Drawn to you

“Ah, you’re here!” my father calls in my direction as I move toward the group
“Wouldn’t miss it,” I say as I come to a stop beside him
“Ok, this is my more advanced group. I’ve told them a lot about you before, so they’re pretty keen to see what my son can do,” he beams amusedly. He knows full well that I haven’t trained properly for over five years. Besides the times he’s convinced me to train with him in our backyard – I’ve been avoiding Aikido like the plague. Once upon a time, I was a good fighter and he was proud of that, but after Craig died, I didn’t want to train anymore. It was too sad training without him, so I’ve stayed away. The students all greet me kindly. I simply nod in their direction, unwilling to make eye contact with Gerard. But I can feel his eyes on me. It takes all of my will power to keep my eyes trained on my father – all of it.

I’ve selected Damien to spar with you. He’s the most advanced of the group, so if you can keep up with him then we have a deal,” he smiles, his eyes twinkling with excitement. I can tell he’s loving that he got me here, and knowing him, he’s chosen someone he doesn’t think I can beat. Well, I’ll show him…I hope.I risk a glance at Damien, whose mouth is turned up on one side as his light eyes boar into mine. My heart starts thudding loudly in my ears and suddenly I’m feeling a little warm. Why does it have to be him?
“Nage Waza” my father announces smirking at me and Gerard
“Throwing?” I question, my brows raised as I glare at my father. He’s doing this on purpose
"go and show Gerard what your father is proud of"he whispers patting my back
"I can't it's selfish after Craig no"I felt the tears stab my eyes wanted to get out
"well you fucking should or you won't go out next Thursday"he snapped griping my shoulders 'brilliant'

Mumbling under my breath, I curse myself for being so damn agreeable. If I had have been your typical teenage boy, I would have just threatened to move out earlier instead of agreeing to a fucking training session to prove my worth I follow as everyone pairs off around the mats, and stand across from Gerard waiting for the call to start.
“You knew who my father was yesterday didn’t you?”“He shrugs and smiles in response, shaking his limbs out and rolling his neck, preparing himself to train “Whatever,” I sigh, doing exactly the same thing he is. Gerard has the club gi on, but I’m simply in a pair of black joggers and a fitted vest shirt showing all my tattoos It’s highly inappropriate clothing for Aikido, but I don’t own a gi. I told my parents that I lost it years ago, although honestly, I burnt it. I didn’t want to wear it ever again. “Give me a push,” Gerard tells me, as we move around each other. We didn’t establish who would attack and who would defend – we’re just sizing each other up, daring the other one to start first. “Fine,” I say, readying myself for a swift reminder of the way these katas work.
Lunging forward, I push at his chest, knowing that with his level of training, there was no way I was actually going to connect. Although he surprises me, stands there and takes it
“You can do better than that,” he says with a grin.
“Why? So you can flip me over and be the guy who beat up on a shortie? I don’t think so,” I retort
“Push me,” he insists, Glancing sideways, I see my father watching, so I push again, still not with my full force. Once again he doesn’t budge. “Push me,” he demands, with a growl.” Something about the way he is speaking to me really pisses me off, so I push again, really putting my weight behind the shove, fully expecting that he’s going to throw me on the mat. Still he doesn’t budge, he doesn’t apply any moves – he just stands there, looking at me like I’m wasting his time.
“Maybe you should go back to a beginner’s class. It’s been a long time since you’ve trained.”
He says it with such disdain that it infuriates me, I forget myself. I forget where I am, and who I’m dealing with, and I just charge him. 'Big mistake'

Twisting his body, he sidesteps me, causing me to rush past him. Which is embarrassing enough, if not for the fact that he then grabs my wrist and spins me back toward him. He’s so fast that I don’t even know how to respond. His other arm slips under my armpit and before I know it, my feet are off the floor and I’m dangling over his shoulder. “There’s the fire,” he comments, as he sets me down. “Now. Your turn.”
“You want me to lift you up on my back?” I query, dubious of my ability to lift such a large man
“Franklin, you seem to be forgetting the one of the primary principles of Aikido – you won’t be using your strength – you’ll be using my momentum. We’ll go through it slowly and then we’ll do it fast. Ok?” he says, his voice soft and gentle all of a sudden. I find myself nodding, trusting that I can do this. “Slowly, he talks me through the steps of the kata. We repeat it, step by step, three times. We’re not really exerting ourselves, but I find myself breathing a little heavier as my body buzzes around him. There’s something about this man – he’s…intoxicating. As we perform the last move, he doesn’t break away. Instead, he leans close to my ear and whispers, “Are you ready for me?” My heart thuds like the beat of a bass drum in a marching band. Swallowing hard, I try to slow my breathing before answering. “Yes,” I whisper
“Good,” he nods, a pleased grin pulling at the corner of his mouth, As he comes toward me with a fast push, I react correctly, with the moves he’s just shown me. This is all stuff I’ve learned in pieces before, but with my lack of practice, I’m very rusty and have to think to react. Whereas for Gerard, he’s so well trained that he’s instantly reactive The first time, I’m a little slow, and I don’t hoist him onto my back. But when we do it again, I perform the move seamlessly. When his feet lift off the floor I did it
“Excellent. Now for the rest of it.”the smirks grabbing my ass with his huge hands
“There’s a flip isn’t there?” I laugh rubbing my face
“Yes, there’s a flip,” he grins rubbing a hand down his sweaty thigh 'fuck ughh'
“Alright. Let’s get this bad boy done,” I say, giving it my all straight away this time As I rush him with my push, he spins, pulls and hoists me onto his back, tilting his body so that I roll straight off and onto the mat. “You ok?” he asks, holding his hand out to help me up when I spend a moment longer on the floor
Taking his hand, I nod. “Just a little winded. I’m not used to this anymore.”
“You need to go through it, or do you think you can flip me?”
“I think I can flip you,” I say, feeling confidant after managing to lift him "good boy"he smirks

Rushing me, I perform the move in return, hoisting him off the ground and rolling him off my back. A great sense of pride floods my body as I successfully perform the move. But he’s quick, he grips my wrist and pulls me with him, causing me to suck the air back in surprise as I go flying to the floor along with him, slamming hard into the mat by his side, Fighting for breath, I lay there – defeated and embarrassed. Cursing my own hubris as I try to get my lungs working again. Gerard stands easily, holding his hand out to me again to help me up, a self-satisfied grin upon his face as those light eyes of his watch me gasping amusedly
“Leave me alone,” I pant, slapping his hand away
“Are you upset that I caught you off guard again?” he asks grinning, I roll my eyes at him, just as my father comes over beaming, slapping Gerard on the back like they’re buddies. Well, I’m glad he’s got someone to be proud of! Fuck this. I get up and start to leave. My pride is hurt and I’m angry that I’m probably not going out next Thursday. My father wanted proof that I could handle myself, not proof that I could hit the ground gracefully. Although, I didn’t even manage to do that. As I head toward the door, I shake my head. Finally I was going to go out and behave like a normal uni student, and Gerard fucking… - I don’t even know his last name; is messing with my life.
I hear my father call after me, but I just keep going. I want out of here.
“Hey Franklin, wait up!” I hear from behind me as I start to walk home
“Just go away Gerard, you’ve embarrassed me enough lately. I don’t need you to rub it in,” I call back
“Come on. You can’t get the shits with me for dropping you. It was just training,”he catches up with me
“No. It wasn’t just a training for me. I had to prove I could handle myself so he’d let me out next Thursday night. This is the first time that I’ve been invited out and have actually been old enough to go! Now, because of you, I get to be Nigel No Friends at home alone AGAIN! I’m sick of it. I just want to go and be normal. Doesn’t anyone get that?” His brow furrows as he watches me rave on. “Hang on. Back up a bit. You were supposed to prove you could hold your own in an advanced class so you could go out with your friends?” he clarifies “Yes. He doesn’t think I can take care of myself. He’s over protective,” I explain.
“Yeah, but most guys aren’t going to be fourth dan, like I am. You’d beat a regular guy hands down.” “Try telling him that.” “Come with me,” he says, grabbing a hold of my hand and leading me back into the gym

Admittedly, I notice the hand hold - a lot. I want to pull my hand away, this heat of his body is like an electrical charge racing up my arm. But I don’t want to make this any stranger than it already is, so I keep holding on, and when he releases my hand as we enter the dojo, my hand feels horribly empty. I stand by the door and watch as he jogs toward my father and has a quiet conversation with him. All I can see are a few glances in my direction as my father listens to Gerard, his hands folded over his chest. As I approach, I look at Gerard, hoping to see some sort of explanation on his face, but his features are completely impassive. So I’m left wondering what was said
“You can go next Thursday,” my father informs me
“Really?” I squeal, feeling like a little girl, who is finally allowed to go on a sleepover
“On one condition. You continue to train. Gerard will be your Sensei. He’s obviously more capable of teaching you than I am.”
“What?!” I spit out. “No! That’s not ok Dad!”
“Take it or leave franklin. It’s all I have to offer.” With that he turns and strides off, but pauses, turning back to me and saying, “Oh, and Franklin. I want you training indefinitely. If you want your mother and me to help support you until you finish uni, I suggest you fulfil this one wish for me.”
“But…” I start, but he’s moved off, leaving me with my mouth open and Gerard looking impressed with himself
“Don’t look so happy with yourself.” I tell him
“What?” he asks looking innocent
“I’m really not sure…” I say, shaking my head as I wonder exactly what his role is in all this.
“Hey, at least you get to go out next week. In the meantime, I’ll be picking you up tomorrow morning at six”
“I’ll just meet you here,” I respond, trying to think of jobs I can apply for so I can support myself
"I’ll pick you up,” he insists, ensuring he has the last word by abruptly turning and walking off, Mumbling under my breath, I pick up my bag and head outside to walk home. Even though it’s almost six o’clock, the sun is still shining brightly, the weather still warm, “Removing my water bottle from my bag, I take a cooling drink as I trudge along in the gravel along the side of the road. There’s no actual footpath here as it’s mainly an industrial area, but once I make it to the end of the road, it will all become residential again
Kicking up a cloud of dirt, a brand new, dark grey metallic, Subaru XV stops in front of me
“Why are you walking on the side of a busy road?”Gerard asks through the passenger window as I approach.
“Going home,” I state obviously
“Don’t you drive?”
“Well no, but I live two blocks away. It’s not far.”
“Get in.” I’d like to say he offered me a lift, but it was more of a command anything
“I’ll be fine,” I state, continuing to walk ahead. He drives at a crawl alongside me.
“What does it hurt to get in? It’s hot, you just worked out, and now you’re breathing in car fumes while you walk through gravel that full of broken glass and probably a few used syringes.”
“Why would I get in your car? I hardly even know you"I remove the sweaty bangs out my face
“You know me just fine. You even visited my house. We had lunch together – remember?” he grins, creeping the car forward just enough so that when he flings the door open, it’s blocking my path. “Come on, get in,” he says gently, his eyes pleading
“This is pointless,” I huff as I get into the car, doing my best to seem unaffected by him, and whatever it is about him that makes me want to do anything he says, but at the same time, run like hell.
“Seatbelt,” he points out, indicating the silver buckle, still sitting against the side of the car, Reaching for it, I stretch it across my body but slip as I try to click it in. I’m obviously more nervous around him
“Here,” he almost murmurs, taking the buckle from my hands and deftly clicking it into place. All the while, my heart is hammering again, and I’m doing my best to make my breathing sound normal as my blood temperature starts to rise. Reminding myself of his ability to embarrass me, I focus on that as he pulls into the stream of traffic.
“Why did you do it?” I ask staring at his pale face closely in the sunset
“Do what?”
“Let me into your apartment yesterday.”
“I wish I knew.” He pauses at the red light and looks over at me. Our eyes lock for a moment and that feeling I’ve been fighting starts to win over again, invading my mind like a gaseous cloud, making me fizz

We drove the rest of the way to my parent’s house in silence. I don’t question how he knows where it is. I just assume he’s been here before for something to do with my dad – any other possibility seems a little farfetched and stalker-ish “I’ll see you in the morning,” he confirms as he pulls up outside, Nodding, I got out of the car and walk up to my front door, not looking back until I was safely inside and can spy on him through the peephole for long enough to see him drive away after he drove off I ran up stairs and collapsed on the bed inhaling all my smells 'coffee,cigarettes,Aaron's aftershave'

I’ll admit, that once I got going today, I didn’t mind training. But the thought of constantly doing it, is a little hard to handle. All of my memories of training revolve around my brother. I quit for a reason, and I’m not keen on returning – regardless of who my teacher is.

Notes