'm just too worried about everything going on.
"Mikey? Are you okay?" He asks. I look up at him and nod quickly. He smiles and reaches out, flicking me in the forehead. "No you're not. What's going on in Mikey Way's head?" He asks. I sigh and sit forward. "Nothing, just stuff..." I say. He chuckles and holds his chin in his hands. "Yeah, what kind of stuff?" He presses. It's my turn to flick him in the forehead. "You're really nosy, y'know that?" I say. He nods and adds, "It's only because I care about you though." I stare at him, then smile. "I know you do," I say. Before I can say more, someone grabs my shoulder. I freeze and look at Ray. The look in his eyes tells me it's no one good.
As I turn around, I see Bert's right hand monkey, Jeph. I stare at him for a moment, not sure of what to think. "Hey, what did you do to Bert, huh?" He asks. I raise an eyebrow and scoff. "What did I do to him? You're shitting me," I say. I'm not afraid of Jeph. There's a reason I call him Bert's monkey. He's basically harmless without Bert's command. He glares me and pull me to my feet. "You heard me! I know you did something. Bert doesn't skip school unless something happened. Now cough it up," Jeph says. Not sure what he meant by 'something happened' but he's getting on my nerves. "Nothing happened, not to him. The only thing happening was him trying to kill me," I say dryly.
That's what makes him angry. "You really are pathetic, Michael. Not a shock why Bert loves to beat you so much! You're annoying, bitchy, ugly, don't be shocked that people hate you," he says. And with that said, he slams his bony knuckles into my gut. The pain runs through me, burning. I bite my lip hard to keep myself from crying out as he does it again and again. He doesn't stop until someone yanks him off of me. "Get away from him! Don't ever touch my brother again!" Gerard screams. And just like that, he causes a scene. Jeph glares, walking away. I'm kneeling on the floor, clutching my gut, still biting down on my lip.
"Mikey, are you okay?" Gerard asks, leaning over me. I nod, crushing my eyes shut tight. Gerard grabs my shoulders, pushing me into a sitting position. "Tell me what hurts," he says. I open my eyes and stare at my brother. "It might save you time if I tell you... what doesn't hurt," I mutter. He rolls his eyes and grabs my wrists. "Seriously Mikey, are you okay?" He asks. I life my head and bite my lip again for a moment. "I-I'm not sure... maybe?" I say. Gerard frowns and grabs the hem of my shirt, lifting it up. I glance down and see blood blooming through the bandages. "Oh shit!" Gerard whispers. I whimper and push Gerard's hands away. "Gee? Help me." I say.
He picks me up and runs to the nurse, Ray and Frank following behind. He holds me close and runs faster. "It's okay Mikey, you'll be alright," he says. We reach the nurses office and he sets me on the bed. "Please, help him," he says. I look over and grab Gerard's hand. "Hey, can I go home, once this is all over? I-I don't think it's too bad," I say. Gerard looks at me, then smiles wide. "Sure Mikey, if you're okay, then you can go home," he says. I grin and lay my head back. "Good, because I don't think I can go through another class," I tell him. He nods and steps away. The nurse stands over me and pulls my shirt up, peeling away some bandages and looking at the injuries.
"What exactly... happened, Mikey?" She asks. I look at Gerard, then back to her. And I explain it. Well, sort of. I don't explain why it happened, or how, or who did it; but I tell her that it happened. She nods and continues to look them over. "Well, they didn't open up too badly, only a little. You should be alright. The bleeding will stop. And going home is probably a good idea too," she says. Thank god. I sit up, groaning from the pain. "It's okay, we'll just wrap them up again, and send you home," she adds. I nod and watch as she grabs wrap bandage. She wraps me up and Gerard sticks his hand out, giving me two pills. "What's this?" I ask. He shrugs and grins. "You forgot your pills, you didn't bring 'em, so I did," he says.
I smile and take the pills from his hand. Thanks," I say, putting the pills in my mouth. Once the nurse is done, I pull my shirt down. "So I can just go home?" I ask. She nods and writes something on a piece of paper. "Just show this to the secretary and you'll be good to go," she says. I take the slip, then say," Well, Gerard drove me to school, is it okay if he takes me back?" She nods again and Gerard grabs my hand. "Let's get you home now then," he says. I stand up slowly, try hard to ignore the pain. Gerard and I walk out of the nurses office with Frank and Ray following. I hand the note to the woman in the main office and Gerard lets her know he'll be taking her home.
We get out to the cafeteria again so I can get my things. "Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can," Gerard says to Frank. Ray hands me my bag and wraps his arms around my shoulders. "Take care, Mikes," he says. I smile, nodding at him. I say goodbye to Frank and Ray. Gerard and I go go the parking lot toward his car. For the most part, the car ride is quiet, other than Gerard asking me if I'm okay. Finally, we're home. I'm about to get out of the car, but Gerard grabs my arm. I turn to him, giving him a questioning look. "Mikey... are you going to be okay alone? I mean, do you need me to stay here?" He asks.
I understand that he's worrying about me more than before, but it's almost a little overbearing. "I"ll be fine on my own Gee. Don't worry about me," I tell him. He sighs a little, then nods. Thank goodness he knows that now isn't a good time to push for his way. He smiles softly and pets my hair. Weirdo. "Alright, just take it easy, okay? I don't want you getting hurt while you're alone," he says. He hands me my pills and I get out of the car. He waves goodbye and I wave back. When he drives away, I go inside. The house is dead silent and empty. It's sort of cold without anyone there but me. I guess I never noticed until now. Either way, I don't like the lonely feeling it has.
I go to my bedroom, dropping my bag onto the floor. The pain I feel is so bad, I nearly can't stand it. I lay on my bed, feeling tears in my eyes. Damn Jeph. I realize that he doesn't know what Bert did to me exactly, but he didn't need to be such an ass. I lay on my side, my face nuzzling my pillow. The medicine hasn't kicked in yet, but god, I need it to. Tears slip down my face and hit my pillow. It's still unimaginable that Bert actually stabbed me last night. I knew he was violent, but not like that. I never expected him to actually hurt me in that way. But the look on his face after he did it... he actually looked scared. He looked like he had actually regretted what he did. But he'd never really regret doing something like that to me of of all people, right?
Though I still don't understand so much of last night at all. I dont' know why he wanted me to tell him I love him. That's beyond random. I always thought that if someone hated someone else, they wouldn't want that someone to love them, much less force them to say it. And then he told me that he needed to hear it? Why? Then of course, I'm stabbed. Then looked terrified that he did it. Finally, I'm told never to come back. Which makes no sense. I thought the sick fuck loved to hurt me and use me, why would he push me away? He's not making any sense to me not like he made much sense to begin with. This is just freaking nuts. I need to figure out what the hell is going on.
Despite the pain, I get out of bed and walk downstairs. I know Gerard is going to be so pissed when and if he finds out I left, even though he doesn't know where to. I'm surprised he hasn't flipped out about knowing Bert's hurting me. Maybe he was expecting it, who knows? I'm just glad that he's not angry with me... yet. I'm sure he will be if he ever finds out all that Bert'ds done to me. It's safe to say that what Bert's done to me might be worse than what he's done to Gerard. I hope, anyway. I don't ever want such horrible things to be done to my big brother.
I go to my car and start it up. I sit in the front seat in silence for a moment, then pull on my seat belt. I'm not sure what's going to happen, or how it'll explain anything, but I need to dot his. I need to get some sort of explanation, some form of answer, so that maybe I can sleep easier tonight. I turn my radio on to keep my mind clear for just a while, but all the thoughts still remain. I'm worried that if Bert sees me again, he'll get angry and do worse that just a couple of stab wounds. But everything he's done has led up to so many questions and so much confusion on my part. I don't understand his motives, I don't understand his anger. I need to find out.
I eventually get to Bert's house. I stop on the side of the road, staring at the building. Memories of what's happened in that house flood my mind. I can remember every meaningless fuck, every merciless beating, every hurtful word. I start to choke up a little. I blink a few tears away and open my car door. Walking up to the house, I'm a nervous wreck. My heart's beating like crazy and my palms are sweating. I reach the front door and slowly bring my fist up to knock. But the door opens before I can. I lower my fist and look at him. He looks like a mess. His hair needs washed badly and he's wearing baggy, dirty clothes. I back away, the hostile look in his eyes scares me. "The fuck are you doing here, Way?" He asks. Yeah, I'm going to die.

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