A Response to Gerard Way's Letter: The Idea, the Concept, and the Emotion

"I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended.

I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure-

I made coffee."

-Gerard Way

The beginning of Gerard Way's letter to the fans of My Chemical Romance gave me an extremely strange sense of comfort.

The fact that Gerard was just as sad about the ending of MCR as I was gave me a type of connection with him that I've been lacking from the band members recently. Of course, Frank Iero's poetry has always been something that I connect with extremely well, and the lyrics that he's written for his side projects and old bands (Leathermouth, Pencey Prep, and Death Spells, which started before MCR ended, in February, and is now touring with Mindless Self Indulgence,) have always comforted me, but these past few days, that was not enough. I had the band's music, of course, I could go back and watch old videos of them and seek comfort in their words, but it was not enough, either.

I needed someone to explain to me why the band ended. I didn't understand... I was confused. I was hurt. I was insulted, quite honestly. I was scared and numb and depressed all at once. I felt horrible. I felt betrayed by the four men who saved my life.

However, after reading Gerard's note, I found a selfish type of comfort in the knowledge that he misses the band just as much as I do. I didn't and don't feel as depressed or betrayed (all sense of betrayal is gone, now,) knowing that I had someone in the band to share it with me, as horrible as that sounds. I know for a fact that Frank misses the band, because when we lost our favorite band, so did he, but he hasn't commented much on it, no more than Gerard originally had, and neither Mikey Way nor Ray Toro have said anything helpful. (Ray hasn't spoken on the topic at all, actually, and what Mikey said was irrelevant to my emotional problems. It cleared some things up but only succeeded in making me annoyed and even more uncomfortable. No offense to Mikey, however- I love the boy, I always have, I always will. Truly, honestly love him, no matter what.)

Also, the fact that Gerard made coffee to comfort himself during his time of sadness gave me a wonderful sense of nostalgia. It's one of the things that I've always loved about him, one of his many quirks that I love to laugh and smile about. The slow drip of his coffee maker comforted me as much as it comforted him.

The fact that a bird got into Gerard's house and distracted him also made me feel comforted. Like the little bird did for Gerard, it distracted me from what he was about to confirm for us. I completely forgot that the band had even ended- reading his story about the bird and how he and his family dealt with it made me feel like I was reading an adorable story from the life of one of my favorite band members. I didn't think once about the fact that he was now just one of my favorite people, instead of the lovingly-titled "band member" that I'd always thought of him as.

The fact that he turned to his wife, Lindsey Way, in time of panic made me smile, and the fact that their daughter, young, beautiful little Bandit Lee, was so fascinated with the bird made me laugh.

"I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would."

As I read this, my first reaction was to be confused. Very confused. I continued on the first read-through, not even stopping to try and figure it out, because at the time I had been too confused and panicked and excited to understand.

Looking back on it, and having re-read the letter multiple times, I realized that Gerard was saying that the second he realized that the bird had distracted him from a sadness that he had yet to come to complete terms with, he knew it was time to address the situation. He knew he had to write a letter to us, to finally provide an explanation for the ending (ending, not death) of My Chemical Romance.

"It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth.

I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death."

To clear up any confusion, Gerard was saying quite plainly that he sees no reason to explain any choices he has made regarding the band or the history of the band, but does wish to explain the recent ending of the band... The band and the message of the band would always be cryptic, their inner workings secret to all but the band members themselves, yet the ending of the band would be quite clear and no reasoning would be covered up or denied. Only the truth would be told about the end of the band.

"The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you."

I think this is self-explanatory. Gerard had not done this, write his letter, because he had to. He wrote it because he loves us, because he wants us to know that he loves is.

"So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty.

Love.

This was always my intent."

Gerard never did anything in MCR because he was told to, the band never did anything because they were told to. Everything he and the band have ever said, and everything in his letter are the truth, and it's a truth told with love.

"My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013."

The band, my friends. The band. Not the idea... The idea is forever.

"We were spectacular."

Gerard goes on in his letter to explain how the band has always been amazing. He explains that he's known that from the start, and realizes that he didn't need anyone to tell him that, because he could feel it. He knew that he was a part of something amazing. Even when the band's shows weren't "good," they were still perfect.

"And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us-

Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope.

Fatalism."

Fatalism: The belief that all events are predetermined and therefore unavoidable.

As Gerard has said in his letter, the band had to end eventually.

He knew that.

The other members of the band knew that.

The fans... Well, deep down inside we knew it too, even if we didn't want to accept it.

"That last one (fatalism) is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate."

What Gerard is saying here is that if something were to happen which would require the band to end, it would. No questions asked. If it had to end, it would.

"Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point.

No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit.

To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll."

(And I believe in rock and roll, too, Gerard.)

The band would end before someone else ended them, or before they were continuing simply to continue. That is the way it has always been. I suppose that deep down inside I should have known this- the boys of My Chemical Romance would never let someone else put an end to their music, but they would never continue on without purpose.

Gerard has said it himself in an interview, way back in 2006: "I think there's an expiration date for this band, but it's up to us and nobody else. Nobody here is going to be known as 'that guy from MCR.' It'll be more like, 'Frank, the guy who has a record label,' 'Mikey Way, who directs shark films,' 'Ray, the classical-guitar virtuoso,' 'Bob, the producer' and 'Gerard, that guy who…' I don’t know, 'writes children's books.' That's the beauty of My Chemical Romance: Its our call. I don't know how many records we're going to make, providing we survive the next one. One thing we have always said from day one is that this is something special and beautiful, and it's nobody's but ours. This band is a special thing, and all special things are supposed to die. And when it's time for it to die, we will put a bullet in it."

They would end on their own terms, and I suppose I should have been expecting the fact that they could end at any time, because I knew that even if we still wanted them, but no longer needed them, that they would end themselves if they had to. They would not continue purely because we wanted them to, but they would not end if people stopped believing in the message that they were trying to deliver, either.

My Chemical Romance would end only when there was no more idea to express, when they'd completed the message and had no more to say, or when they didn't know how to say it anymore. Even if they had no fans, no support, they would have continued on.

If they thought we needed them, though, they would have continued, but they realize that we are strong enough to stand on our own. They have saved us, and therefore, there was and is no more message to deliver.

They've been preparing us for the end, all along.

In the beginning it was about healing- they patched up our wounds and explained that scars, physical, emotional, or (for those of you who believe in those sorts of things) spiritual, were not something to be ashamed of. Then, it was about being strong- it was about standing up for ourselves, about staying alive and staying invincible. And then, it was about happiness- they made us happy, they gave us hope, they made us feel like we were indestructible. (Which we are, always have been, and we always will be... This, I am sure of. There is not much that I am sure of, but I am sure of My Chemical Romance, I am sure of love, and I am sure of the fact that I am indestructible, with the exception of my own personal dooms-day device. I, like My Chemical Romance, will end on no one's terms but my own.)

Then, they prepared us for the end. They were reassuring us all along that no matter what, they would never truly leave us. We are indestructible, and so are they.

"I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason-

When it’s time, we stop."

They'd been planning to go out with a bang.

That's not the way it happened... But that's okay. It was time for them to stop, and therefore, they stopped. (There's much more to the story than just that, though, my friends. Much more.)

"It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time (to end the band) does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway."

What Gerard is reassuring us of here is that the band did not end because of the public, the press, the fans, etc. It was just time for them to end. It would have happened even if we'd sent them millions of letters and thousands of messages asking them to stick around.

It was time for them to end, and therefore, they ended.

"You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music."

This is one of my favorite lines in the entire letter- because, simply, Gerard is saying that the message is louder than the music. The fact that the band has always been about the message and idea it transmits should be obvious.

""

What we're being told here is that he met up with some old friends, but whether he's talking about the MCR boys, or past members, or associates of the band, I cannot be sure... But he started this letter Saturday, if you follow the time line. For those who wanted answers sooner, as I did, just know that he wanted to comfort us, but did not have the words yet.

And quite honestly, I'm glad he waited.

We all needed time to grieve.

"Now-

There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing."

Gerard then goes on to explain that the breaking up of the band was not because of a divorce, scandal, or rumor. It was completely their decision and the reasoning was clear to them.

"There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets..."

Again, I've come to the realization that they'd been planning to go out with a bang, and though they didn't, I don't think that Gerard understands the complete situation. I agree with everything in his letter but this one line. Why? Well, honestly, because it is false.

We are their blaze of glory. Us and the entire MCRmy. I wish I could say more on why I disagree with that line, but their are some things that cannot be put in to words, and my belief and pride in the MCRmy is one of those things.

"I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage."

Gerard then goes on to recall the most recent, and last, My Chemical Romance concert.

("...I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months."

And also, the reason for those mysterious bandages that he has been wearing for so long is revealed.)

"I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy.

We get the cue to hit the stage."

Obviously, whatever Gerard was feeling that day was not normal for him, and certainly does not seem healthy...

"The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong.

I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy."

Something went wrong for Gerard. Very, extremely wrong.

"Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade.

All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say.

What it said is between me and the voice.

I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage."

The voice that Gerard was hearing was, quite obviously, depression. The depression from so many years ago had returned, right in the middle of performing. He doesn't elaborate on the cause or the thoughts he experiences while depressed, and that is something we should not complain about. Everyone has sunk that low, at one point, and we all deal with it in different ways, and often it is a very personal experience.

"Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own. "

This... This is where I realized how much I am like him. ((I've always connected a bit more with Frank, but evidently, Gerard has been having these same feelings. If you follow my poetry account on Instagram- @fallingfasterthanthesun, if you were not aware- then you may already know what I am going to say, you may not, I don't know and I can't remember how often I've talked about this.)

Gerard realized that he was depressed. He let himself be depressed. I know this sounds horrible but quite honestly I think he wanted the depression. He needed it. From the way he talks, he wanted the depression. He wanted it to break him down inside... But I think that was because he wanted to prove something to himself. I think he wanted to prove to himself that he was strong enough to get better. Because once he had had enough, he pulled himself out of the sadness. He was strong enough to. He realized that the depression was not the result of those around him, that the "voice" consisted of his own thoughts that he had to come to terms with...

Gerard was depressed. He was depressed without our knowledge, without showing any signs of depression to his fans... But he was able to pull himself out of that sadness. Perhaps not all on his own- he mentioned in a fairly recent post on Twitter that he was seeing his therapist that day, but he seemed to be happy about that. He knew he was depressed, and he wanted to get better, so he did... And this both shocks me and sends me in to such a deep state of admiration that I am shaken to the very core, that he was able to do so in such a quick, private manner. (I may be wrong about "quick," because for all we know, he may still be depressed. He doesn't show it, though, and that just makes my admiration grow.)

He felt as if he was acting on stage, as if his happiness and excitement for that last concert were not real...

And that was the beginning of the end, his depression, which I shall further explain in this letter, but that was also the beginning of a new story, one that he has yet to tell and that I have yet to decipher.

However, it will most definitely be a ride that I stick around for, and I expect you all to stick around for it, as well.

"There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims-

That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned?"

All that Gerard is saying here is that we can chose what roll we play in the ending of My Chemical Romance.

We can give the boys support, we can hope they fail (out of anger, I suppose, though I would never do such a thing,) we can agree that it was the right choice and understand why, we can criticize their choice, we can laugh about it, we can be depressed about, or we can be hurt because of it. It's all our choice as to how we react... But Gerard does not want us to hurt. He has never been a victim because of the band, it has never hurt him. His fellow band mates have never been hurt by the band. And the fans, most importantly, have never been hurt by the band.

The band stands for saving yourself, for living until your last breath, for staying strong and for standing tall. If we were to be hurt or hurt ourselves over the ending of the band, as Gerard concludes and I agree, we will only be living up to the stereotypes.

My Chemical Romance is not a cult.

We are an army.

"With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes."

My Chemical Romance is over...

"And another opens-"

But this is just a new beginning.

Gerard, on last Sunday morning, woke early. He went to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where he met a man known only as Norm. According to Gerard: "He was older, and a self-proclaimed 'hippie' but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band."

Gerard was purchasing an amplifier from Norm, and they had both agreed that shipping it would jostle the tubes, so they met in the middle, got coffee, sat in the car and played each other music that they had made, and talked about "gold-foil pickups and life," as Gerard put it. The amp was "a Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device." Norm showed Gerard the bits and pieces of the amp, explained where it came from.

“This amp talks," Norm told Gerard, who smiled in response.

"When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles.

I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton.

He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say."

(As would I, Gerard.)

Gerard still owns the guitar that he wrote the first My Chemical Romance song.

He has a new amp, an amp that talks, and he wants to hear the guitar's voice and know what it would like to say.

My Chemical Romance may not have anything else to say, but Gerard's guitar still does, so this is not the last we have heard from him. He will be back with the message that the old Fender has for us. Whether he will be accompanied by a band or not, I cannot say. All I can say is that I'm sure the guitar has a beautiful voice, one that I'm very excited to hear...

"In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you.

I feel Love.

I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with-

Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod.

Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing-

My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die.

It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you.

I always knew that, and I think you did too.

Because it is not a band-

it is an idea.

Love,

Gerard."

The band... It was never just a band.

Never.

It was never about the "messengers," either, or rather: Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Ray, Bob, Matt, James, Todd, Cortez, Tucker, Pete, Michael, and Jarrod.

It has never been about them... It's about the message. It always has been. It always will be.

And now, Gerard leaves the message of the band in quite simple terms.

The message is love.

Love, always.

And love? It can never die. Because it is an idea. It is a concept. It is an emotion.

Ideas cannot die. Once they are there, they are permanent. They live forever in the back of your mind, even if you choose to try to rid yourself of them. Concepts cannot be destroyed. Once the meaning has been established, it cannot be changed. It can be added on to, it can have chunks or pieces of it's core removed, but in the end, it will always stay the same. Emotions cannot be stopped. They can be changed, they can be altered, they can grow and shift and fail and then build themselves back up all over again, but they will always exist. Even when they are different, they are there.

As Gerard says, this is not goodbye.

The band may be over, but the idea, concept, and emotion of My Chemical Romance will always be here.

Gerard has always know that. Ray, Mikey, and Frank have always known that. We have always known that, even if we didn't realize it.

My Chemical Romance is a variable in our lives. It has changed, it has grown, it has diminished, and it has risen in strength all over again.

My Chemical Romance is a star. It is the shining star in all of our night skies.

And do you know what we are made of, my dear friends? Do you know what is inside of all of us?

In science, evidence shows that before life began, stars were all there were... Stars, and the night sky.

The bright, and the dark.

If this is all that there was, then what are we made of? How did the stars and the darkness produce us?

Science holds an answer, but you don't have to be a scientist to understand, you can still be religious to agree:

Stardust and darkness were all that were there, and the only darkness that exist in our hearts is self-injected and the result of one too many other dark souls... And so, quite obviously, if we are not shadows of the darkness, we must be stardust.

My Chemical Romance is our star, we are the stardust.

We are made of the idea, the concept, and the emotion of My Chemical Romance.

While the band itself may have been temporary, the idea, concept, and emotion are everlasting... My Chemical Romance is everlasting. We, the MCRmy, are everlasting.

Now, some of you may have seen the petition to get My Chemical Romance to go on a final world tour. Gerard replied to the creator of the petition, and said this:

"Dear Cameron, You truly honor the idea- you and your comrades. In some ways, you and your group embody the finer traits of the MCRmy. Thank you. I have been aware of the petition since it's creation and it did in fact move me tremendously. I think it would be best to spend some more time with my letter though, as time and understanding will make it clearer why this cannot be."

And this is the exact reason why I have been refusing to sign the petition. (My friend signed it for me, though I refuse to acknowledge that.) I agree with Gerard on the fact that the petition and the starters of the petition represent the MCRmy in the most beautiful way possible- when there is something that we believe in, when there is something that we stand for, we support it with every ounce of our very being. I didn't and won't sign the petition, however, because My Chemical Romance does not need to return. Now, now, don't kill me, but they don't need a final world tour. They love us, they always have. We love them, we always have. And that love is indestructible... We don't need a world tour, not if we don't need it to know we're loved.

As long as they love us and we love them, and we're aware of that mutual love, My Chemical Romance is irrelevant. All that matters is that idea, the idea of love, and understanding that the strength and brilliance of that love will never go away.

We don't need My Chemical Romance, as a band. We need their music, we need their past, we need their idea, but we don't need them in the future because we finally understand the message, and they do, too. Once an idea is planted in your head, it never truly fades. Once a concept has been formed, it cannot be changed completely. Once you feel an emotion, it is engraved in you forever.

Of course, if MCR were to tour again, I would have to consider whether or not I would attend a concert of theirs. It's one of those situational things. I'd have to know the reasoning behind it. If the band toured because someone told him to, because of money, or because an outside influence convinced them to? Then no. I wouldn't go. But if it was their decision, if the band as a whole made the unanimous choice to tour, because they thought that the message of their music hasn't been fully delivered? Then of course I would.

And also, for anyone wondering what Frank, Ray, and Mikey have been up to, I have a bit of information about them:

Frank is in another band called Death Spells, with James Dewees. (Don't freak out, he didn't "move on" that quickly. Death Spells is not at all new, it's been here since February, before the band made the decision to end.) So far they've only put out one track, which is called "Where are my fucking pills?" The track is not available for purchase and the band has not put out anything else that I know of, but this song is available on Frank's website (frank-iero.com) and Soundcloud for listening to. If you're like me and love it enough to want to own it, you can always download it from Soundcloud. (That isn't too hard to do if you just google "download soundcloud songs.") For those of you who haven't heard their music yet, the Death Spells are truly amazing. They're a whole new breed of music, something that I like to call "hardcore electronic." If you're boycotting them for whatever reason, perhaps because you don't want to "replace" MCR somehow, I really think you're missing out. The band is amazing, Frank is amazing, James is amazing. It's perfect and I'm looking forward to what they produce next. Frank Iero, honestly, is my favorite musician of all time, and Gerard Way is my favorite singer (going off of his song "Zero Zero," from his Soundcloud account, DannyTheStreet, and his work with other artists.) That being said, I don't think, at this point, that anything Frank or Gerard does will ever replace My Chemical Romance, because they are in three completely different categories, MCR being my favorite band, Frank my favorite overall musician, and Gerard my favorite vocalist.

Regarding Ray, quite honestly, I have lost track of what he's doing. Last I checked, he and Christa had a child. (This has been confirmed by someone close to the band on Twitter- I can't remember who, though, sorry.)

Mikey, I believe, is engaged, happily. I'm not going to give much personal input here, besides the fact that I am happy for him and respect his decision. And he also has a nose ring, if that matters to anyone, haha.

Now, back to the original purpose of this; Gerard's letter.

To completely clear up my opinion on the actual ending of My Chemical Romance, it seems as if... Well, really, it was just time for them to end. They started the band to deliver the message of love, and now that they've successfully delivered that message, they didn't see a need to continue the band. They're all in very different places in their lives, and decided that ending it would be the best decision, since there was no reason or need to continue. They've taught us how to love, so they're moving on, and Gerard has asked that we do, too.

Every word Gerard says in his letter is perfect.

I'm not sad anymore, after reading the letter. Not about anything. I've been depressed for the longest time, it was particularly horrible the past few weeks, and got worse after the breaking up of My Chemical Romance, but all of those bad feelings have just been... Replaced. The bad feelings have been replaced with nostalgia and hope, after seeing and studying Mr. Way's letter.

It fixed me. With one post, Gerard Way saved my life, again.

I feel... Okay. For once... I feel better.

I should be sad, but I'm not, because all I am right now is hopeful and nostalgic.

Gerard showed me, with that one tweet, that life goes on. He got better and so can I. I know and understand that the "voice" Gerard was talking about was depression, and mine had been pretty bad lately, but Gerard got over his depression. He survived. And me? Well... I can and I will survive, too.

And I owe it to My Chemical Romance. I owe it all the the beautiful, hauntingly gorgeous idea, concept, and emotion that is My Chemical Romance.

I am not sad, I am not depressed.

I am strong. I am okay, for once in my life.

I don't understand it, but I'm perfectly okay and I'm loving this feeling of contentment.

I will survive, like the concept of My Chemical Romance.

I feel as though I have died, but I have also been reborn- didn't Gerard himself say that we kind of have to die inside to rise from our own ashes? That's exactly what has happened to me.

I think that's why my hands are trembling, writing this, this is why they shook when I typed this note for the first time (this is a revision of my original, rushed response, my dears.) I am a newborn, exposed to the world for the first time. I have a new view on life and though it's spectacular, it's a bit overwhelming, and therefore my hands are shaking. It is my only explanation.

I don't mind, though. If trembling hands means a healed heart, I'm willing to make that trade.

I will survive. I will march on.

Life goes on. Isn't that what they taught us?

Life. Goes. On.

It does.

We have survived off of four (five, including Conventional Weapons) albums and a few bonus tracks for this long, we can survive off it forever. This isn't the last that we'll see of them, though, the boys will always be there, creating music...

Ray is the mentor that I've always needed to show me how to smile, he's the guy who I turn to when I need a boost of self-confidence. He makes me feel okay to be who I want to be.

Mikey was the little brother that I've always needed to turn to for a hug, he's the kid who's smile makes my day. He gives me a reason to smile, even when I've had a bad day.

Frank was the friend who I've always needed to call, late at night, and just talk with when I feel bad, he's the poet that never fails to comfort me. He reminds me that other people share my emotions and offers advice on coping with them.

Gerard was the man I've always wanted as a father, who overcome so many problems and showed me the light in the worst of times, he's the guy that let's me know that everything's going to be okay. He's the friend who I've always wanted to nerd out with and who shows me that there's so much beauty in the here and now of life.

I feel nothing but pride for My Chemical Romance, I feel nothing but pride for the band members, I feel nothing but pride for my fellow Killjoys.

I will hold my head high, march on, and never stop believing in the band that saved my life... And I expect all of you to do the same.

Because for once, I am okay.

I have nothing but pride in my family (because honestly that's what My Chem is, to me.) I have nothing but strong feelings of support and comfort, and I wish nothing but the best for the men who saved my life, if this is truly the end of My Chemical Romance. I know that they're all in very different spots in their lives right now, and if ending the band is what needs to happen, then it's what needs to happen.

Musicians are born and then die, bands prosper and then fail, but their fans never lose faith, do they?

The band may be over, but their music is everlasting.

Killjoys never die, remember?

We are the MCRmy.

And we will survive.

---

This is all that I have to say on the topic of Gerard Way's letter to the fans, at the moment. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, or if there is something that you would like my opinion on, or something that I did not clarify on enough, feel free to ask/comment below. I'm sorry for any mistakes that may appear here, but as you can now see, this was an extremely lengthy letter to write and editing was killing me, so I may have gotten sloppy with it towards the end, where things may not flow quite as well.

Thank you all for your time.

XØ,

Adrenaline

Notes

Hello, everyone. Adrenaline here, with a long, slightly unnecessary response to Gerard Way's letter to the fans, titled "A Vigil, On Birds and Glass." (You can copy and paste this URL into your browser if you haven't read it and would like to: http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1rjdh4f)

Anyway, if you've read parts of this before, then it's because you're following my Instagram (@adrenalineparty,) but this is a much longer, much more personal version of what I posted on Instagram.

I'm not sure what I expect to accomplish by writing this letter- I suppose I'm seeking for some type of personal closure, and I have, in fact, achieved that, but I suppose that I'd also like to offer, perhaps, some sort of comfort to those who are still mourning the loss of My Chemical Romance, or to offer hope to those who never had it in the beginning.

This letter is long, slightly repetitive, and slightly unnecessary. For this, I apologize, but I hope dearly that you will read, anyway.