The Way I See It (Frerard)

I had an incredibly restless night, I just couldn't sleep. I was too busy thinking about Mikey and what he said to me. And besides, who could possibly get any sleep when someone is demolishing their room right across the hall? Mikey didn't go to school today, told Mom he was sick, but it know that's not true. I'm sure it's because he's ashamed to have been beaten. Trust me, Mikes, you get used to it after a while. I ruined his life just by being his brother and I hate it. Honestly, I considered suicide again last night, taking Mikey's advice, but I thought I should see how things go first. If all else fails, then I'll do the world a favor and get the hell out.
Again, I'm sitting alone at the lunch table. I don't mind, it's nothing new or anything, it's been this way for as long as I can remember. I'm watching the new kid again. He's at the same table as he was the other day, still alone. I don't care anymore. Not about how he's alone, but about how I am. I don't care if I'm ugly or fat, I'm going to go talk to him, because I know how much it sucks to be alone. I may have to stay out of Mikey's life, but not everyone's. And if all goes well, I'll have a friend. And for the first time in forever, I won't be so alone.
Slowly, I stand up, keeping my eyes on the new kid. Tentatively, I approach his table, my heart is beating quicker with each step I take. I feel like I'm in the middle of a battlefield with no armor. More nervous than I've ever been I sit on the other side of the table. He doesn't notice me. I take a deep breath and say, "h-hi, are you uh... Are you new here?" He looks up, but not at me, not completely. "Hmm? Are you talking to me?" He asks. I nod, saying, "yes." He smiles a bit, and even see his face redden a bit. "Uh, yeah, I am. But uh... Do you think that you could sit closer... S-so I can hear you better." He says. I get up and move closer, beside him. Damn, he's even prettier up close. I only wish he wouldn't wear those sunglasses, so I can see his eyes.
"Um, my name's Gerard," I say shyly. He smiles again and sticks out his hand. "I'm Frank Iero, it's great to finally meet someone who's not a teacher," he says. I shake his hand briefly and chuckle a bit. "Yeah, same here," I tell him. He let's go of my hand and asks, "are you new too?" I consider his question, I know I have options. I could tell him I'm new, and he'd think nothing of it. Or I could tell him the truth and risk having him think I'm a loser. But I know better, be truthful from the start. "No, I'm not new, I just don't make friends all that we'll." I explain. He nods and tilts his head. "Why's that?" He asks. I bite my lip, then just say, "I'm just not well liked, I dunno why."
At that, people are standing around the table. I look around at Bert and his friends, instantly hating myself for pulling Frank into this. "Hey kid, why're you hanging out with Geetard?" Bert asks. Frank looks up searching for the face that spoke. "His name's Gerard, and I'm talking to him because he came to me and he's nice," he says. I look at Frank, almost ready to tell him not to talk, but I doubt he'll listen to me. Bert lets out a laugh, saying, "he might be nice, but have you seen his face?! Don't you see how fat he is? God, you'd have to be fucking blind to be able to talk to him and not get nauseous!"
Instantly, Frank stands up, directly facing Bert. "Actually, I am! I am blind! I can't see a damn thing, I've never been able to see! And y'know what. I like it. This way I know who the real ugly people are, and you are hideous. So shove off and take a real good look at yourself before you think to call someone else ugly!!!" Frank snaps. I'm in shock. I had no idea, but I suppose it only makes sense, the way he always wears sunglasses, and how he can never look directly at something. I guess I'm more shocked that I never noticed. I watch with wide eyes as Bert moves back to his table. Frank sits down with a dramatic huff.
I turn my attention to him and say, "So, you're really blind?" I bite my tongue, hoping that I wasn't making him uncomfortable by asking. He nods and takes off his sunglasses. He opens his eyes and they're pale grey, almost dead looking. "Wow, I guess you're lucky then..." I say. He frowns and shakes his head. "No, not really. I just moved here, y'know. I don't really ion the place and so it's hard to get used to a new town when you can't see it," he explains.
Frank puts his glasses back on and continues to talk. "But you're also eight in some ways, Gerard, this way, I can't judge people based on how they look physically, like everyone else does. They do it, and might not even notice that they do. I have to get to know someone before I make assumptions on looks. Not physical looks, but the inside. So people can be beautiful and ugly to me still. Like that guy that was just here, I can tell he's and ugly guy, but maybe he really isn't, he might be lying to himself when he's really a good person. And you, you're the only person who I've ever met who talked to me voluntarily. And based on what you've said so far, and just the way you talk, it's very beautiful. Gerard, you are a beautiful person, I can tell."
I smile at him and sit closer. "Thank you, Frank, that means a lot, really," I say. Frank beams and stretches his arms out. "C'mon, don't be shy, gimme some love," he says. Tentatively, I reach forward and wrap my arms around him gently. Frank isn't shy at all, he's unashamed to be seen with me. He snuggles into me and lays his head on my shoulder. Honestly, I'm almost brought to tears by his kindness, I don't know what to do now. I haven't hugged anyone since I was a kid, before Mikey grew up and pushed me away. I hold Frank closer and listen closely as he says. "Y'know, I like you, Gerard, you're a really great guy. I don't care what everyone else thinks of you, I think you're beautiful.
After school, I'm sitting at my desk in my room. I'm drawing a sketch of Frank. I smile to myself the whole time. What happened to me, that's big. My life is gonna change from here, I know it. But not only has this made me feel excited and happy, I also feel like I'm gonna vomit, I'm so nervous. But now I know that people can attack me with their words, they can say what they've always said, and I don't care anymore. When they tell me that no one who can see will ever love me, I'll take that with pride because I know it's true. In my entire life, I've only made one friend, and he happens to be blind. Their prognosis was right, and I this should actually hurt more, right? Wrong. Frank is the nicest person I've ever met, and I don't care that he's blind. Their jokes aren't funny anymore, because their most hurtful joke same to life, and it feels great.
After long, I go downstairs to find Mikey sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. "Mikey?" I say quietly. I stand still, not moving. I don't know if he wants me so close yet. I watch him as he slowly turns to me, staring at me with a dark glare. "So, you finally made a friend, huh? Frank?" He asks. I nod, backing away to the staircase. His voice is calm, way too relaxed, and it scares me. "Y-yes... Is that a problem?" I ask quietly. He stands up, staring mr down with those hate-filled eyes. "You're damn right there's a problem. The only friend you're able to make is blind, proving that you're too disgusting for normal people to like you. Wanna know what that does to me. It really embarrasses me. I get picked on by all of my friends because you're so ugly, that only blind people can tolerate you. You're tearing my life apart here, Gerard, don't you even care?"
Anger rises up inside of me. "Oh, you poor thing," I say, gritting my teeth. "Poor Mikey, having to be picked on a little bit because his older brother finally made a friend. Maybe his selfish brother should think more about Mikey, huh? Maybe he should do something for someone else for once in his life! Or, better than that... Maybe he should just kill himself so that Mikey doesn't have to be laughed at anymore, because god forbid I have anyone caring about me!!!" My voice raises nearly 100% as I finish. Mikey stares at me for a long time before saying, "yeah, maybe you should." I stand in shock as he turns to leave. I didn't think he'd actually agree to that.
Tears fill my eyes as I hear his door slam. I've always known he hated me, but to agree that I should kill myself only proves just how much. Slowly, I walk to my room shutting the door quietly behind me. Because of the things said to me by everyone else in my life.
, I start to feel that he's right. Maybe I really should do everyone a favor and get the hell out of their lives, if that is what makes them happy. Because all the bad things ever said dramatically outweighs the good, being that the only real good was ever really said just today. It was said by Frank, the only one in the world to give a fuck about me.
If I kill myself, would Frank care. I mean, didn't he say that I was his friend, the only one who would voluntarily talk to him. We'll he's the same for me, and I know that if something were to happen to him, I'd be really hurt, even though I only met him today. So I turn all of my thoughts to him. How he's blind and finds it positive. How he was happy to be around me of all people. How he stood up for me when even I wouldn't. He cares more about me that undo, he's the one that called me beautiful, he's the one keeping me alive. If I had to have gone one more day without Frank Iero, I'd probably be dead now by my own hand. But thankfully, that isn't the case. I'm lucky to say that I've got Frank in my corner and I don't need anyone else.

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