Chapter Twenty Five: But does anything matter if you're already dead?

Frank sighed before placing the letter he had written to Gerard on the sideboard. He kissed the cold piece of paper goodbye and turned to stare at the rope hanging from the ceiling. Climbing his way up towards the rope, Frank placed his head through the delicate noughts he had tied so the rough rope scraped against his pale, delicate skin. Standing up, Frank looked out the window opposite him, outside into the cold. The birds had stopped singing, frost hung in the air like a ghostly phantom. Running his hands through his hair Frank sighed. "Goodbye." He muttered before throwing himself off the tabled he had previously been stood upon.

"Frank? Frankie?" Gerard shouted, repeatedly hitting the door hoping Frank would answer. "Frank it's me Gerard!". It was no good. Gerard decided to try knocking on the back door like they did in some of the horror films he often watched. As he passed the large window on the side of the house allowing those outside to take a look into the Iero's kitchen, Gerard thought he saw a figure lying on the floor out of the corner of his eye. To prove his mind wrong, Gerard took a few paces back allowing himself to once again look into the kitchen. There on the floor, was in fact Frank's limp.

"Oh my ... God." Gerard whispered, panic running through his veins. He ran to the back of the house and tried opening the door, to no avail as it was locked.

"Frank! Frankie! It's me Gerard! Are you okay?" Gerard screamed at the door. After a few seconds of silence Gerard decided he needed to get into the house and since the door was locked, there was only one option. Taking a few paces back, Gerard braced his shoulder and ran full pelt into the door which groaned slightly but did not move.

"Ah Jesus!" He exclaimed as pain shot through his shoulder. Since his shoulder wasn't working against the door, Gerard mustered all of his strength and took a pace backwards. Practically jumping into the door, Gerard repeatedly tried kicking it down. To his satisfaction, on the third kick the door gave way and crashed to the cold stone tiled floor.

"Frank!" Gerard exclaimed at Frank's body lying on the cold floor, "Frank! Frankie are you awake? Oh Jesus Frankie wake up!" Gerard screamed, turning Frank's head slightly to look at him. "Oh God Frank." He whispered, fishing into his pocket, grabbing his mobile and stabbing 999.

"Hello? Ambulance! Now please!" Gerard shouted down the phone at the operator who switched him over to somebody more useful.

"Ambulance! Just please send a goddamn ambulance!" Gerard shouted desperately into the device.

"At what address please sir?" The woman on the other end of the phone spoke with no emotion.

"Err 42 Clayton Avenue!" Gerard shouted down the phone.

"And what injuries have occurred?" Again the woman's emotionless voice echoed through the speakers of the phone clasped in Gerard's hand.

"Erm I'm not sure, I mean, I think he was trying to kill himself! There's a rope around his neck but, oh God I don't know he's not moving!" Gerard began to hyperventilate, fear spreading to every inch of his being.

"Please try to stay calm sir the ambulance is on it's way." And that was it. She hung up. Gerard stared in horror at the cold device in his hand, watching as it slid from his clammy grip onto the icy cold floor, the screening cracking as it made contact with the stone tiles.

"Frank ..." Gerard whispered, "Frank it's gunna be okay, there's an," Gerard gulped, "an ambulance coming. Your gunna be okay Frank." Gerard whispered, stroking Frank's slightly dishevelled hair. He looked around trying to see what had happened but could only see that Frank had tied a piece of rope to the ceiling and obviously used it to try and hang himself. Upon looking around, Gerard noticed a small, folded white piece of paper on the sideboard which upon closer inspection had his name written on it. Too scared to open it then, Gerard stuffed the letter into his pocket and carried on stroking Frank's hair.

"Ray? It's me Gerard, my phone broke. I'm at the hospital. It's," Gerard tried to swallow the lump rising in his throat, "it's Frank. He's, he tried to kill himself Ray." Gerard broke out into a fit of sobs thinking about when the ambulance had arrived, when the crew has loaded him into a mobile bed and wheeled him away.

"Oh god Gerard! Which hospital are you at?" Ray's voice was distorted slightly by the pay phone Gerard had been forced to use.

"County General. Oh god Ray please don't let him die." Gerard sobbed.

"Hey it's gunna be fine Gerard, I'm gunna be there asap! Just hang on man kay?" Ray spoke frantically, hanging up. Gerard hung the phone back up on its hook, slumping against the wall.

"Gerard?" Ray's voice echoed down the corridor.

"Ray?" Gerard looked up from his sweaty hands to find Ray stood in front of him.

"Jesus Gerard are you okay? You look awful. Where's Frank? How is he?" Ray bombarded the black haired boy with questions as he sat down in a cool metal chair next to Gerard's.

"He's ... The doctors won't tell me." Gerard whispered, his voice hoarse. Tear tracks shined on Gerard's pale cheeks in the artificial lighting of the hospital.

"Have you rung his mum?" Ray asked frantically.

"No but the hospital are doing it now." Gerard spoke softly, motioning his head towards the mousey brown haired receptionist.

"Err, Mr Way?" A nurses head peered round the side of a door, her golden blonde locks of hair falling slowly out of her ponytail.

"Yes?" Gerard looked up at the nurse, his eyes glassy.

"Would you like to see Frank? He's not awake but we've stabilised him." Her voice was soft, comforting. Gerard didn't respond with words, instead he stood up shakily and shuffled over to the doorway she had appeared from. Once through the doorway, Gerard found himself in a dim light room, monitors in the corner were beeping. The walls were a ghastly pale green colour, cover in various marks from years of different patients and visitors.

"Frank?" Gerard shuffled over towards the centrepiece of the room - a silver bed frame containing Frank. "Oh God Frank what have I done?" Gerard whispered, slumping down into the uncomfortable blue fabric of a chair strategically placed next to Frank's bedside. "I'm so sorry Frank." Gerard whispered, grabbing hold of one of Frank's hands and cradling it between his own.

"Where's my baby?" A woman's voice screamed from down the corridor. Gerard turned around just as Frank's mother stormed her way through the previously closed doorway. Her face filled with horror. "My baby..." She muttered, slowly walking towards Frank's bedside, staring at all the tubes and needles connected to him. Gerard stared at her as she reached his bedside and collapsed, tears flowing down her pale cheeks. "What ... what happened Gerard?" She whispered, staring at her sons peaceful expression.

"I-I found him in the kitchen ... With," Gerard gulped as the memory of Frank's body with the rope around his neck flooded his mind once again, "I think, he, tried to hang himself Mrs Iero." Gerard spoke, his voice still hoarse. Franks mother broke out into a fit of sobs and Gerard decided to leave her to have some time with her son.

"They wouldn't let me in to see him." Ray sighed, handing Gerard a cup of coffee he had brought back from a vending machine before sitting back down into his now warm metal chair. Gerard smiled weakly at Ray, taking the coffee and taking a sip from it before pulling a face. "I know it tastes horrible but get it down you, you need to stay awake for now." Ray sighed, watching as his friend reluctantly drank the black liquid.

"His mums in there now." Gerard whispered, running his hand through his hair.

"I know, you should have seen her talking to the receptionist, I don't know who was more terrified, probably the receptionist since she was the one being pulled out of her chair." Ray laughed lightly, trying to lift the dark mood hanging in the air. "C'mon Gerard, there's not a lot we can do here except worry." Ray pointed out. "Why don't we go home hmm? I can ask if its okay for you to sleep around at mine? Y'know if you want somebody to talk to?" Ray patted Gerard on the back.

"Thanks Ray but I'm staying here. I left Frank once, never again." Gerard looked up as his friend raised himself from his seat.

"Okay then but keep me informed kay? Even the smallest detail I want to know about it." Ray patted Gerard on the back before walking down the corridor and out of the building.

"Oh Jesus." Gerard muttered, finishing his coffee and throwing the plastic cup in a nearby bin.

"Come home Gerard, please! I know he means the world to you but just come home honey! The hospital have already said they'll keep us updated with any news!" Gerard's mother pleaded with him.

"No mum, I'm not leaving him, not again." Gerard sighed, wishing his mother would just leave him in peace.

"What do you mean again honey?" Gerard's mum became puzzled as to what her son meant by again.

"I err, just a figure of speech." Gerard looked away from his mum, trying to follow the dotted patterns of the linoleum floor tiles.

"No honey, what do you mean again?" She asked once more.

"Mum! I wanna go home! I don't like it here!" Mikey whined from a seat across the corridor.

"Hang on Mikey I want to know what your brother means." She turned so her whole body was facing Gerard.

"Well..." Gerard began to fidget, feeling awkward talking about Frank with his mother, "me and Frank, well." He paused trying to sum up some ounce of courage.

"Oh for Gods sake Gerard! Mum, him and Frank were together, like a couple. Gerard's gay mum." Mikey's voice sounded irritated.

"Mikey you little-" Gerard stood up to grab his brother but his mother placed a hand on his arm.

"Is that true Gerard?" His mother spoke softly. Gerard hesitated slightly before responding, "yes." He spoke quickly before sinking back down into his seat.

"Oh." Was her response.

"I'm sorry mum." Gerard muttered looking down and fidgeting with his belt buckle.

"What for honey? For being gay? Honestly, it was pretty obvious, I mean you've never had a girlfriend and you were always round at Frank's house," she nudged his arm and winked, "why didn't you tell me before honey? Am I that scary?" She laughed lightly. Gerard looked up at her smiling, "Of course not mum," he laughed and hugged her tightly, "I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd be ashamed of me." He sighed slightly before letting go of his mother.

"Of course I'm not ashamed of you honey! You could wear a little less eyeliner and not dye your hair that dark but I would never be ashamed of you for being gay honey!" His mum exclaimed, kissing his cheek.

"Well I understand why your not leaving him now, I'll come back later with some snacks and a blanket, I might even bring your iPod! Hey I could stay and we could make it into a little adventure!" She laughed loudly before standing up, kissing him goodbye, grabbing hold of Mikey's hand and walking out of the hospital leaving Gerard to contemplate what had happened that day.

Later that day Gerard's mum did indeed come by with his iPod. She also brought him a pillow and a blanket for when he needed to sleep and some snacks so he didn't have to waste his money on vending machine food. She'd kissed him goodbye and made sure he wrapped up in the blanket she'd brought him before leaving once again. That night Gerard was allowed to go in and see Frank, even though he wasn't awake. Eventually he fell asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair listening to Black Flag from his iPod.