The Way I See It (Frerard)

-Gerard's POV-
I'm woken up at around midnight by a knocking on my bedroom door. I open it to find Mikey standing there. He's got a blanket wrapped around him, his hair a tangled, nest-looking mass, and his glasses hang on the bridge of his nose. "What is it, Mikey?" I ask. I can tell he's not all with it right now, the swaying is a dead giveaway. "Um... Frank is downstairs, I don't know why, but he is. I'm going to bed," he mumbles. Frank's here? I bolt past my little brother, running down the stairs. I stop at the bottom, staring at Frank. I don't even know what to do. Why is he here? To yell at me, maybe even beat me like Bert does? I see him sitting on the couch, and my stomach jumps just by looking at him. Despite what he's going to say or do, I'm still so glad to see him again.
I walked to the couch, keeping quiet still. By only looking at his face, I can't tell what's about to happen. "Frank?" I say. Frank jumps and gasps. "Oh my gosh! Gerard, is that you?" He asks. I sit down beside him and clear my throat. "Yeah, it's me," I tell him. He smiles and reaches toward me, hugging me. "Oh Gerard, I'm so glad it's you! I missed you!" He says. I'm so relieved to hear that. I hug him back quickly. "Well, are you okay? Where have you been?" I ask. He retracts a bit and that's when I start to notice the bruises and I'm instantly nervous. My mind instantly blames Bert and I become defensive. "Well um... it was... my dad. H-he really didn't take me coming out too well," he says. It takes only a moment to process this, but once I do, my defense turns into rage.
"Frank, your dad did this to you?! He can't do that! You need to tell the police! Babe, what exactly did he do to you?!" I ask. Frank frowns, tears in his eyes. “W-well um, he beat me up a-a little, and he locked me in a closet. That was on um… Saturday. I just got out today, I’m pretty sure he forgot about me,” he says, his voice shaking. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Frankie no, you can’t go back to him! He’s not safe; I don’t want you getting hurt! Please consider telling someone about this,” I say. Frank shrugs, looking down. “I just don’t know, I mean, I’m used to it,” he tells me.
This news is everything that I don’t want to hear. “You shouldn’t be used to that stuff Frank! Fucking hell, you father is supposed to love and care for you, not beat the shit out of you! Baby, you have to do something about this,” I say. Frank blinks, then breaks out into sobs. He lays into me, crying uncontrollably. “I-I know that he’s not safe, but if I leave him, wh-who else do I have?!” He cries. I hold him close to me, rubbing his back soothingly. I don’t know what to say, quite honestly, I’ve never been on for good advice. Frank clutches to me, sobs wetting my shoulder. Footsteps from the stairs alert me. I think that it might be Mikey, but I’m quickly corrected when I see my tired looking mother at the stairway.
“Gerard Arthur Way, what are you doi- Who is that?” She says. Frank sits up, wiping his eyes and searching the room. “This is my friend, Frank Iero. I-I’ve told you about him before,” I say. She raises an eyebrow, then nods in remembrance. “Okay, but why is he here so late at night? And is he crying? What’s going on?” She asks. Frank bites his lip, looking around nervously. I glance at him, unsure of what to say to her question. “I’m okay Ms. Way, I promise,” Frank says. I look at him in shock. Clearly he isn’t okay, anyone could tell. My mom walks towards us, grabbing his face in her hands. “Now Frank, I know that’s a lie and I also know how much you mean to my sun. If you mean a lot to him, you mean a lot to me. Gerard doesn’t always have someone to go to, so I’m happy he has you. That means that you’re happiness is important as well. Now tell me what’s wrong,” she says.
Frank stutters about, finding what to say. He tears up again. Then he tells her everything that he told me, going into great detail that makes me want to cringe. That man, that terrible man, hit a defenseless kid, it makes me so angry, it makes me want to scream By the time Frank finishes, we’re all in tears. “Oh Frank, I’m so sorry sweetheart. If I can do anything to help you, you just let me know,” my mom says. I can’t help but say something about this. “Mom, we do need to do something, he can’t go home! Not with that man there. Please let him stay with us, just for a little while,” I say quickly. They both turn to me, staring as if I’m crazy. “G-Gerard, I could never do that!” Frank replies faster than I did. I look back and forth from him and Mom. I can’t let him go back there, that’s the one thing I could never do. “Frank, you can stay, it would be a bother as long as you’re safe.” Mom says.
I watch as Frank thinks it through, he’s crying again and I wish I could make it stop. He whimpers softly and makes shifting movements. “U-um, I um… I-I just, ah… okay? I-I’ll stay, but please, I don’t want to be a burden, s-so don’t hesitate to tell me if I ever have to leave,” he says. I sigh in relief and take Frank’s hand. Frank leans into me, resting his head on my shoulder. “Don’t you worry Frank, we’ll take good care of you. And if your father ever finds out that you’re here, leave that to me,” Mom says. Frank nods, shutting his eyes lightly. He’s worn out, exhausted, he definitely needs sleep. “Thank you so much…” he whispers. As soon as the words escape him, he’s asleep. Mom smiles at me, petting my hair. “You’ve done a good thing Gee, you’re a good boy,” she says. I pick up Frank and I carry him to the spare bedroom. I’d lay him in my bed, but he might not like that. I kiss him goodnight and I got to my room where I can sleep a little more peacefully.
The next morning, thankfully, school’s canceled for the day due to a shit ton of snow. I’m not one who really likes snow, but this time, I couldn’t be more grateful for that crap. Now I can focus on Frank and Mikey. Frank is still asleep, so it’s just me and Mikey at the breakfast table. He drinks his coffee quietly, his gaze distant. From the bags under his eyes, I know he couldn’t have slept much. “Mikey, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I ask, breaking the dreadful silence. He glances up at me, shrugging. “Nothing is going on, I’m fine,” he says. I rub my eyes and shake my head. “It’s too bad you’re a shitty liar, Mikey, I would have believed you otherwise,” I tell him. He looks into his mug, glaring. He can’t hold it back much longer, I can tell. I reach over and grab his shoulder. “You can tell me anything Mikey, it’s nothing I can’t handle,” I say. He shakes his head, pushing my hand away as he stands up. “It’s just not any of your business,” he snaps.
I watch him dump the coffee in the sink and storm up the stairs. Whatever’s wrong, it must be serious; he normally gets a lot angrier with me, normally involving violence. I rest my chin my hands, sighing in defeat. “Gerard?” A voice asks quietly. I turn to see Frank standing in the doorway. “Hey Frankie! Did you sleep okay?” I ask. He nods and I can see that he’s hesitant to move any closer. “Well come over here, sit with me,” I suggest. He bites his lip and shrugs. He takes a tentative step forward, then another, moving very slowly. I stand up and go to him, grabbing his hand and leading him to the table. “Thank you,” he mumbles. I press a kiss to his cheek in response.
“I-I’m not very used to your house… I tripped a couple of times getting over here,” he says, rubbing his neck. I wrap an arm around him, kissing his head on which I find a blooming red bump, where I assume he hit when he fell. “Do you need an ice pack?” I ask. He shakes his head, laughing timidly. “No, I’m okay,” he replies. I nod and sit next to him. “Well… do you want anything? When was the last time you ate?” I ask, sort of afraid of what he’ll say. He looks around and says, “Well… I haven’t eaten since the day I was put in the closet…” I gasp and jump to my feet. “Oh my gosh! Honey that was too long ago! What do you want?!” I say. He shrugs and asks, “Do you have toast?” I grab the bread from the cupboard. “Do you want some coffee too Frank?” I ask. He smiles and nods. “Yeah, thank you,” he says.
Once the toast and coffee are set in front of me and found by his hands, he asks me, “What’s going to happen to me now?” I think hard about this, but I can’t find a solution. “I don’t really know, Frank. For now though, let’s just try to relax, let it leave your mind for a while. You’ve been through enough,” I say. He nods and leans in. “Help me forget?” He asks with a growing grin. I gladly agree and cup his chin, connecting our mouths together. As we get closer together and our tongues wrestle for dominance, it’s rudely interrupted. “Ew, stop!” Mikey says. We pull apart and Frank tilts his head down as his cheeks turn red in embarrassment. “What do you want, Mikey?” I ask, slightly agitated. He rolls his eyes. “I’m going to Ray’s, I’ll be back later,” he says. Now that’s odd. “Why? I thought you hated Ray after he came out to you as bisexual?” I said.
“It’s not of your business Gerard! Gosh! I’m just going, okay?!” He snaps. He leaves, slamming the front door behind him. I sigh and turn to Frank. “I’m sorry about that,” I say. Frank looks up and shakes his head. “It’s okay. Why is he so mean to you though?” He asks. I rest my chin in my hands. “He’s homophobic, I’m really gay. He’s got tons of friends, I’m a loser. He’s considered attractive, I’m… me. Need I say more? We’re just too different,” I say. Frank scoffs and sits up. “So what? You’re still his brother and he should love you anyway,” Frank says. I nod slowly. “I know and you’re right. I think he does love me, he just doesn’t want to let it show. I don’t know, I might be wrong,” I say. Frank grabs my hand in leans in. “You just need to show Mikey that you love him no matter what. Maybe then he’ll realize what he’s doing and he’ll show it back,” he suggests. He might be onto something.
-Mikey’s POV-
How long do I have to keep lying to him? It’s not fair. He’s done nothing wrong, he doesn’t deserve this torment. But that’s why I have to do this, isn’t it? To keep him from getting hurt? Maybe I should just tell Gerard what’s happening. But of course, I can’t do that. He’ll say something and it’ll go back to how things used to be. This would all have been done for nothing. I’m at a crossroads now. I could easily tell Gerard because he should know, or I could continue to protect him and not tell him. If I don’t’ tell, I keep this going for who knows how long; but if I do tell him, then he gets hurt. I hate this, it’s hell, this is not the life that I wanted. I’m living in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.
I pull into Bert McCracken’s driveway, as I have for the past week. He’s looking through the blinds with a grin that makes my stomach churn. On shaking knees, I walk to the door and he’s already there. “Come inside Mikey, this’ll be fun,” he says. I shudder and follow him to his bedroom. “B-Bert, do we really have to do this?” I rasp out. Bert turns to me with a clenched jaw. “What did you just say?” He spits. I cower away, repeating myself, “Do we really have to do this? Can I do anything else?” Bert breathes in sharply. Forcefully, he slammed his body into mine, pinning me against the wall. “You said that you’d do whatever it took, whatever I wanted, to protect you faggot brother from me. So when I say jump, you jump and you don’t question me, got it?!” He shouts.
He leans in, tightening his fists and slams them into me. I try to curl over, but he keeps me straightened up. “Don’t try to protect yourself from me, Way!” He screams. I hold my breath and try to take his blows. Now I understand what happens to Gerard, more of a reason to protect him from it. Soon, Bert is finished beating me and my body has gone numb. “So how about you let me do what you came here for?” He hisses. I don’t want to, but what other choice do I have? I’m too weak to protest anyway. Bert throws me onto his bead and laughs. “Now, I don’t want to do all of the work this time. You’d better pick up your end of the stick too,” he says, leaning close to my face. His breath smells like alcohol.
He presses his mouth to mine harshly, his teeth clicking against mine. I don’t’ want to kiss him, I really don’t. I want to push him away, but he’s got both of my wrists held with one of his hands, and my jaw held in place with the other. He finally pulls away, but only to get on top of me, straddling my thighs, he continues to kiss me. I whimper and squirm to try to get him off. He stops, then slaps me hard across the face. “You let me do what I want and you will not stop it, understand?!” He snaps, slapping me another time. I hold my breath again and squeeze my eyes shut. ‘just go somewhere else in your mind! Ignore it!’ I think to myself. Bert’s hands slide across my body, touching me in places that even I haven’t dared to touch. I’m scared and I want it to go away, but I have to remind myself why I’m doing this, who I’m doing this for. I’m doing this for Gerard, I’m keeping him safe.
After hours of Bert doing what he wanted, he shoves me off the bed. I land on the floor, getting the air knocked out of me. “C-can I go home?” I ask quietly. Bert stares at me, then glares. “Hell no, I’ll need you later,” he says. I hate him, he’s a disgusting bastard and I really really hate him. I lay my head on the floor, tears in my eyes. How much longer until enough is enough? When can I go home? How much longer until I break? How much longer can I lie to Gerard? They’re questions that won’t be answered. Is this how my life will be for who knows how long? I could be months, years, possibly the rest of my life.
It’s not long until he wants me again. “Mikey, get up,” he orders. I rise to my feet and turn to him. I know better than to say anything, he’ll talk when he’s ready. “Come here,” he says. I do as he tells me to. “I want to fuck you, you’re going to let me,” he tells me. My stomach twists. We haven’t had sex yet, I didn’t think we would at all. It’s only been blowjobs, handjobs or passionate kissing. We’ve never had sex. “Did you hear me, or are you just stupid?!” He yells. I tense up and nod, “Yes, I heard you… but a-are you sure?” I say. Bad mistake. Bert grinned and stood to face me. “Yes I’m sure, now shut up. You don’t have a say in this anyway!” ye says. He grabs my shoulders and shoves me down with both hands, hard. He flips me over and Bert whispers, “I’d tell you that this will be over before you know it, but why bother lying?”
He was right, it felt like an eternity. A long, painful eternity. He said it was supposed to hurt, that pain was normal. Okay, maybe some of it was supposed to hurt, but he was beating me to go along with it, and that was just unnecessary. It hurts and I ache all over. I want to go home. Bert throws me to the ground again. “Please let me leave,” I mumble. Bert gives me a once over and shrugs. “Fine, but you’ll come back tomorrow, got it?” He says. I nod frantically and I hurry to clothe myself. I honestly don’t remember my clothes ever coming off in the first place. Bert demands a kiss and I have to give it to him, but he turns it into a hickey on my waist. Finally, I’m out the front door and going home.
It wasn’t until I actually get home and I’m in the shower that I realize what happened. I gave him my body. He took something from me that I’m not getting back. When it hits me, I fall to my knees. I just lost my virginity to a man that I don’t even love, to a man who hates me. I gave up the only thing that I had to hold onto, that I had control over. Now when I meet the person that I’ll fall in love with, I’ll have to tell them what happened. But it’s not my fault, not really. He forced me into it, it’s his fault. But… I didn’t say no. I could have and I didn’t, so does it make it my fault too? I’m a terrible person aren’t I? What if he makes me do it again? I can’t do it again! But if I don’t, Gerard will have to pay for it. I don’t want him getting hurt again. I have to let Bert have his way with me. I don’t have a choice.
I sit in the shower until the water turns ice cold and long past that. Finally, I step out, getting dressed again, this time in an oversized shirt and sweatpants. It’s 10 PM now, everyone’s asleep. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I sneak down the halls and stop in front of Gerard’s room. I quietly push the door open and step inside. He’s fast asleep and thankfully, Frank isn’t there. I shut the door silently and walk to him. He looks peaceful when he sleeps, you could hardly tell the shit he’s gone through. I craw into bed with him, my body pressed to his and my head tucked in his arm. He’s so warm. I feel him shift and I know I have woken him up.
“Frank? Is that you?” He mumbles. The sound of his voice brings tears to my eyes. I look up and he stares at me. When our eyes meet, I break down into tears. He has no idea what has been happening, he doesn’t know what I’ve been doing for him. “Mikey? W-what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asks groggily. I wrap my arms tightly around him. He holds me close, his embrace making me feel the safest I’ve ever felt in a long time and it makes me sob louder. “Mikey, what is going on with you? What’s happening?” He asks. I pres my ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. There’s something so comforting about my big brother’s heartbeat. He repeats his question, “What’s wrong with you, Mikey? You’re scaring me!” I look into his hazel eyes, clouded in tiredness, confusion, and panic. I can’t tell him, he can’t know.
I lay with him for a while and eventually, Gerard stops asking me questions. My eyelids turn to lead and my body feels like concrete. I lift my head up to face him and force my eyes open. “Gee?” I whisper. He looks at me and says, “Yeah, Mikey?” I close my eyes and cuddle into him. “Will you sing to me? I love when you sing,” I say. Gerard laughs softly and brushes hair out of my face. “Of course I will, I love you so much,” he whispers back. I hum out a sigh, I love his singing so much, it’s beautiful. He has so much talent in his voice. I smile as he starts to sing softly. Slowly but surely, sleep comes over me like a big warm blanket.

Notes